I feel deeply disturbed. A friend of mine’s stepson died. He was seventeen years old. (His girlfriend also died) He was killed in a car accident early Tuesday morning. His friend took his mother’s car out after she went to sleep. He ended up wrapping it around a tree. The driver of the car lived. He has a broken arm and some cuts. He was charged with driving while intoxicated. (Vehicular manslaughter or homicide charges probably will follow.)

I know these kids did a stupid thing, but it does not make the anguish any less severe. I knew this young man for ten years. He used to idolize me when he was younger. His brother and himself used to call me Hercules. (They somehow thought I looked like the character from the television show that was on at the time.)

I have spent a good amount of time with his family. I helped this kid learn how to fish, water ski, and ride motorcycles. The newspaper kind of portrayed him as a bad kid. He was not a bad kid. He had problems in school and with certain authority figures. (Never my wife or myself) I do feel his parents (stepfather included) made some poor decisions on his upbringing. I never said anything about it because it was not my place to do so. He was a kind hearted young man. I will miss him.

I spent about an hour on the phone with my friend last night. His wife is taking it extremely rough. When I see her this evening I don’t have a clue on what to say.

So many people I have known have died in the past year. Ten people I was casual acquaintances with died on September 11th, 2001. My uncle (my mother’s twin brother) died last October. My grandmother (My mother’s mother) died in January. Now this. I don’t know what to think or feel anymore. I was just beginning to feel good about life, but not now. Life once again sucks at the moment. I am tired of dealing with death.

I don’t even really know why I am posting this.

I will miss you Michael Korin

Koz-- I am so heartsick for you and the families of these young people. It's so difficult to know what to say to help you find comfort at this time. For what it's worth, I read the article and I didn't get any impression that Michael Korin was anything but a nice, loving young man.

You have seen far more than your share of death over the past 12 months, and for that I am also truly sorry. Living through the grief, I imagine, has actually made you stronger. Your strength is what will help your friends endure this tragic loss.

Michael's parents are devestated, but your being there for them to listen to them when they need to talk about this tragedy will be an enormous comfort for them.

It is times like these when we don't know what to say. Sometimes, it's best to say very little, but to simply be there to listen. The parents know you love Michael too, and you share in their pain.

You're all in my prayers.

I'm so sorry for your loss. The feelings that you are having are natural.
I too will keep you in my prayers.
Michael is with God now, try and find peace in that. Puppy

Dear Koz,

Thank you for sharing your experiences and your feelings. It looks like you suffered shock, great losses, and must be in a lot of pain. You have my sincerest condolences on the loss of your dear friends, Koz.

Anyone who experienced the losses you did, would feel disillusioned with life. I did, last year, after losing 2 family members and a dear lady friend within six months. At those times, grief overlaps. And most often, we feel overwhelmed and confused with it.

You did a courageous job in reaching out and expressing your feelings. Although it seems like it will, right now, the grief won't last forever. In the meantime, I would think you are going to need support. If you feel the need, counselling would be a good idea. Whatever you decide, you are most welcome to share more with us about your feelings and where you are in your grief. Whether it's sadness, anger, confusion, your feelings are precious and deserve acceptance and validation.

Be kind and gentle with yourself, now, Koz. My thoughts are with you.

Koz, i dont know that i can say anything that will make the hurt go away.
But I can tell you that you are not alone.
From my experiences in driving the ambuance i have come upon some very horrible things, sometimes even having to experience the death of a friend from my school, from car accidents and suicides.
I was not the only person affected by these tragedies, but i found my place afterwords, in situations like that you are almost never alone in your loss, and i found that by being a shoulder to cry on for my friends, that i could help them in their loss, and at the same time it would help me.

I can understand how you are unsure of what to say, because we all are... what DO you say in a situation like that.
but i found that just being there, and offering your love and help to those people helps yourself and them.

P.S. If you need someone to talk to, I have a lot of experience in these things (sadly), but maybe i can just be someone to listen and help you out. Feel free to email me.
-Chris

Thank you for posting your feelings here....

We will all be "shoulders" for you if you need us...I recently lost a nephew, although it was expected eventually and certainly not under the same circumstances, which had to be absolutely devastating to you and the rest of the family, but still.

An unexpected and sudden death of any loved one is difficult for everyone. It will only be through the continued support you give EACH OTHER that comfort might be had.

As others have said, if you need to talk, please don't hesitate to email...

My prayers and thoughts are with you....Joni

Koz, just wanted to let you know I'm still thinking of you today. You and your friends are in my prayers.

How are you doing? Please e-mail me if you need to talk, or even to vent a little.
I'm here for ya man. Puppy

I sincerely appreciate the support you people have given me. (I just might take up the offer sometime next week)

The police dropped the driving while intoxicated charges. The driver’s blood alcohol level was .01.

(In New York State intoxicated is .10; the level for a charge of driving while impaired is .08 for adults and .05 for minors.)

From what I found out last night the kids bought a six-pack of beer, and five full cans were still in the car.

My friend feels a little better knowing the driver will not be going to jail. He did not mean to kill his friends.

This is hurting me deeply. I guess it is due to they were so young. Just starting out in life. Never will get the opportunity to enjoy the many fine things that life has to offer.

I have experienced a wide range of emotions over the last couple of days. Today will be very tough. There will be many young very upset people at the wake.

After leaving my friend’s house last night I talked with my wife for hours. The confusion, anger and sadness overwhelmed me. I have been able to stay pretty tight, but I feel like I am loosening a little. I am not trying to sound macho or anything, but I have not cried since I was fifteen years old. (I will be thirty-nine next week) I cried last night.

Thank you all, very, very much for your kind words.

Koz, my heart aches for you. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I don't think there are any words that could do that.
Your right, the death of a young person is so overwhelming, surreal even.
Just try and focus on the fact that he is with God and angels are now looking after him.
I read the artical that you posted on Michael. He was a beautiful boy.
Take comfort in the fact that you had all that time with him and no one can take away memories.
Puppy

I am so sorry about your loss.
Sometimes you just need to let all those sad feeling go and taht´s what you did here. Thank you very much for sharing them with us.
I will pray for you and those kids...

Big hug

I think the best thing you can do for the survivors in a situation like this is just put your arms around them and hold them, and if you feel the need to say something, say "I'm so sorry." Don't indulge in platitudes. The important thing is the holding. The human touch has a way of making things better, if only for a moment or two. It's very comforting. If you feel the need to do more, try to find some little task that they do routinely and take care of it for them - something as small as paying the paperboy can be a terrible burden when you're in shock and can't concentrate on anything. I remember that these are the things I really appreciated long ago when my baby girl died and more recently, when my husband died. May God be with you. Catty

There has been so much death and illness in my family in the last 2 years that you'd think I'd know what to say, how to comfort. I can only tell you how sad I am for you, how my heart breaks.

Thank you for your concern. It means a lot to me.

I just got back into some sort of routine yesterday. I went to the Mets game with my friend last night. (I should say rout. They lost 16-3) He is doing ok. We talked about many things yesterday.

I spent the weekend in Richfield Springs, New York. (And Cooperstown)
I am feeling a little better, but still have tough moments.
I spent four days with my dog. (He is a very good therapist)
I had a lot of time to sort things out. I’m still angry and confused though.

I had the chance to talk to a couple Baseball Hall Of Fame members. Whitey Ford is an old friend of my mother’s sister. Not a close friend, he was a member of a country club that she works at. I informed him of my family’s losses. He talked about a son he lost not too long ago also. (He got choked up when I told him about Michael and he never even met him) I think we helped each other a little. He is a kind man.

I had many memories good and bad. I can’t explain why certain things pop into my head.
I don’t think I have slept more than an hour at a time lately.

I am still trying to sort things out. (Having a great deal of difficulty)

Koz, I'm so glad that your okay. I was worried.
There is nothing I can say that will make you feel better. I wish there was. I would say it a million times. People say that time heals all wounds, but I think those people have never truly experienced heartache.
Just know that I'm here for you anytime you need to talk. And your right, your dog could be your very best therapist, after all, what does dog spell backwards?
I'm here for ya man. Puppy