Do you think going to therapy can make you worse or is it one of those gets worse before it gets better things? I started seeing a therapist and everytime I seem to concentrate on "getting better" I seem to focus so much on it that I get worse.

Kitty, have you ever spring cleaned your house?

Did the process seem to make the whole place filthier than it started out?

The same is with your emotional house-cleaning. You have to rake up the muck and deal with it before things settle down and become a little more manageable.

I've been in your shoes with therapy after my father died, and since then as well. It is a VERY difficulty process. But, for me, it was worth it.

Kitty, i got worse before getting better in therapy. By "worse", i mean my feelings became more intense. At times, my feelings came up all at once, too. For me, it was because i began to dig into my subconscious, looking for the truth. But whatever your reasons are for feeling worse, it will pass, Kitty.

"Seeking help in therapy is not only a sign of courage, it is also a sign of health." (Dr. Susan Forward)

Thanks guys, I will continue to go and hope it leads to a better outlook!

Good for you!

I don't know about with you Kitty but, ive been going to therapy off and on for along time and now its bringing back my nightmares again among other problems that I haven't had in years. I don't think therapy is for me at all.

Sometimes, or atleast for me, medication such as zoloft and talk therapy has been a huge help.
You can "ween" yourself from the meds as you progress.

I too have gone through therapy and trust me on this there are a lot of times I felt like just stopping and going home.

Therapy is a revelation to us, it takes us back and lets us relive a lot of the garbage in in reliving it we can focus on how those things caused some effects which followed us through life.

the garbage we have picked up through the years was not picked up one day, it was a process of many years adding a little here and a little there until we had such a burden that we were being crushed.

Therapy does not take a day either, but it is far faster than the pick ups we made. This will at times make things seem unbearably bigger than they are - simply because we are sorting through years of crap over a fraction of the time we were out there picking it up.

Your feelings are valid and may be something you should bring up to your therapist. Either the crap you carry is the cause or this can cause more crap in the end.

Your therapist is there for you, not you for them. It is your heart, your mind, your spirit - thus it is your time, your baby steps or giant steps.

If things are going to fast it is ok to slow down, even stop for the moment to catch your breath.

cheers

David

You guys are so great, thankd, everytime I come here I feel better!

If that's true, Kitty, maybe you ought to come here more often rather than pay for therapy.

I've been in therapy for years. After 2 years with an excellent therapist she swore I had changed greatly, but I didn't believe it and still don't. If I've changed so much, why do I still have the same problems? Other than having a nice person to rant to, I can't see that it did any good at $100 per hour.

Catty

There are occasionally bad therapists. Stick it out for a reasonable time, but if you don't think it's helping after a fair trial, try a different therapist. Ask for references from friends who have seen one.

Remember that therapy is a product, in a way, and as the consumer you have a perfect right to judge it, whether it is doing the job, whether it is worth the money you are spending.

By the way, here is the fastest course of therapy I ever heard of!

I saw a brother-team during my first marriage. One brother was a psychiatrist, the other a psychologist. It was amazing. After TWO WEEKS of therapy they told me to get out of my marriage A.S.A.P., and that beyond a little immaturity, I was all right. No need to come back for more therapy!

Well, I couldn't get out of the marriage right away, I had children to support, but finally I did. And now, looking back, I can see that it was quite obvious that the marriage was doomed. But we can't see the problem, sometimes, when it's too close. Instead I was trying to take the responsibility for everything, and drove myself to the point where I thought I was the crazy one.

So going for therapy was the right move for me. And the children.

Ignorance is bliss I say. I ignore the emotional baggage and it goes away. My family never thought it was appropriate "airing dirty laundry" to a paid professional. So there was a bit of flack from them when I went into Psychololgy.

But it always helps to talk about things troubling you. Some prefer the unbiasness of a stranger. Some prefer the comfort of talking to a good friend. As long as you get something out of it then talk to whomever you want to. But if you are paying good money to see a therapist and are not happy with the way you are left feeling after sessions and don't see improvements then you might seek other options.

I wish you all the best.

I really think somethings are better off left buried. Not everything needs to be dealt with or not everything can be healed.

Originally posted by samantha:

"I really think somethings are better off left buried. Not everything needs to be dealt with or not everything can be healed."

Boy, you can say that again, Samantha. Recently my ex has again darkened my life. I had no contact with him for many years, but my granddaughter approached him in Europe, hoping to find her 'roots' in the British side of the family.

Well, she found them all right. He is still vicious, and can inflict a venomous sting. I know why he did it. He feels guilty because he was a deadbeat dad and does not want to be reminded.

I have been torn over the years over whether to tell the children and grandchildren the whole truth about him. I had opted for not telling the whole truth because I did not want them to lose self-esteem. (1) That he valued money more than he valued them (2) That such blood runs in their veins. Both these pieces of data could only hurt them.

In all cases when they wanted to contact him I have given them his address. Each time I have said that he may not wish to be contacted, but they persevered. Their attempts have brought them pain. I now think I was wrong to help them make contact.

I think such contacts should only be arranged after counseling on both sides .

This is the recommended approach when adult children want to contact the parents who gave them up for adoption, or vice versa. Since he of course would never agree to counseling, being of course totally blameless and faultless in the marriage breakdown and therefore not needing counseling, then they never would have met, and some very sweet people would have been spared needless pain.

I have believed that they should be free to contact him if they wish to. I was wrong.

There are children who through no fault of their own are simply not loved by their parent. I should have simply told them that he never loved them, and desired only to be free of all parental obligation. (The children were very young then, and didn't really understand the breakup.)

But what really astonishes me is my own feelings. I have felt positively sick for the past two weeks as I am reminded of the past. I had to look up some documents and letters in order to defend my granddaughter from certain accusations. I regret that I had to soil my fingers with handling them. I am astonished at the anger and disgust I feel, which I had thought was behind me. I am astonished that I came through those years with one scrap of sanity intact.

Now all I want to do is deal with the current problem, then forget it all.

I will not grieve when I hear that he is dead. (He is ten years older than I.) At least then he will be unable to hurt young and innocent things any more.

You've gotten some very good advice and insight here, and I only want to elaborate on a point.

Someone said "There are some really bad therapists." This is very true.

I had undiagnosed/untreated thyroid disease for many years, and was "diagnosed" with various mental illnesses I didn't have during this period, because my doctor couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and decided I was a hypochondriac.

He sent me to a therapist who, without asking me many questions, but only by reading the information he sent her, told me I must have been molested to have such psychological problems (I wasn't) and refused to see me again unless or until I admitted it. When I refused, on the grounds she totally made it up, she threatened to commit me, and told my mother that I was a "danger to myself and others" (keep in mind I was 18 at the time).

About 6 months later I was sent to another therapist. She read the info from my doctor and the first therapist, talked to me for an hour, and said, "There is nothing mentally wrong with you other than a deep distrust of doctors!" She helped me find an endocrinologist and with his treatment of my disease I am now perfectly fine--mentally and physically.

My point here is there are therapists who tend to have a preset idea of "things that are wrong with women". Look at all the "false memories" of the early 90s--suddenly everyone was molested but no one remembered it.

I'm not saying your therapist is doing this or anything of the sort, just to keep this in mind if you find things getting "weird". You know you better than anyone else, even a professional.

Good luck!

You may want to take a personality test, which may be costly, and then take it home and resolve to work on what is "out of whack" one small step at a time until things are "in whack." In other words, maybe all you need is a boost which will then enable you to work on yourself on your own.

Oh boy, I REALLY think therapy is a TOTAL waste for me, first of all I really don't have anything I want to say and the Lady keeps asking me the same things, sheesh, write it down!!! She asked me for the third time how I got along with my mom, I say we got along fine, she says Oh, you don't get along now??? HELLO, NO, she died, GOD!!!! Also I has a major eating disorder, but am at a normal weight now, but STILL obsesss ALWAYS about it and NEVER eat normally, apparently whomever wrote down I had an eating disorder did not say it was anorexia, I guess the therapist just assumed it was over eating, gee, thanks, so now I'm FAT??? WHATEVER!!! I think my main problem is that since I was anorexic for so long that I am hormonally out of whack and chemically imbalanced, but can only get the drugs if I see a therapist, so guess I am stuck for a couple of months anyway. Hopefully the drug will help and I can sort out my own self!!! Thanks for letting me vent, I'm in a pissy mood today!

...and it's ok to be in a pissy mood, kittypal.

Kitty, I can certainly understand your frustration if she doesn't even remember important details of your issues. Have you considered changing therapists?

Just because someone is a therapist, sure doesn't mean they are good ones. I have been given the most absurd advice from therapist. I followed bad advice given one time. It was against my better judgment, but I thought they were the pros and I was the confused one. The repercussions of following that advice were bad.

Therapy is probably only as good as the therapist you can find. I have had difficulties with this one and gave up. When you get the feeling that you have more common sense than they do or something just doesn't hit you right, look for another one.

Some of the advice I have been given was absolutely void of common sense. I stopped seeing that person immediately. They aren't helping and can make matters worse with poor advice.