I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I guess I just wanted to open up and get some sorrow off my chest.

Today is the 21st anniversary of my father's death. He was murdered and the crime was never solved.

Time has not healed my family's pain and this anniversary is always a dark spot in our lives.

I remember every detail of the last time I saw my dad and spoke with him. The first few years after his death were so hard! My mom and dad were married for 36 years and I was always so worried that my mom would commit suicide over her grief.

Our lives have been difficult and have changed drastically, but looking back now, we have survived and our family bond is closer than ever. For this, we are fortunate.

I honestly believe that every June 30th for as long as I live will be a day of sorrow. The pain is still deep and I doubt it will ever lessen.

The old cliche that "time heals all wounds" is completely untrue. Scar tissue may form, but sometimes the wound never heals.

Thanks for letting me share my grief.

Oceangirl, I absolutely agree. When my dad died on my 21st birthday, it was like someone stabbed me and it took me quite a few years to begin to even function somewhat well again. Our family also became closer, and my relationship with my mother became very close. The pain is as sharp at times, and I can still cry at the drop of a hat if I think about him too closely. As you said, a bit of scar tissue covers the wound but it will never truely heal. I spent about 3-4 years (subconsciously) trying to suicide or destroy my life doing dumb things because of the depth of my wounds.

So, you have support in me my friend, may we find peace together.

I share Sher's sentiments as well. My father died on June 27...32 years ago. But because I was so young I don't have the heavy grief that other's who are older have. In fact the day now comes and goes without me even thinking about it.

I cannot imagine what you are going through. Not only do you have the grief of your father's death but also the anger from the knowledge that someone is probably walking around who is responsible.

I wish there were words of wisdom I could offer you....but would you settle for a shoulder to cry on?

I can't imagine it either, OG. I'm so sorry for your families loss. How utterly horrible for it to be unsolved as well. That must make it even harder on this, a very black day, for you. I too, wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I can only offer my friendship and sisterhood as well.

I'll say a prayer for your family and hope that someday, this day will be easier for you.

Thank you ladies. Somehow, I knew you'd each be there to support me today.

Georgia, thanks so much again for brightening my day with your e-card flower bouquet! That was so thoughtful of you.

I've had a busy day today, so it's kept my mind more occupied than usual. It's funny though, I usually think about my dad while I'm driving alone? As a matter of fact, I do a lot of my serious thinking while I'm driving alone. I've actually driven right past my exits before.

Losing a loved one to violence is forever painful. I don't know how people who've had family members kidnapped and murdered, never to be found, can survive. You constantly think about what your loved one went through moments before their death. My dad's death still haunts me with weird dreams.

I do stew over the fact that someone is probably still walking the earth today, living with the knowledge of what happened to my father, yet my family will never know.

Sher, I know what you mean about living dangerously. I did this too, and I did it again after my husband left me. It's odd how we almost try to intentionally destroy ourselves when tragic things happen.

Anyway, thanks Puppy, Sher, and Georgia for your support and kindness. You're all good friends.

I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we will always be here for you. I think we all share a special bond here.

It is very natural to think of your dad when you are alone and driving. I do some of my best thinking then. Just be carefull cuz we would hate for anything to happen to you.

And I know this is of little comfort but I can be certain that the God I love was with your father and comforting him all the way. He also never forgets...and he will certainly punish the guilty party in ways no human on earth ever could. Take that knowledge with you and hold strong to it.

We all love ya-

Im sorry for what happend Oceangurl. I just now read this. What an awful thing to go through. My prayers are with you and your family during this time. I can not even think about how awful it must be to go thru something like this. My email address is listed if you ever need to talk. God Bless you and your family.

Thanks to each of you again. I appreciate each of you and feel lucky to have you as friends.

Oceangurl I'm sorry to hear you are feeling bad today. My Mom past away from cancer sixteen years ago on August 19th I used to hate when that day came, but now I spend it celebrating her life rather than her death I cry and laugh when I remember her and it feel's good and most of all I talk to her I tell her how much I miss her and how much she is still loved. My heart goes out to you Oceangurl. Beth

Death is never easy, my dear, and the wounds never truly heal. They may fade and they may hurt less with time, but they will always be there. We must each learn how to deal with our losses, how to cope and find closure and move on.
Sometimes writing is the answer. Writing is cheap therapy. Sometimes talking helps. Sometimes throwing yourself into a skill or sport or craft. But whatever you do, do not ignore the wounds. Acknowledge them. Ignore them and they will only fester and rot and be worse than ever, in time.
I know how you feel, OG. My cousin died a few years back and though we know that the brain tumor killed him, there are still a lot of "whys" that will never be answered.
May I share with you a poem that I think expresses how you feel, how I have felt? Sonnet. Death and loss are so hard, but do not ignore the pain. You have every right to grieve about your loss. Just do not let your loss consume you. Remember, you are still alive.