I am just feeling ...at loose ends.. unable to commit to my wish to lose weight and become fit. I've spent 5 years at this now... I lost 86 pounds then gained 50 then lost another 60 getting back to about 170 pounds.. with only like 20-30 pounds left to lose.. and now I have gained back over one hundred pounds.

I desperately want to lose the weight, I want to be healthy, I want to be there for my sons lives, but I simply have no more ... stuff.. umph into this effort.. it is all bled away... I am almost sick of food.. sick of eating, hate when I do binge, do not want it but can't stop it or ignore it.

Food is like drugs to me... can't leave em .. need to have it.. (to live for sure).......

I am about to give up and try to be a happy fat person.

I swear weight and cussing have got to be the two most difficult things to deal with. As you said you need to eat and you can't just not buy any more words. You know more about diet and diets than I do as a Rn so you know this is a motivation issue. I know you have a lot to deal with on a daily basis which weighs heavily on you. Food then is one of the simple pleasures in life. Trying to eliminate the "reward" will leave you frustrated and obsessing over the weight and the food in conflict with each other.

Perhaps turning it into a positive will help. Make it a reward to look foward to. Two points in that. One it becomes a pleasure you allow yourself. And two you look foward to it by delaying till the end of the day.

I'm sure I am not telling you anything you don't already know but perhaps I am shedding a new light on it. Best wishs.

Jeeze don't give up...

Perhaps consider shifting the focus of your dual "wish to lose weight and become fit." That is, why not focus on being fit. There's lots of ways to measure fitness other than with a scale. Then you could take some pressure off of yourself about weight, which would help your outlook, which would decrese your desire to binge.. you get the point.

Try to steal 45 minutes a day, 5 or 6 days a week - for fitness. Running is my choice, but walking, skating, swimming, aerobics, etc. are all good. Make a log which shows your progress in either time, distance or both - and concentrate on reaching reasonable goals in performance. Ya know like, reaching a mile in under 10 min, then maybe a mile and a half, and so on. This way you're guaging your improved fitness rather than simply your weight. As your general fitness improves the weight will likely gradually disappear - and if not, then you've just strengthend your heart, cleared your arteries, lowered your blood pressure, lowered your pulse rate, and then you can consider being a "happy fat person"

If you want to try running, walking, or swimming you should check out coolrunning you can create your own on line fitness log, get great advice, and exchange thoughts with hundreds of other people facing the same challenges in their very active forums.

Good luck, and keep your chin up!

"I am about to give up and be a happy fat person".

If you do that Sherasi, the weight will come off faster then you think. Be happy with you. Leave the 'diets' out of your life, just for now and be happy with yourself. Once you do that, you'll be amazed how fast you lose weight, even without trying.

My advice, for what it's worth, STOP THE DIETING. It's not working and it's only making you unhappy. You think about it all the time and it's become an obsession. Make your emotional self happy and the weight will shed itself.

i agree with pup 100%.
focus on being happy first.
when you are happy, it will be much much easier to focus on weight loss.
its taken me a while to realize this, and now i am happy with who i am as a person, not a number on a scale. i actually dont have a scale in the house, and that helped a LOT.
now that im not focusing on the negative, i think i will be able to cut out a lot of fattening food that i didnt even realize i was eating, because i was to depressed and stressed.

instead of focusing on 'eating healty', just try to not eat unhealthy.
dont scold yourself if youve had a bad day and have fast food instead of stemed vegies and rice, and if you need a bit of chocolate, by all means have some!

and when you feel happier, you do more physical stuff simply because it feels good. take your kids to the park, or even just outside to play, start a flower garden, or dance to music in your living room.
its amazing how much more you can do when you are happy with yourself.
i have lost 5 pounds in the last month, just because i am no longer depressed and am goig outside more.
now that i have a lot of things worked out, i think i can focus on my eating habits.
try the same thing. get happy first, worry about the weight later.

and remember, we all love you here, and will love you no matter what.

besides, which is better, being skinny and miserable, or being happy and losing weight?

Aww Sher - I know exactly how you feel! Well...I know exactly how I feel, and everything you said sure sounds familiar!
I've fought weight for so long and it's always come back - with interest! I find it very hard to believe I can do it on my own anymore.

I am about 99% convinced to have gastric-bypass surgery. I've talked to a doctor, I've read lots of websites, I've heard both pros and cons from other patients. I know that my life will completely change as far as food goes - I won't have a choice. But I'm desperate enough to do that. It's no longer just a vanity issue; but a case of do something now or suffer some very serious consequences later (and maybe not so much later at that).
Of course, if I do have the surgery, I'll keep everyone updated on every detail!

I understand the weight-depression cycle. They feed on each other. Of course, once you reverse the cycle, weight-loss and depression-loss encourage each other. But how to break that.
Pup's right about being happy with yourself. But my problem is how do I become happy with myself? I'm too miserable with myself to be happy! "Aye - there's the rub!"
Lynda has a good point about just thinking about NOT eating UNhealthy - an interesting perspective!

Anyway Sher - I just want you to know you are not alone! I have a very good idea what you're feeling. Talk to me anytime you want.
And maybe soon, something will "click" and you can make the turn-around you need! I hope so!

It's so amazing that we all feel the same way, get depressed eat, get more depressed cause we ate, eat again to get rid of depression from eating Sounds logical what we should do huh, but why can't we?????

Sher, you've got some good advice here. Puppy's right, be happy with who you are right this moment.

The amazing thing is that you don't see the person that we see. You are intelligent, kind, compassionate, considerate of others feelings. You love your family. You deserve to love yourself because you give so much of yourself. Just being a nurse tells me that you strive to give to others. Why won't you give yourself a break? Be happy with who you are regardless of the weight.

I know you want to be healthy and control your cholesterol and prevent your weight from ruining your health. Those are the reasons to lose weight. Don't focus on wearing a certain size jeans or what society has shoved down our throats as "beauty." Just focus on your health and your future.

As exercise goes, all you need to do is walk. The summer's fast approaching and a leisurely evening stroll with your family has more benefits than exercise, it brings you closer together as a family.

I have been reading the Overeater's Anonymous website. It seems like a really good program for people who are compulsive binge eaters. You may want to check it out and see if it may be something that may help you get the "kick start" and motivation you are looking for. The site is located at www.overeatersanonymous.org.
We love you Sher and we want you to live a long and healthy life so that you can bounce grandchildren on your knee one day.

Don't give up and don't beat yourself up. Just do the best you can and treat yourself with respect and love. It will come around when your head and heart are same track.

Wow, great responses everyone.

I am working on the motivation...... and the self-love.... ironic isn't it? We are willing to sacrifice everything for everyone else.. except ourselves.

Try being happy fat - The key is being happy.

Let us look at this from the medical angle:

For 5 years you have been yo-yoing attempting to overcome eating issues, more than likely you have tried weight loss pills and you have tried every diet that has come down the pike.

Thing about this yo-yo is that each time you lose, you end up gaining more than you lost.

I can tell you why that is, because the human body is designed to survive, and by putting it on a diet you are telling it that there is a famine going on. In order to insure survival, as son as you start eating normally the body will convert all the food it can into a secondary fuel supply (Fat) to stave off the next famine.

This sets up a conflict between you (the mind) and you (the body) Your body is doing what it is suppose to do (Insure your survival) and you are trying to get it to look nice so you feel good.

It ain't going to work, even if you are not binge eating and even if you are seriously training and starving. It's a conflict of interests. One of you are going to have to give. You are not happy, your body is not happy.

I fear that your body is not a rational creature and will never listen to reason. You, on the other hand, can.

So, here is my proposal. Stop dieting, stop fighting, and let nature take her course for a while. Let your body come to grips with the notion that there is not a famine going on at this time - Feed the body, and it will come to understand that it doesn't need that extra fuel source because food is plentiful. Let your body be happy and be content with that for a while.

I would suggest no dieting for a year. Yep, all the way through 365 days no diet plan to follow, no stressful 'I can only eat...' "I'm not allowed..." No weigh ins and most of all, no long stares at the mirror with wistful thinking of how 'pretty' you'd be as a size 4 or some such nonsense. This holiday season savor and enjoy all the Turkey and Pie and Christmastide offers without guilt.

Ah, the key here, Don't feel guilty. In fact, if you set it firmly in your mind that this year is a guilt free year, you may become happier just knowing that you have that terrible stress off of you for a full 365 days.

I suspect that once you accept that you do not have to pursue a diet this year that the stress that diet puts on you will lessen, you may not be wanting to eat as much as you have.

You can take on more exercise.

Before there is a collective moan here, Nobody has to join a gym or take up weight lifting or take up a serious sports program to take on more exercise.

Let me give some examples of more exercise:

1. If you are the kind of person who finds that you are willing to drive around the parking lot to find a parking space closer to the doors, you can seriously increase your amount of exercise at parking father away from the doors. Trust me, not only is your car less likely to get backed into, but you do not have to deal with the hassle of fighting to get into the one parking space that everybody seems to want.

Then walk to the store. Yep, you can even manage a shopping cart back to the car, they come with wheels. It is also fun to walk the shopping cart all the way back to one of the front shopping cart stalls so the box-person doesn't have to jog all the way out to the street for the cart.

Unless, of course, you are planning on hanging around and you like watching the Box-Person jogging to snag that errant cart back ;-)

2. Instead of cleaning house, try Dancing The House. Pop in some moving music, dance, trance, rave, whatever gets you bouncing, and clean to the rhythm of the music. I do a serious cleaning every Friday evening here, I play my tunes, dance with the broom, the mop, the vacuum, the dust cloth, not only do I work up a sweat, but I also go through the usual chore faster and it is, well, fun.

Yes I also bounce and sway and move my hips in common white boy fashion (without rhythm) and I also sing along, way out of key I'm sure, but I make it fun, moving and most importantly Happy.


3. Start a Vegetable Garden: No, you do not have to go out and dig up half the lawn to do this, you can even grow a lot of vegetables in pots on the door step. Not only does this give you a little extra exercise, but you are also growing some good food (nothing like a ripe tomato off the vine to make you feel good) but it also gives a body some me alone time. Even if you are only planting a couple of tomato plants, just getting out and pulling a few weeds and spraying some water gets you doing more movement than you would if you rely on Mr. Automatic Sprinkler to do the watering.

4. Listen to more music. I like all kinds of music, I tap my toes, sway and all that to the music. The TV comes on around 6:00 for the news, then goes off and stays off until around 10:00 when we watch out usual 'before bed' fare. Between that time, I have music going.

Presently I have 513 MP3files - most are happy, uplifting, bouncy music - things that make me move - That is all exercise is - movement. Even as I sit here typing, my head is bobbing, my toe is tapping - I'm feeling pretty good (Though I did put in 6 hours straight peeling wall paper today) and burning more calories because I'm doing just a little bit more.

With everything you add as exercise, you remind yourself that you are doing something that you are working on the problem and not having to starve yourself as you do so.

Just the thought that you are 'doing something' may go a long way to make the weight loss issue a smaller problem than it appears to be now. You are instilling happy behaviors, things that should fill that place that food has been.

Is it that simple? Yes, if you accept it as being that simple.

My suggestions are working on other issues, not the weight problem which at this time is unmanageable for you and appears to be a giant mountain standing in the way of your happiness and which appears to be a very big concern to you. We are attempting to make other aspects of your life happier, more productive and less stressful while adding a little more exercise to the daily routine.

I am also trying to get you to take a year off of the diet routine to allow your body to get used to the notion that food is plentiful and that there are no more famines to be prepared for. Let your body rest and reach it's own level before you start off with another weight loss program which will only frustrate both you and your body.

During this 365 day period, take the time to read up on the subject of nutrition and diet (not weight loss programs) learning why we need to eat all of these kinds of foods, and learning more about the foods you do eat, will go a long way in understanding where you are at when you are eating. Again, this is giving a positive 'doing something about it' attitude which is not forcing you to starve, or fret over what you eat today.

After you have read a few books on the subject, then you can start making informed weight loss choices. You will come to understand that there are a lot of possible changes you can make with out changing the amount of food you eat, but still reduce the calories.

For instance the difference between whole milk and 2% is around 50 calories a glass. Still drinking a full glass of milk, but you are getting less calories. Using a butter substitute in say mash potatoes instead of margarine will cut calories, but you can still eat as much as you did before. Trust me, there are a lot of cuts a person can make in their dietary intake of calories before they have to start cutting food. Fats and Sugars are the highest calorie packets, there are many ways we prepare and serve our food which adds calories and which is not needed.

Lets set a date of around or about 3 Months before the end of the year. That's when you will start drawing up a sensible, doable diet plan for yourself. If you have read anything on the subject of diets, you know that there is a very low pound per time average to aim for. That is because the human body is designed for long term survival. You will set many goals for yourself during the last three months of your year, only one of them would be setting a goal of X amount of weight loss.

Here are some suggested goals:

1. To drop a dress or pant size during the first two months time (Sounds like a really easy goal to make and exceed).

2. Try 3 new recipes per month, recipes which are lower in calories. You are not obligated to like them, nor do you ever have to eat them again - unless you want too.

3. Add an hour of walking one day a week for each 10-20 (Or what ever you think is reasonable for you) pounds of weight lost. That means if you have lost X amount of pounds at the end of a month that you will add an hour walk to each week - That could be be driving to the mall and walking around window shopping, it could be a pre-set hour walk after dinner, what ever is easy for you. If an hour is too much, then set the goal for a half hour.

You will of course set an upper limit to this. I would say that walking 1/2 hour every other day (Mon, Wed, Fri) with a solid hour walk on Saturday or Sunday (in the mall?) would give you 2.5 hours a week walking. Good enough to help lose weight, not only that but walking is one of the best forms of exercises that a person can do)

4. I will only weigh in once a month. (This is a hard goal to keep, because everyone wants to know if they are losing). When I weight in, I will not set an amount of weight that I should have lost, and be happy with any loss of weight I get, knowing that some months I will lose more than others.

5. Allow myself one meal every week to 'cheat' on my diet without guilt, knowing that the calories I eat in one day doesn't blow my whole diet. I know that I don't have to cheat if I do not want to either.

Through it all, live Just for Today

David

Wow David, that was an awesome post. I'm going to try and do most of what you said in there.

Can you come live with me and be my personal motivator??

David, I will have to think about what you wrote.

I will tell you this: I did no starving, did no fad diets, did not take diet pills, all my previous weight loss was simply by eating healthfully and cutting out almost all junk food and sweets.

I lost 86 pounds the first time and 76 pounds the second time. I, unfortunately, know HOW to lose the weight...... I've lost the will and emotional energy to continue my effort.

I have found it is more about my emotional status and less about my body status... otherwise the weight would have STAYED off.

I agree with what's been said, Sher. You have to be happy. If you are happy being "fat," then that's okay but if you would be happier thinner, then you have to reach that goal. Just take it easy. It can't be good for your body to be losing and gaining weight like that.
Everyone has had great suggestions, but let me give you one more. Sit down in front of a mirror and look at yourself. Just look at your face for a full minute at least. Look closely. Pick out all of the good things you see. Do NOT focus on negative things. Maybe you have cool eyelashes or you like the shape of your nose, or your ears, or you have a sexy mole. Anything. Just look at what you like. Keep doing this, a little longer every day. You do not have to like every inch of yourself, but it is important that you see the good aspects of you.
You can do the full body if you want (sexy ankles, soft elbows, long neck, luscious hair, whatever), but just remember to keep the positive aspects in mind.
You are beautiful, Sher, no matter what your weight. Just be happy with who you are.

What you cannot find within yourself you will never find without.

Sher... maybe you should try Weight Watchers...

I just joined and I think it's very cool and positive. It isn't very hard so far because I've found a lot of foods that I can eat that don't count much. (Subway rocks!)

I think you will be happier when you have some success at losing, so I hope you don't take the suggestion to just stop dieting...

You can do it and you know you'll feel better when you do. You should be happy with who you are, but if you don't feel healthy it is impossible to fool yourself into being happy with your physical condition... I tried to kid myself for years. It is good to separate your self worth from your sense of how your body looks and feels... your body is a container and it needs to be taken care of.

Maybe it would help to do some meditation? It seems kind of whacky but I find it very relaxing and with something like weight loss or addiction the mental aspect is 90% of the battle.

I really liked the Book "Moving into Stillness"... it had some very interesting mind, body, soul ideas that you may find inspirational.

WOW David, that may very well be one of the most best, if not the best posts I've read at AP. I commend you.

Shers, David is completly right, please stop the dieting. At least, like he said, for a year. It is not helping you. You are not losing weight (or at least keeping it off), and this is making you very unhappy, which is obvoious to me. And that is the last thing I or anyone else here wants. Give your body, mind, and your spirit a break. Please don't put his excellent advice to waste, I reallythink you will be much better off if you take it.

Do I identify with that. I just gave up my diet about a week or so ago. I have too many other problems that need my attention right now. I'm stressed out beyond belief. If I had to put things on a list that are upsetting me in order of stress level,my weight just isn't ranking up there in the top.

I'm not going to settle for this weight forever. But, there is only so much one can contend with at a time. The only advice I can give you is what I'm trying to do, sort. I'm not being fair to myself by self torture over weigh when there are too many other things that are causing me a lot more problems in life that require my attention if I ever want to make things better.

Maybe you need to just give yourself a break on this one for now. It isn't like our weight gain happened overnight. So a little more time living with it isn't that much of a big deal. What is a big deal is finding ways to deal with the larger stress issues so that you feel better. When you get a few of those off your chest, you will feel better. Then, when your stress level is more calm, try weight loss again.

Yelina, see why I hate posting after David! He kinda leave nothing left to say at times. Good job David!