i've been mulling over babthrower's post and not sure how to respond. perhaps i'm being too sensitive. but my reaction bab is that this is akin to someone saying... oh come on. just get over it. and quite frankly, if i could there wouldn't be a problem. i do all the things that you mentioned - yet i walk around like an empty shell. i expect no one to be perfect... least of all myself. if you truly read my posts, then you also saw that i said i would NEVER leave my children without a parent...i do lots of things with my kids. that doesn't mean that i don't suffer from depression. what you say makes me wonder if you truly understand the affliction. i do lots of things to make other people happy. and i'm quite vital and 'attractive' it does little to fulfill me. do you have any understanding of chronic and severe depression??

I apologize for sounding angry.. but comments like these do make me angry. I take it as 'get on with your life'... 'enjoy the little things' and you won't be depressed. Well I do enjoy little things. But it does nothing to change my depression, and I resent when people say that and realize that some people just don't get it and never will. I think I explained very thoroughly that I have picked myself up time and time again, to no avail. As David said, I am powerless against this affliction. DO I constantly give in to it? No.. I manage to function to get through life. I don't sit here with the shades drawn 24/7. What I feel is that I am working against something that is so huge that it's insurmountable. That no matter what I do, it beats me down time and time again. It's cruel and unforgiving. What I'm looking for is a way to survive it, and perhaps you'll blast me.. go ahead. perhaps I've missed the gyst of it all along. Perhaps this paralyzation isn't common... I don't know. But it's very real to me.

If my reply made you angry, Gold, that is regrettable, because it was not my intention. I am not a professional therapist, and so all I can do is speak from my own experience. I married a bipolar alcoholic, and life was very "interesting" until I left him and raised my three children without his support, financial or otherwise. Two of my children are bipolar. All three are in their forties now, and I am happily remarried.

So I told you what works for me. If it doesn't work for you, that is to be regretted. All I can suggest is -- please disregard my post, since it does not apply to you.

Well Babthrower, I was going to comment yesterday that I found your post to be an excellent one and very tactfully written.

Now the following comment is not directed to anyone in particular. It is a comment that I've been holding in for the last few days - a general observation. "While we cannot change some of our situations we can change how we react to them" I come from an environment where you don't wallow in self pity and you pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get on with life. There is nothing to be gained by sitting back and feeling sorry for your-self. And those that get angry and defensive at that remark are those who see the truth in it but don't know how or don't want to apply it to their situation.

Instead of extending all that negative energy into depression, griping, complaining, arguing, crying, etc....all of which won't accomplish a darn thing, I find that if I put forth energy into doing what I enjoy doing and seeing the positive in everything, that I am a much happier person.

Thank you, Georgia.

There are only two options, as I see it. One can place oneself in the hands of the professionals, who understand the various drug therapies and so forth, and co-operate fully with them. I assume if that were the route that someone wanted to follow, he/she would not post the question here, in a lay forum.

The other approach is self-help. Actually from what I have read over the years in trying to understand my two bipolar children, cognitive therapy* is a helpful adjunct to other therapies in the treatment of depression and/or bipolar disorders.

And attitude adjustment is certainly one form of cognitive therapy.

* Definition: A form of psychotherapy using imagery, self-instruction, and related techniques to alter distorted attitudes and perceptions.

By the way, neither of my bipolar children had children. This was a conscious choice on their part, uninfluenced by me, and I respect them for making it.

I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to attack anyone. I'm just so frustrated is all. I do occasionally wallow in self pity. Because I think that I have allowed myself to believe that one of these times, I will pick myself up and maybe there won't be a next time. The whole point that i've made is as you have said.. is that I am back to a point of being paralyzed. When I get to this point, different things mobilize me.. it's temporary, but horrible. SO yes.. i'm irritable and defensive, because I know the work that lies ahead of me, and what is necessary for me to do. I dunno.. it's kind of like laundry... I get so satisfied with myself when I'm all caught up, like I'm done.. and the I realize I've forgotten that I'm never done... that it's an ongoing process, and if I neglect it too long it really piles up. Then I'm annoyed that I have to deal with it at all.

So, maybe negative energy doesn't accomplish anything. But for me, I also need to use it as a springboard to get me going sometimes. The reason I came to this forum when I discovered it, was to talk to people who might experience the same types of things.. that's the whole purpose of support 'groups' vs professional intervention is to be affected by different appreoaches. So it was my bad.. a big one for jumping on anyone who was kind enough to respond to my posts. Please accept my apologies.

Gold, please don't apologize, it was just a misunderstanding. But so you won't feel so alone, please know that we all -- every last one of us -- get weary, and sick of trying, tired of living and scared of dying, just like the song says. All of us.

It's true, as Dvd said, that people sometimes walk around with a smile pasted on their face, when inside they are tired, lonely, depressed, in pain, whatever.

Why? Sometimes it is because they wish to present a positive image to acquaintances and family. For example, if your children depend on you, you don't want to make them insecure by showing how you really feel.

Sometimes it's because we get more positive feedback from others when we come across as positive. If you meet someone who seems angry, sad, or even preoccupied, you don't feel as comfortable as you do when you meet someone who is pleasant and relaxed. So sometimes we fake it. And the thing is, when we fake it, eventually the bad feelings pass, and no harm has been done.

I think the worst thing that we can do is self-medicate with drugs or alcohol, because they may give temporary relief, but they are mostly depressants and leave the user with a 'hangover' that is deeper, more depressing, then the sufferer felt in the first place. And in addition, as a result of the self-medication, the sufferer has to deal with health, family, and even legal problems brought on by the very substances he/she turned to because he/she could not cope with daily life in the first place.

So it seems to me that as Dvd said, one day at a time, and try not to attempt too much at one time, but attempt the things at which you are most likely to succeed. This will give a good self-esteem boost. For example, instead of saying, "Today I will clean my house from top to bottom," say "Today I will clean the kitchen floor."

And a schedule is a good idea. Pencil in every day a time to give to the children, when you are totally theirs, phone off the hook, no television on, and don't let your depression rob them or you of this. They'll love you for it -- and you'll love yourself for it.

quote:

Originally posted by Georgia85:

Instead of extending all that negative energy into depression, griping, complaining, arguing, crying, etc....all of which won't accomplish a darn thing, I find that if I put forth energy into doing what I enjoy doing and seeing the positive in everything, that I am a much happier person.

That's nice Georgia, but there are people in the world who can not (as in not able) to do this.

Basically its like telling a blind man to open his eyes wider so as to see something - even though no matter how wide he opens his eyes he is stil blind.

I think Gold Girl is unable to find her way to turning the negative into positives - she is unable to get happy - know what I mean?

Certainly if she perceives herself as deficient in the ability to be happy, it will impede her prospects. But too often one sees oneself as reflected in the eyes of others. This can limit one's potential.

It's like the child who, because of a careless comment by a teacher overheard, decides he/she is a slow learner. The teacher is respected, so the child believes this, and never expects anything better of him/herself than the limiting view of others.

This view then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In time the child becomes a poor learner.

It is best to think of oneself as having the potential for intelligence and happiness. Better than to think of oneself as incapable of either.

GoldGirl: I think that you can benefit from looking at other forums here. For example, there is meat to be eaten in the religion forums (where also agnostics and atheists participate) and such other forums as Social Science in the science forums.

quote:

Originally posted by babthrower:
please know that we all -- every last one of us -- get weary, and sick of trying, tired of living and scared of dying...

Ain't that the truth!

And we all have different coping mechanisms and some choose to paint that smile on (like little drummer boy) and keep on marching (even if it is to a different drummer)

So you're familiar with the 12 step program, right? If so then it shouldn't be too complicated as you're making it. You admit that you have a problem, right? That your life has become unmanageable, right? Well, that's quite obvious, when you feel so depressed, right? Maybe it's time to look inside yourself, do an inventory. See where the problems starts, and then try to change it. Try not to cast blame on anyone, or anything, just fix it. If it's the meds or any other related drug than figure out whether you it's the right thing for you to be taking. If the answer is slapping you right in the face, then change it. As far going around depressed, its not good for anyone involved, and you need to grin and bare it. Life could be worse, and yes it probably will. So it's best to learn to cope, then wallow in pity. I only say this, because it sounds like you have no faith, I mean.....do you believe in God? If not, then you have to rely on your own inner feelings, and they may not be the right feelings to cope. Do you understand what I mean? There has to be a spiritual healing, someway, somehow.

I don't have anything to add to the already given suggestions. I just wanted to say that I've been following your posts and thinking about you. I don't know if you can "absorb" any of the positive energy that I'm attempting to send you or not, but I hope you realize that many people on this board are here for you.

Dwight

quote:

tsaeb... i don't understand your post.

Your in good company. I haven't understood tsaeb's posts for years.

juanruiz: I hear the music from "Twilight Zone."

It goes: "Dya, dya, dya, ya, dya, dya, dya, ya !"

quote:

Originally posted by juanruiz:

quote:

tsaeb... i don't understand your post.

Your in good company. I haven't understood tsaeb's posts for years.

quote:

juanruiz: I hear the music from "Twilight Zone."

It goes: "Dya, dya, dya, ya, dya, dya, dya, ya !

and not very helpful to GoldGirl either.

quote:

Originally posted by Dwight:
I don't have anything to add to the already given suggestions. I just wanted to say that I've been following your posts and thinking about you. I don't know if you can "absorb" any of the positive energy that I'm attempting to send you or not, but I hope you realize that many people on this board are here for you.

Dwight

Thanks so much Dwight... {{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}
GoldGirl

Wow.. Just read over my own post LOL. Amazing what 6 months can change? I do at least feel half human right now. Some things are coming together and I am at least treading water and not drowning!

Hope everyone out there is holding their own as well

Hugggggggssssssssssss

GoldGirl, I am so glad you are feeling better and glad you let us know...Posting that you are doing better can give hope to others who feel hopeless to let them know that sometimes it just takes time to get where you want to be...Keep feeling better!!!

Hi GoldGirl,

Its nice to see you again. I'm glad things are getting a little better for you. Just keep taking things one day at a time. It really does get better. I look forward to the day I see you give some great advice to someone in a similar situation. That is how the circle of love works. We are all people just trying to make it in the world. Just keep doing the best you can and everything will be ok.