how do you get rid of resentment towards a person you have to see everyday whether at work or someone you live with? simply ignoring or not having anything more to do with this person is not possible.
how would you deal with it?

I thank my lucky stars that person is not involved in my personal life.

i will be more specific: your lover, your boss, a close friend, immediate family member.
someone who is very much indeed involved in your personal, day to day life.

First of all, you identify what your resentment is based upon.

#1 Is it something you Can or Can't Change?

#2 Does the person know you feel this way?

#3 Have you attempted to reconcile the feelings with discussion about what you are resentful of?


If this person is your lover, friend or family member (especially the first two since you CHOSE them) is there a reason you can't discuss the problem? Bosses are rather different.. and sometimes you need to tread lightly within that relationship.


I am talking out of my hat since I have no idea what you may be talking about, but I have resolved a number of bad feelings about people I knew, family or co-workers by simply discussing the feelings and dealing with them.

If I am aiming the wrong direction, perhaps you could add some more to this thread?

Hassia,
It's a very hard thing to do, I'll give you that. First, you have to narrow down what is causing the resentment. This might sound stupid and corny, but it's not and it works so try this. Get in a room by youself, close your eyes, and take three deep breaths. Clear your head of everything else except that person and situation that is causing the resentment. Blow it up in your mind so that it is perfectly clear. What would be a possible solution to end it? If you can't go to the person and resolve the situation, then what can you do? It's not healthy for something like this to sit inside you and fester. It'll get bigger and bigger until it eats you alive. (Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.) Soon, the only thing you'll think about every time you see this person is how much they agitate you.
Pray about it!
Luke 6:28 says, "Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you." It's hard to pray for the people that are hurting you! If you find you can't bring yourself to do that just yet, pray for yourself. Pray that you will have a change in attitude.
Proverbs 25:21-22 gives great advice! "If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the LORD shall reward thee."
Try and try and try to do nice things for the person that annoys you. I've actually tried this, and it's proven to work over and over. Not only do they wonder what you're up to, but it makes them feel terrible that they've been so terrible.

I don't know where you're at, or even if this is a personal problem with you and that's why you're asking. I know I'm not on WR, but I seem to have a penchant for quoting Scripture. Email me if you want to talk, Hassia. I've got lots of experience with resentment and bitterness both.

Praying for your enemy is the hardest thing to do BUT it does work ...and not easy, by any means.
Clerky, I admire your answer.

Do what I do: ignore them. Then, when they're out of site or not looking, sneer and hiss and roll your eyes to your heart's content.
Express! Don't repress.

Resentment will eay YOU up. Since I don't know if the problem is resolvable, you may have to come to some terms of acceptance of the situation. For your own sake, try to work the situation out with this person by talking. If you get no resolution, quit beating your head against the wall. It isn't worth it. You have to let it go somehow.

write them a nice long letter, tell them exactly how you feel about them, insult them, curse at them, threaten all manner of violence, and allow yourself to feel deeply whatever emotion this brings up. Make it at least 3 pages.

Then wad it up and throw it away. My therapist recommended this, AA recommends it because it works. You may have to do it 2-3 times as you recall different incidents, but it will work.

Catty

I am not fooled. Where there is resentment, there must have first been hurt. I have found in my life that I have had to go through three steps: hurt, anger, and disgust. It may be a good sign that you are bogged down at the anger phase, truly wishing to avoid the disgust phase. Now, having admitted by posting your question that you are truly in a phase of anger and confusion, you must get alone or alone with God to replace your negative anger with positive goals. Positive goals will erase the confusion and lessen the anger. Likely, you need to throw out past foolish expectations and replace them with present and future realistic expectations. Do not forget to count your blessings with the past hurtful person and with life in general. God may be trying to teach both you and the hurtful person some of life's lessons . . . even as a twosome. Maybe you are toughening up, which is an exercise in maturity. Generally, from time to time, everyone should plan a positive future and spit out a negative past and present. Although we cannot succeed in avoiding all ruts, we can make it a practice to try to escape as soon as possible those into which we find ourselves.

[This message was edited by tsaeb on 02-16-03 at 02:57 AM.]

Impressive advice. You have to let this go. I especially like the part of adjusting your own expectations. Advice worth listening to.