Do you think it is possible for people to spend to much time trying to self help their lives? (meetings, groups, classes, books, seminars, retreats, church meetings) Where do you draw the line between self help and selfishness? Is it possible to be so absorbed in your own needs that everyone else around you suffers? Can someone be addicted to self help?

Of course too much self-help can be damaging. Anything taken too far is damaging.

If her self-help efforts are NOT helping and are NOT improving her life, she is simply moving from one quick fix scheme to another.

Real self-help is about growth.. an emotional journey to reach the best each of us is able to be.

I'd think any amount of self-help would be positive for someone and whoever she is attached too because she'd be focused and be more productive. I don't see why helping ones self would ever not be improving her life. You would miss out on a lot of extras you could be doing though and people might be bothered that she's not thinking of them.

I would say the line between self-help and selfishness is very thin, maybe even overlapping.

The best is the self-help books to cure you of your addiction to self-help books. ...The only trouble is that you don't get to write a sequel!

I think that people can benefit from self help. Moderation is key! I think your friend is going overboard. I have read, or I should say skimmed, through self help books and found a few useful ideas. I haven't ever found words to live by, just ideas here and there that do help you. I don't think it should be taken entirely seriously. These books are someone's opinion of what works for them. We all are very different. We have to find what works for us and that doesn't allways come in book form.

(hollow laughter) I seldom talk about this, because I prefer to leave that part of my life behind me, but I found it prudent about a dozen years ago, to join NA...The 12-step program for drug addicts modeled on AA....The program was invaluable to me in my quest to rid myself of a rather nasty habit, but after a while I noticed that a significant number of my fellow members were as addicted to the program as they had been to their previous drug of choice...the next meeting, the next chip, just as avidly sought as the next line, the next pill once was...so much so that their lives centered on the program to the exclusion of ANY other activity. One woman had been clean for over ten years, and was still going to three meetings a day, not working or socializing...just waiting until the next meeting.These are the people I thought of when I read your subject line...and in answer to your question YES Self help can become as addictive a crutch as the original problem ever was

Mrs. S, you are right about AA addicts. I went to several meetings with my husband over his drinking problem. Come to think of it, I saw the same exact thing. People that have been sober for years still come to meetings held all over the place. They really aren't seeking different things in their lives. They aren't hurting anything by doing this, but we need a more rounded life than that.

I have also seen the complete opposite. It is usually court ordered people attending either selling or buying drugs and make new connections at AA meetings. That is really bad. Most people come for understanding, support, and help to be tempted by people in the parking lot. Great!

Clare -- sounds like the person you are referring to is unable to look deep inside herself to figure out what the root of her problem is, so instead she desperately runs from one self-help book, to a self-help program, to her church's recovery group, to whatever else she can find to try to ease her emotional turmoil.

Until she really is honest with herself and tries to figure out the root of her problem, she's going to run like a hamster on a treadmill through self-help madness.

To answer your question, yes she is being selfish by "helping herself" if it is causing her to neglect her responsibilities (such as looking after a child).

Has your friend actually ever been to a psychologist or psychiatrist for help. This might be a better first step than her trying every "self-help" program that comes along.

She sounds very desperate and desperate people take drastic measures to heal themselves sometimes.

Everything that everyone here as said is right on the mark! I totally agree that many of the AA or other addict meeting programs become the "social lives" for the people who attend. These people become their friends and they spend much of their time there. I don't see such a big problem with that -- maybe some people need constant reassurance (even for years) to prevent themselves from being tempted by their addiction.

Once an addict, always an addict. An alcoholic can't go without a drink for 10 years and then say they are not an alcoholic ... the same holds true for drugs and other addictives.

Please remember that you can't "fix" or "change" this person. It's her own struggle.