Ugh, I can not seem to get past this depression, I KNOW I need to see a doctor, but I even hate to leave the house. I can't sleep, I'm so tense always, and I don't go out EVER unless I have, like to get groceries or cat food. I can't hold a job because I get so freaked about being out in public. I scare myself, I have saved two bottles of Elavil (don't know if it's a good suicide drug or not) but I don't think I could do it, I have two kitty cats that need me so I'm stuck plus I really want to live normally, if it's possible. This whole thing started 15 years ago with anorexia and bulimia and even though my weight is pretty much normal I just constantly obsess, I know I have posted before, it just feels good to get it out. My family thinks it's bull and I should GET OVER IT! O-tah thanks for the support!
I haven't even had a date for the entire 15 years, my youth is/has slipped by for no good reason. Well thanks for listening anyway, I'll be okay, today just sucked!

I was saddened by your post and worried as well. It is sometimes difficult to motivate when you seem to need it the most, but it really can be better for you once you seek professional help. Enlist a friend if your family can't/won't help. Make an appointment and ask a friend to drive you, that way the friend can see to it that you get up and go. Once you see a doctor and are possibly medicated, I think things will start to seem brighter for you, you will be more in control of yourself, rather than the depression controlling you. I know we are all here to help, but that can only take you so far, there is only so much we can do. Be brave, and make an appointment to see your doctor. Keep us posted on how you are feeling, good or bad.

Who buys your groceries? Do you take out the garbage? I'm wondering if you're on Medical Disable/Social Scurity? Do you have finacial aid since you're not able to work?

Depression causes many fears and what you're dealing with. Have you tried vitamins B6 and B12 this help raise the (sorry don't know the proper spelling) Seritona levels in the brain.

I was dealing with depression a lot until I was put on Prozac which due to medical reasons I got off from it, but I didn't want to be so depressed I couldn't cope with everyday living, again. I read about "Natural Prozac" with B6 and B12 and a balanced diet. I have not had any bouts of depression in some time.

Kittypal, you must make yourself get the help you need. I agree, get a neighbor, a friend go with you. I am praying for you. Karen

I see so much of myself in your words!

I didn't have anyone to turn to either. And my mother told me she didn't want to hear my problems! Oh WELL! And I was raised not to burden my friends with my problems! (Not a good pattern, right?)
Kitty - You're doing the right thing by turning to us and letting it out!

I suffered (I know you know it's not just a figure of speech) with depression until my brother's suicide (I was 39 by then). It shook up my perspective of my life and gave me a window of opportunity to make a change - and I ran with it!

A blessing - the therapist I went to was just the person I needed! I was on anti-depressants only part of the time, but had regular private sessions and group sessions. The group was also just what I needed - supportive of each other. I faced problems I couldn't admit even to myself!

Over the past 11 years I let insurance dictate which therapist I saw. Sad.
And I've been on antidepressants off and on.

But the best thing is getting in touch with myself and believing in myself!
Kitty - It CAN happen!
And being here at the Pool has been group therapy for me - I've learned to overcome my self-consciousness and just be myself!
(Thanks - All of you!)

But Kitty - Don't wait for a tragedy before you seek help! Getting a friend to help is good advice. If you don't have a friend you can turn to - then turn to us! Make the appointment and report back to us - let us know how you're doing! And if the doctor doesn't help - see a different one! (Been this route enough times!)

KittyPal - You're one of the most fun people at the Pool! And your game posts have given all of us so much to look forward to!
Vent anytime you need - we'll listen!
But MAKE THAT APPOINTMENT Girl!
And Kitty - You can e-mail me anytime you want!
Godspeed! --Mitzi

All of you are so sweet, you make me feel so much better and I will make an appointment. I told my sister-in-law last night how I felt, I didn't mention the pills or anything (don't want to get locked away) she understands though, her mom is an alcoholic and very depressed and she said she would go with me. I live with my father so right now I don't have to worry too much about money, but I can't depend on him forever it's not fair to him or to myself. I do go out to the store and that's about all I do, I even have missed friends weddings, showeres, etc...I have worked on and off I just can't do it for too long. What I want is to get well enough where I'm not scared to work, I want to live again and be the happy, lively person I once was. My friends used to love going out with me, now they don't bother because they know I won't go! Thanks so so much for listening it really does help. God bless you for being there.

I'm so glad you're going to make an appointment. When you're depressed, you don't want to move, much less do anything like leaving the house.

But -- I got to tell you -- going to the doctor has freed me from 84% of my gloomy times.

Good luck!

You are so sweet. If you EVER need anything just say the word. If you ever need someone to talk to.... I'm there. I only live about 20 minutes away from you. If you wanna have coffee and talk then I'm there! I would drive through all the construction to help you. (Now thats a true friend! he he) I'll even bring a big bag of M&M's with me.


~clare~

kitty,

Run, don't walk, to a professional. My daughter was bipolar with thoughts of suicide, and a cutter. We got her help. She went on Chlomiprimine and it was like she was a different person. She got married 3 weeks ago, and is starting a whole new life, free of the past demons.

I have been a cutter too, but haven't done that in years. Clare what a sweetie you are, thanks so much. I can't believe how many nice people are here, it brings hope. I do love m&m's!

Dear Kittypal

You are in a lot of pain, baby girl. I'm sorry your family doesn't understand. That's painful all by itself. I agree that if you are not in therapy now, please seek some. Like Juan mentioned, there are medications that can relieve the "obsessing". Obsessing can lead to depression and to feelings of despair. So, if you can get help for that, first, you can feel better and can move on.

You did great, comming here and sharing your feelings. We will be here for you and all our thoughts are with you.

Big hug (((((((kittypal)))))))

dorie

I agree with the many post here. Life does change. Don't ever think suicide is the answer. I think you may be neglecting to see your own strengths and spending way too much time concentrating on you weaknesses. I know the feeling all too well unfortunately.

Absolutely, you need to seek professional help. You need to motivate (yes, I know how hard that one is) yourself to do this. Remember, no one can do it for you. It may be a slow climb at first, but you will reap the rewards of living a life that is worth it to you. Only you can do it. Mental health care professionals can help you, but the work and benefits belong entirely to you. YOU CAN DO IT!

In my opinion, depression is a big red flag telling you that there is drastic change needed in your life. I don't think that you know what that change is yet, but you will. You need to go out every day and just take a short walk. You need some sort of socialization. You need some sort of part time job with short hours to give you some sense of purpose and accomplishment. You are never going to get the rewards if you isolate yourself. You are making matters worse as a matter of fact.

I understand completely how you feel. There have been days that I have thought that just taking a shower was a major ordeal. With the help of counseling, they can help guide you to what it really is that you want for yourself. Make some goals, just small ones. As you reach them, your self confidence grows.

You have to help yourself here. You have your cyber friends right here to cheer you on! You can have a better life. It's out there waiting for you to find it.

Honey, it's Monday morning, have you made that appt. yet?
Please do. I'm so worried about you. Pup

Yes, Kitty, have you? We are all worried about you. I hate to think you are suffering when there is help available. If you haven't the money to pay a therapist, call your local County Mental Health facility. They charge on a sliding scale, I'm sure. Please let them help you. I have suffered from depression for years but finally found the correct medication for me. God bless you, and please let us know how you get along.

Catty (who prays regularly for all her friends)

I can't tell you how much all your caring means to me, it has motivated me to get help. I made an appointment today, I go next Tuesday and I WILL GO NO MATTER WHAT, NO LAST MINUTE CANCEL!!!

Thanks again, you have really helped me feel loved.

Stacey

Hang in there sweetie. You have a friend here. Please if you need to talk (I know it helps!) Please, PLEASE, write to me...
A big hug
Lucy

I'm so glad that you are going through with getting some help. Don't ever give up on yourself. We aren't giving up on you! Ok, you have a gang of cheerleaders that are rooting for you. You seem to be a kind, thoughtful person. There is something out there for you. Go get it!

Thanks again guys, I actually got a job, only on Tues, Thurs, and Fri right now, this way I won't be over stressed. I had to change my appointment to Friday, but am looking forward to it. I don't think I would have done it with out all of you! You may have saved my life! Thank you!!!!