hello, my name is hassia and i am dependent on other people for supporting and/or encouraging my self-confidence. However, getting these things from strangers who don´t know me does not do anything, i crave this ego-stroking only from people i love- in some way or another, especially from my husband. i feel like this is disasterous behavior. what do you think?

Hassia, what you describe is not uncommon. Many people feel they need validation from others. Even yet, I feel let down if Sagus doesn't compliment me on an effort I've made on my appearance or doing an extra hard day of house cleaning.

I, too, have low self esteem and having notice taken gives me validation. I sometimes get angry at myself that I cannot feel pride in my accomplishments without others taking notice.

I found a website that allows you to take steps in promoting self worth. I hope this helps.

Promoting Self-Esteem

I wouldn't say it was disasterous behavior. And I wouldn't automatically assume it was a problem with self esteem. Some of us are more Narcisstic in behavior than others. We want things to revolve around us. In the world there are givers and takers. This applies to emotions as well as material items.

Sometimes we need those closest to us to boost our egos and self-confidence. I'm sorry but me giving myself a pep talk just isn't the same as my best friend telling me the same thing. It's the validation that's important.

Of couse this is just my 2 cents worth...
said "Mr. Pot to Mr. Kettle"

I think most people are like this at least the ones I know. I am too. I enjoy hearing someone say Hey that is a good job Sam! Isn't this just sort of human nature to be this way? The only difference with me is I also enjoy hearing it from strangers too, in fact when it comes from someone who doesn't know me makes it even better since we tend to expect it from the ones who love us.

I will agree with all of you that we do need to be told how important we are to those we love and love us back. These simple three words, "I love you!" do wonders!
There are many who can't say these words, but SHOW their love well; through a hug, doing something without being asked or told, the list can be enless if we stop and think about it.
As far as CRAVING this affriming, in my own personal thoughts, I feel is borderline manipulative, meaning that one might do or say something that's puts the other in a postition where they have to do or say what this one wants or suffer the consequences.
I'm sure that Hassia is not like this! So, please don't throw rocks just yet!
Or anyone else here that has shared their own thoughts and insights.

Blessings!

May I suggest that you get a pet, possibly a cat? You have love to give away, and in time the cat will return some affection to you. This is a start. P.S. You can also e-mail me with your cranky woes, woman to woman. Others here do.

I don't think that this is a good thing for you and your feeling of self worth to feel a need to rely on others so heavily to boost your self esteem. It's like handing others a little too much power over your emotional well being. Self confidence and esteem need to come more from within.

People tend to keep quiet about the good things. You hear all about something they don't like. If it's something good, there is no problem. Why mention it. With bad things, people are problem solving and more verbal.

I guess that I am a complete opposite on this sort of thing. If I do something good, it is for the feeling inside it gives me. I don't even expect a thank you. I don't care what people think about me. I care much more about what I think about myself. It does make you feel good when someone gives you a compliment or recognition for something you have done. I don't think it's a good idea to be dependent on it. Strive to be a good person, not a people pleaser.

The reason that a pep talk to yourself doesn't work is that we don't believe it in the first place - we know ourselves too well, we think. My son, who's been supremely confident since he got his first tricycle, uses aphorisims to motivate himself. He pastes these little sayings all over the house, reads them in passing and goes on his way. That's all he does, but claims success. Might be worth a try. Personally, my self-esteem seen head on resembles a pixel it's so shrunken, but I strive for small successes and dwell on these. I think small successes are the way to go, while taking the lessons from the failures and throwing the hull away, as you'd do a nut.

Catty (who is full of opinions on every subject)