Alot of you already know my real mom is dead and I had found out Im adopted by my grand parents this past year. Well, it was just this year that of course I found out about my real mom. Not too long after my dad and grandparents took me away from her (not by her choice) that she took a overdose and drank and died. I find this so hard to accept. How do you even grieve for someone you never remember but, is an important part of your life? I would like to be able to put some closure on this but, its so hard to do. Also I don't know that the reason she even killed herself is because I was taken away from her? How can anyone ever put closure to this? It stays with me day and night.

[This message was edited by samantha on 04-08-03 at 01:17 AM.]

Samantha, that is very rough.

Why not try to "get to know her"? Speak to her parents, find her friends, speak to your dad, ask them questions about her. Learn to know who she was and what her goals in life were before she became despondent.

You could make up a sort of scrap book, get some photos, take pics yourself of her home growing up, perhaps the school she went to. Look for her teachers, that sort of thing. Investigate and learn to know her.

Sammy, I won't even pretent to know what you are going through. I do know though, that you need to grieve, and you haven't done that yet. My first response is to tell you to talk about it with a threapist, but I know you so well, and you won't. You're so stubborn! How about talking to your grandparents about her? Maybe your brothers who knew her better? If they could tell you things about her that you don't know, give you some picutures...something that you can actually grasp at. You are feeling a loss that you didn't even know was there until recentely. You have to find an outlet for that. You need to figure out, where in your head and heart it belongs.
You know, I'm no therapist, but you're the best friend I've ever had and I'll always be here for you to talk too. You are my sister.
Maybe visiting her grave site would help put some closure on this for you? Go by yourself, talk to her, ask her questions. Cry, hollor, scream your lungs out, but get it out Sammy, before it eats you up. I think if you can figure this out, a lot of the other problems in your life will get figured out as well.
I'm here for you, day and night, night and day. You know that, you can call me, write me or visit me. Whatever you need, I'm here.

Thanks guys guess I should have said a little more here than what I did..First of all my mom and dad were not married and she was from south carolina. I do not know her family and I doubt that anyone would give me that information as they do not want me to have contact with any of them for some reason, and thats if they are still alive. My brother only tells me that there is just somethings that dont need to be known and I am better off. Her gravesite is somewhere in s.c. so thats one reason this is so hard on me. I do have a picture of her and she is beautiful. thanks anyway guys..aww puppy you know I feel the same love you right back!

[This message was edited by samantha on 04-08-03 at 01:42 AM.]