How does one not let things bother him/her?
i am the sort of person who can't get over it when people are mean to me for no real reason or when i do something dumb and i can't forget about it.
everyone says, "oh don't let it bother you"
but how does one put this advice into practical use, is it even possible?

Sounds like you're obsessing about things.
(And Stan's right - you're NOT alone!)

You could talk to your doctor about this - he/she may be able to prescribe a mild medication to help.

Or you could ask him/her about a stress-management course.

Good luck!

Tex is right, a stress-management class might help. The way to letting petty things roll of your back is to TRULY NOT CARE. When you do not care about what strangers or those who have no "stock" in your life think about you and yours, then is when it will "roll off your back". (Of course that only works when it is people you don't care about).

I, too, am quick to accept the criticism of a perfect stranger yet cannot accept the heart-meant compliment of a friend or love-one.

I used to let things like that bother me. I have developed a thick skin as time went on. If I do something stupid, instead of dwelling on it, I laugh about it.There is always going to be mean people in this world-that is they're problem. Think to yourself that mean people are born that way and you are above them. Learn to laugh at them too. That always makes me feel better, just knowing that they did not get to me.

Everybody hates criticism and everybody gets it. As a writer, I view most things from a writer's point of view. Writers are notorious for being defensive; just merely suggest that they've failed in their purpose in some way and you get the verbal finger, or they don't speak to you again, ever.

Here are some pointers:

1. First, examine the criticism to see if the Big Guy is trying to tell you something through this person. have you really done what you are accused of?

2. Remove all personal references (such as "I hate you you fat pig!" from the criticism. Consider the rest, if any remains. Is it worthwhile? If yes, take it under consideration. If not, assume it was aimed at someone else and just happened to hit you, and forget it.

3. Unless it's blatant ("Why don't you take a 12 step walk off an 11 step pier, you idiot?") realize that the person probably has nothing against you personally, but is just disagreeing with something you said, or did. People should attack the behavior and not the behaving, but they seldom do.

4. Pretend you're a therapist addressing someone who takes things too personally, and give yourself a talking to.

Hope this helps, in the words of the immortal Dwight!

Catty (who suffers from the same malady)

There are those of us who hurt easily and those who do not.

I think you can't really change how you feel, it does seem the older I get the less I take personally. I agree with catty though, look to see if the criticism is valid, sometimes we are too sensitive and take remarks the wrong way.

Example: After I lost some weight I got Wow you look good now. NOW??? What, did I look bad before????

kitty(too sensitive)pal

interesting question...

please dont be too quick to throw away a peaceful, happy feeling so you can feel hurt, snubbed, or incompetent.

It´s not easy not to care about other´s opinion. Maybe you could evaluate how important that person is to you. For example, if it´s your best friend who tells you something mean, you should care more than if it is a total stranger.
In spanish we have an expression that says "nadie es monedita de oro" which means nobody is a gold coin, so, not EVERYONE is going to like you all the time. We all have flaws, so just let the others talk. They are not perfect either.

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Originally posted by Sherasi:
The way to letting petty things roll of your back is to TRULY NOT CARE. When you do not care about what strangers or those who have no "stock" in your life think about you and yours, then is when it will "roll off your back". (Of course that only works when it is people you don't care about).

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That is by far the best advice you can get. I'm a worrier by nature. You say that you let things bother you. I think we are talking about the same thing. You have a lot of company with that problem. It isn't some abnormality. It is more of a dispositon of personality or something similar.

You have to learn how to quit making yourself miserable. Take the above advice. Prioritize things that mean something in your life from things that aren't as important. It will fall into place. You will probably always be a worrier. It helps put things in perspective, which makes a lot of it go away.

[This message was edited by Wildflower63 on 03-02-03 at 01:19 AM.]

You got some good advice here. Additionally, there are some things which you might think--and say only if you have the nerve and deem it wise to do so:

1. "Kiss my @ss." The last time I said this one was the last time I said this one, because my boyfriend at the time answered, "In Macy's window."

2. "Oh, yeah, you should see me naked." I never said this one, because I know that most men would make an appointment.

3. "Who died and made you God?"

4. "That's not what God told me last night." Make bulging eyes, and watch them run.

5. "After you" or "You first." I do use these two a lot.

6. "What? You didn't get yours last night?" This one my mother taught me by example. Old ladies get away with such things.

7. "You have me mixed up with someone else." Not a bad one at all! At least, this one can be uttered.

8. "What did you say? I have wax in my ear."

9. "Are you trying to press my buttons? I'll sue you for sexual harassment!"

10. "Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

11. "I beg your pardon. I am Miss America of 1970." Follow up: "That's the year I was 21." For us mature women, this one clears the air, all right!

12. "I'd take you home, but my cat would scratch you." This one is a real turn on.

13. "What the hell did you eat? Watch them scratch their heads.

14. "Whatcha on, honey?"

15. "Shut up, and give me your phone number before I lose interest!"

16. "Are you a participant on Answerpool?"

Hassia, it looks as though you need to increase your self-esteem and take some chances controlling the control freaks. Silence can cause illness, but a repetoire of quips shows 'em who's da boss of your life. I almost forgot: if you dare to express your verbal dissatisfaction/satisfaction (it's sometimes hard to tell in such situations), you may want to interject a "Lord, have mercy!" Sometimes the mere mention of God sends them running.

I believe that everyone is entitled to make one error. So see if the use of a sense of humor can turn around or preserve a relationship.

[This message was edited by tsaeb on 03-11-03 at 02:51 AM.]