What can a person do to increase his/her self confidence and self esteem (maybe they are the same?) to not be so reliant on other people to give you "meaning" in life or something to look forward to?

Well, quite a few people deal with this issue. The most important thing to do is to STOP BEING NEGATIVE. That is, stop introducing thoughts and statements about yourself that are negative. "Gee, I am fat" while looking at a mirror. "I am stupid", anything that down-cuts yourself. When you are negative long enough, you begin to believe it. When someone compliments you, you probably are sheepish and have a hard time excepting it. I bet when someone says something negative, you take it to heart and almost "hug" it to yourself even though it hurts. You need to stop accepting the negatives and start thinking positives. Everyday, say one good thing about yourself, AND MEAN IT. When you do something well, compliment yourself. Your house looks great after a day of cleaning..."Boy that looks great.. I did a good job". That kind of thing. Cast off the negatives and start reinforcing yourself with the postives. It will be a long slow process, but you can do it. I have faith in you.

I just recently had a MAJOR problem in dealing with self confidence. I had such a low self esteem... and well I hated who I was. However, I am a totally different person now. People who havent seen me in several months will be quite shocked. In fact, at times I think I am too vain.

"Dont look at what you dont have, look at what you DO have."

That quote made me realize I should stop being depressed about the things I wanted to be and rather look at the things that I am. I laid out my heart before me and looked at all the great things about myself... there were so many things I didnt even know was there !!!
But I also looked at that bad things about me and instead of being depressed about it I changed the bad into something more positive.

Dear Hassia,

I can understand how you feel and where you are comming from. Sometimes, I find myself surrounded by negative influences and feel like I'm sinking. It effects my self-esteem and self-confidence, just as you described.

At times like these, I go to where I know another person(s) needs support, validation or could just use a boost. By listening to their feelings and concerns and supporting them emotionally, it lifts my spirit in three ways.

First, it builds my self-confidence back up. Seeing the other person respond to support, gives me a sense of usefulness. Second, by supporting, validating and comforting the other person, I remind myself of the positive thoughts that lift my own spirit. And third, my self-esteem goes up, knowing that I helped another human being out of a "slump" and gave them some tools to move ahead.

So, for me, giving is really getting.

Hope this helps, Hassia.

doriek

Personally, I like to hear songs that boost me self esteem and that makes me feel strong. For example when I am having love problems I like to hear "I will survive" from Diana Ross (I think). I know it sounds corny but I swear, it has helped me a LOT!

Values are the things that give meaning to our lives, so my suggestion is to find out what you value- whether it be reading, writing, travelling, cooking, or gardening, and spend more time doing exactly that. Try to keep busy with activities that make you happy. You can do these things outside of yourself to help you feel better, but self-confidence comes from within. So I also suggest that you think of ten things you like about yourself. Whenever you get depressed try to think of these things. Someone gave me this suggestion and it worked for me. Also, pay attention to how many times a day you tell yourself negative things. I did this and was surprised how often I thought bad things about myself. This is negative programming and when you see yourself start to do this, stop immediately and replace it with something positive. I know this is easier said then done, but with time you should see a change. I have and my life has gotten better as a result.