Today I am two weeks post some kind of major panic attack in which I was taken to the hospital via ambulance thinking I was having a stroke or something. After a battery of tests the doctor diagnosed a panice attack. The only physical problem at the time was elevated blood pressure, apparently stemming from the attack. After seeing my doctor the next day he agreed with the diagnosis and put me on Ativan (tranquilizer)to combat the residual after effects such as the anxiety attacks over the fear of having another panic attack. I mean this is all new to me, the Ativan is helping, I know that because one day I thought I felt fine and didn't want to take them anymore and I had a anxiety attack while getting ready for work. I mean this makes no sense to me, they come out of no where for apparently no reason, one minute I feel fine and then the symptoms start. I mean nothing is really going on in my life that hasn't always been going on. I think my biggest problem right now is that I hate my job that I've been at over 8 yrs., but can't bring myself to leave because my boss is extremely dependent on me, but hey, lots of people don't like their jobs, is this worthy of a trip to the hospital and all these residual attacks I'm having now. I worry that there is something else wrong and the doctors are just calling it a panic attack and these residual anxiety attacks aren't much fun either.

I'm sorry this has been such a wordy post, but I was hoping there was someone out there that this might sound familiar to, at times I think I'm going nuts and friends and family of course can't possibly understand if I don't. Actually there have been few people that I have actually told about this because I'm kind of embarrassed. I have a lot less stress in my life than a lot of people I know, so what in the world is going on?

Hi Blue Ice;

Anxiety is a form of depression. And like depression it can be caused by a few factors:

It can be caused by psychological stressors (Stress/Pressure). It can be caused by a Chemical imbalance in the brain or it can be caused by physiological issues (physical illness/physical injury).

From your brief post (trust me yours is very brief) I can conclude that you are suffering from Stressors, which is to say that your anxiety attacks are based in emotional/mental health.

Anxiety and anxiety attacks are no laughing matter, both can, over a period of time, lead to physiological issues – i.e. stress can bring about stroke and heart attacks. So there is something to worry about and your concerns over something else from this are valid – to a point. You are “doing something” to curtail attacks by using medication to remain calm. Short term this is beneficial and provides you with a chance to analyze your place in life and make chances which would reduce stress in your life.

It really doesn’t matter if one thing causes you anxiety attacks (such as the job thing) or if you require ten-zillion things going on to cause the attacks. Stress is stress – no matter how much or how often or how big it appears to be. You’re attempting to measure your amount of stress against others to validate your anxiety attacks. Also you are attempting to read what is going on inside of people and make a general assessment which in reality may be further from the truth than you think. Just because it appears that Sue has more stress in her life than you does not mean this is so – it only means that you are able to see Sue’s life better than your own.

After all during the past 8 years at your job much has happened in the world – though you may not directly relate to these things in your life as being, they are there.

EXAMPLE: All of us have been impacted by the events of 9-11. Just because we were able to move on and “get over it” doesn’t mean that we do not have those memories and our fair share of concern over another possible attack. We may believe we have dealt with the issues, but in truth many people around the world have not dealt with it, they have sublimated it.

Humans have a terrible habit of burying issues instead of dealing with them and working through them. Small minor everyday causes of stress add up. We build up resentments on these small tings and we tend to weigh the world and or present experiences against things which have happened in the past

On the surface of things it may appear that your Job is your only stress causing source in your life because it is a major source of stress. In reality you may very well have many minor stress sources in your life but those, being so small, are not easily seen as a point of stress. And further I would like to point out that one stress causing source in our lives tends to make the rest of our lives more stressful. EXAMPLE: the things that happen at work; the worry over work related issues will come home and cause friction in your personal life.

You’re using medication to deal with the symptoms of stress (Anxiety and panic attacks). This is a great short term solution however you really need to deal with the issues and find a long term cure for your stress.

In my opinion when somebody says they hate their job and then goes on to discredit that feeling by saying “but many dislike their job” is not a good thing. It demonstrates to me that either the person does not understand the differences between dislike and hate AND/OR that person is unable to see their feelings as being valid and worthy of action. The first is a common misunderstanding of two words. The latter is a dangerous game we play with ourselves which always leads to more harm in our lives.

Granted your boss is dependant on you that is his/her fault not yours. Obviously you are competent; know your job better than your employer and you are an asset to your company. That does not mean that he/she has the right to take over your life and make you remain in a position which is causing you harm. You would not allow your boss to hit you over the head repeatedly with a 2 x 4, then why are you allowing him/her to beat you to death with your job?

Before you say this is not the same thing, I wish to point out that harm is harm – whether it is physical violent harm or mental anguish.

David ~

Thank you for the time and thought you put into that response.

You seem to know a lot about this, more so than myself. I went to the book store and bought several books on the issue but thought, how can I just forget about this, put it behind me and just go about my business if I've got my face in these books all the time, so I put them away. I just kind of thought if I kept this in the forfront of my mind, that could bring on an attack in and of itself. Who knows what brings them on, the other night I was just standing at the stove, feeling fine, when all of a sudden... It's the most frustrating thing in the world, it's as though you can no longer trust your body anymore.

You brought up a good point, "whether or not I feel that my feelings are worthy of action". Well yes they are, but it's a difficult place to be when you know that doing something potentially good for yourself will put someone else in dire straights and being afraid that if you do leave your job, what if the anxiety attacks continue, then what, you've put someone in a real mess and nothing has changed. I mean if someone could tell me with any amount of certainty that all I had to do was change jobs and these attacks would never come back I think I would probably leave tread marks, ya know?

A final question: Isn't there any possibility that these attacks will just go away on their own given time. I was hoping that the more time I can put between myself and that first horrible panic attack the better, that the anxiety of having another one would simply diminish with time and I could just go back to a normal life, because I don't consider living on tranquilizers being normal, although I am very thankful for them. I mean my doctor gave me the impression that the milder attacks I'm having (anxiety attacks) now are a residual effect, caused by the concern of having another major panic attack, so I guess there is a difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack, maybe the only difference is the severity, is that right?

Thank you again for your kind and thoughtful response, it's nice to be able to talk to someone about this who has some knowledge besides my doctor. Maybe I'm just being impatient, it's only been two weeks, but I'm determined not to let this turn my life up side down. I'm also trying to be very mindfull of how lucky I am that after what I experienced that sent me to the hospital wasn't something much more serious, I have much to be thankful for and try to always count my blessings before deciding to throw a pitty party which I can do better than anyone given the opportunity

Some people will have one panic attack and never have another. Some people will having one, be more prone or more susceptible to more panic attacks. It depends on the person and the causatives behind the attack. It also depends on if the person works on the causes behind the panic attack. Most people who have a panic attack usually end up having another panic attack later on in life – usually spaced out. This is due to the personality of the person and how they can handle stress. I am honestly lousy at handling stress thus I know that someday I will most likely have another panic attack. I don’t think about that, I just live my life with the understanding that it is possible that another attack will come. I also have PTS complete with flash backs – those are nasty, I have seasonal depression (my yearly melancholy). Each of these I “live through” and survive by following a series of “commandments” which help to keep me sane. More on that at the end of this post.

Panic attack anxiety attack – they are interchangeable – I can pretty much assume that my own anxiety attacks would be considered by many to be full scale red alert panic attacks Maybe having a scale to work with makes you feel better? Then by all means set words to that scale. Define the beast that bothers you then can you confront it and deal with it.

Yes we focused on the job here because you focused on the job. Your job appears to be the main thing on your brain – since I do not know what else is on your plate I point out that removing that stress may be to your best interests. But you know you, you know if it will be more stressful to quit or to stick with it. Maybe its time to take that vacation (a week off to set your life in order)? Can you do that just take a week off and do something other than work? I don’t mean that you can’t because you feel the office will fall in and the world will end – but you can’t as in your boss says no or you don’t have paid vacation time.

However let me say again, that there may be far much more going on than you are aware of. Panic attacks can be triggered from one event – OR they can be triggered by a succession of stressful events – in example: a spouse dies, then you find out that the bank will foreclose, so you deal with trying to get the money, but to no avail, then you have to move, then you find that the place you move to is in need of massive repair, etc. The accumulated stress finally reaches the breaking point and you find that painting one of those rooms triggers a major panic attack. Do we blame the painting or do we look at everything else that lead up to painting?

The relationship between the present stresses in life to past stressors can be blurred and even well hidden in a person. Though we may have thought we got over the loss of a loved one, a major change such as a divorce or even a big move (as examples) the feelings we have still lay in the back of our brains and work on every event taking place right now. Everything that we experience in life lives on to impact every experience there after.

Again I do not know your life, I do not know what went on before – Thus the job is the thing that is in question.

I also note another stress that has developed – the fear of another attack. Now if you do have a panic attack you have two stressors in your life – the job and the fear of another attack. Do you see how the impact of one event can trigger new stress in our lives?

“what if the anxiety attacks continue, then what, you've put someone in a real mess and nothing has changed.”

And what if the sun explodes and takes out the inner planets tomorrow? And what if Pigs flew (imagine that mess to clean off your car!) – What if is great isn’t it? Seriously lets look at that question to put forth – is this a serious concern of yours or is it just a “reason” to not change things? Is this type of concern more likely to be more stressful for you in the long run?

But you are entertaining a possibility that there is something else taking place to cause your stress which leads to a panic attack. Interesting, in your first post you concluded that the only thing to cause you issues is your job. No the possibility rises that something else may be the cause.

As a tool of finding out what is going on What If is handy. This is a valid question because it is something that concerns you and it would be one of those that you need to put in the balance against everything. It also opens the door to looking at other causes. It actually gives me a better idea of what is going on inside of you when it comes to your job. I see clearly that you have a lot of emotional investment in your job, you may be concerned (worried) more than you should be about the job and the circumstances of your boss.

Personally I see nothing wrong with that – I am one of those kinds of people too, I invest a lot of myself in people – sometimes to my own detriment – however I am aware that I do this thus when problem arise I can work with it and reduce those issues which used to be a burden to me.

Commandments – or living through this thing:

If you can just forget about this and move on great – but obviously you can’t or you wouldn’t have posted here and you wouldn’t have bought books to be more informed of what is going on – and your questions reflect that you are not going to just forget what happened like it didn’t happen. I think that you bought those books for a very good reason – because you are trying to understand these attacks.

Panic/Anxiety attacks do include fear. Fear is usually (of) an unknown – we tend to not fear a thing once we know it – thus by studying a thing we get understanding thus removing that fear. So it may pay off for you to study those books just so you can get a handle on it all

Try this: When you start thinking of the panic attacks and you are looking at the future of being a series of panic attacks, try to recite either out loud or to your self these words:

[/i]“Just for today: I will try to live through this day only,
and not tackle all my problems at once.
I can do something for twelve hours that
would appall me if I felt that I had to
keep it up for a lifetime.”[/i]

This is part of the “One day at a time” prayer/poem the full version can be found here: http://www.sygnetswans.com/alanon.html
It is part of the 12 step programs; you don’t have to be a member to see the wisdom in dealing with things just one day at a time.

http://www.planetpsych.com/zPsychology_101/panic.htm has a good list of “To Do” when it comes to attacks. Being able to do something (anything) itself helps to get a handle on the situation so you can “deal with it” – if you know what I mean. Add that to memorizing and repeating the Just for Today thing and maybe even the Serenity Prayer: http://recovery.hiwaay.net/jtr/serenity.html

I do not by any means have all the answers for you. I can relate, I understand what an attack is like – I have enough emotional baggage to sink a ship should I ever decide to take a cruise. Maybe just knowing that somebody else out there has been there, done that and survived to talk about it will help you out.

You may have read me elsewhere in this site; you will find that I have a sense of humor (or try to keep one). This trait is not just an internet face – it is a very real part of my coping mechanisms in life. I make light of things and try not to take things too seriously because I am prone to focus way too much time on a thing and concentrate on it until it becomes my monster under the bed.

I would strongly urge you to keep a private journal of your day to day feelings – it’s a good place to write down all of those concerns you have of another attack. No one has to read it, you don’t even have to read it again – it is only a tool which allows you to define that which bothers you so you can understand it.

David ~

Where ever to you find the time for these insightful and detailed responses, not just for me, I have been reading you since back at Jeeves, you're always so thourough on many issues. I admire your intellect and your general interest in trying to pass on as much information as you can in order to help others, thank you.

I'm sorry to hear that you suffer from your own issues, life is difficult enough without having misc. emotional/physical issues thrown into the mix, but it sure keeps you on your toes.

I've been telling myself this past week that I wasn't going to let this get to me, change me, interfere with my life, but yesterday I added another symptom to the fun I've already been having. I believe I experienced some kind of a hallucination while entering the foyer of the grocery store, the floor felt as though it was on an incline, like for a brief moment I was walking up hill. When I got into the store I looked down at the floor and told myself that that was ridiculous and continued to walk, the floor felt fine but the further into the store I got the worse all of the other symptoms became, thus sending me back to the car. It was about time for another tranquilizer anyway, so I took one and sat in my car until I thought I was ok to drive. I pulled out of the parking lot and realized this wasn't going well and pulled over, called my husband and we talked on the phone for several minutes until I thought that I could safely get home. I knew something was coming on when I got out of my car at the store but was just trying desperately to ignore it and go about my business, it seems as though this is much stronger than I am at times, that's very frustrating. I need to get back in my books and find out if this is a common symptom or what, I may even call my doctor and let him know what happened.

It sounds as though I need to do some emotional house cleaning, eventually I should run across the exact problem, although I'm sure the job thing is what has started this all in motion. The holidays were very stressfull at work and post holiday stress fell on top of that, my boss is the neediest person I have ever met and she's managed to get her claws into not just me but another woman I work with as well, we both suffer from the "Poor Barbara Syndrome" apparently she handles it differently than I do.

I guess the real challange will be turning words, thoughts and feelings into action and I'm the only one who can do that, tranquilizers can't do that and either can my doctor. I just don't want to make a mistake and jump and do something without thouroughly thinking it through. I have much to think about and pray about, direction mostly.

Thank you again for all your insight and the time that you've taken to share all of it with me.

I wish you much luck in all that you're dealing with, although I really must say that you sound like someone who's really got it together in the way you approach your circumstances. GOOD FOR YOU! I fear I lack a sence of humor about all of this I'm afraid.

Mary

“Where ever to you find the time for these insightful and detailed responses”

Since I gave up bars, pool rooms and other places of like nature I have found that I have more time to do other things. I rarely watch TV, and we do not have a social life since my partner doesn’t get home until late at night, after leaving early – he commutes 103 miles to work and 103 miles back to home. Thus I have plenty of “me time” to kill.

“I'm sorry to hear that you suffer from your own issues, life is difficult enough without having misc. emotional/physical issues thrown into the mix, but it sure keeps you on your toes.”

Don’t be sorry, I’m not – I know and understand that those issues I do have do make me a better person – I can empathize with more people because I understand in intimate terms what being human is like. Yes life can be harsh – however how we accept these things in our lives and how we take it in stride and continue with life very nearly always makes us better as a person. How we use what we got is more important than what we have. That is to say we may not be able to pick and choose what baggage we haul with us, but we are able to pick and choose how we use that baggage in our journey through life.

” Yesterday…”

With a new symptom you should tell the Doctor. Be forthright and tell all to your doctor – the most minor of symptom can change a diagnosis which leads to a better treatment. What I wonder is if your panic attacks are not going to get more complex possibly leading to Agoraphobia (fear of being in public) due to you not wanting to have a public display of emotions (panic attack). This is a concern one that you should discuss with doctor. These two issues can feed off each other, panic leading to fear of going out, going out leading to panic – nip it in the bud before it becomes and issue.

However lets look at the way it came about, you knew before the full onslaught what was happening, you felt it coming on and you were able to make a choice on how you were going to deal with it. Knowing that you are on the threshold of a panic attack means that you know what is coming next and you can set your mind toward lessening the full impact by going back and sitting in the car (as example) by being aware what is happening which you now know will not last forever and you know you can survive through it. Unlike that first attack where you didn’t know what was going on, thus were able to imagine heart attack, stroke - what ever. Any attacks are lessoned in their severity since you have been through it and know what it is.

Commend you on your resolve to suffer through it and go through your routine. I also commend you for knowing when it was time to go back to the car.

This is the “up side” to this thing – now you have more understanding thus have more of a handle on the situation and are able to take steps at minimizing the damage. You now know when to go sit down and let it play its course. That is a strike in your favor.

” It sounds as though I need to do some emotional house cleaning, eventually I should run across the exact problem, although I'm sure the job thing is what has started this all in motion.

Yes I agree.

Here is some more of my suggestions:

First call your doctor and set up another appointment. Explain to him/her what is new (new symptoms, possible new triggers). If you have concerns over what you are taking in the way of a prescription, then that would be a good time to bring it up and ask your doctor what your alternatives are here.

Second. Since you are having more episodes I strongly urge you to get a journal together. With each episode enter it in the diary. Include the time, the date, the location what you were doing at the time of onset – and precursors (i.e. I felt a bit of tension in my stomach and just “knew” where it was going.) And the duration and severity of the attack.

The diary will do three things: It will provide you with a baseline of events which may reveal triggers and causes – knowing those triggers will go a long way at giving you the power to stem another attack and also will reveal the deeper causes so you can work on those. It will provide you with something to reference when you visit doctor. It will provide you with a sense of “doing something toward a solution” which I firmly believe will take the punch out of these attacks.

Third: If you feel you need to talk to someone, a professional – tell your doctor. Tell your doctor that you feel that a therapist will help you to deal with all of this and he/she should have no problem giving you a referral or two. You do not have to talk to anyone – but if you do feel a need then do so.

Yes I agree you and only you can take those actions you need the most, however doctors and medications are helpful tools to make those actions possible.

Trust me, though it appears I have my act together I feel that I do not and I tremble in my boots over the smallest of things. Most people do have their issues and hide them well. I suspect that you are doing the same thing and are unaware that you are doing a great job of looking good under pressure.

David ~

I hope you don't mind me continuing to write.

Well the call has been placed and I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor. I had to keep an attack at bay during lunch with friend, but I got through it, they wear on me though, it seems as though each attack drains me of energy and makes me feel like a very small weak person for letting something like this interfere with my life. I just want to say, "no, we're not doing this, go away, I've had enough", but sometimes it seems so much stronger than I am and that makes me angry.

You sound as though you certainly don't want any sympathy for your situation, I didn't mean to sound as though I pittied you, I just feel bad when people have more than their fair share on their plate. You've got a great attitude and I commend you for that.

A lot of "Me time"? Do you work? Do you do all of this writing at home or from your job? Where does your PTS stem from? Are you a war verteran? Do you take medication? If so, how well does it help? Sorry, these might be too personal, I'll understand if you don't answer.

Seems as though you and your companion don't have much time together. Do you have hobbies that keep you busy? I mean besides taking care of all of us

Well I may be prying at this point so I'll close. I'll check those sites you mentioned in your previous post and the idea of keeping a journal might not be such a bad idea, on the surface I'll feel a little silly about it, but..

Well it will be interesting to see what the doctor has to say.

Hope you are having a good day, and thanks again.

Mary

” I hope you don't mind me continuing to write.

No I don’t mind at all – I think it may help so write away.

Well the call has been placed and I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor. I had to keep an attack at bay during lunch with friend, but I got through it, they wear on me though, it seems as though each attack drains me of energy and makes me feel like a very small weak person for letting something like this interfere with my life. I just want to say, "no, we're not doing this, go away, I've had enough", but sometimes it seems so much stronger than I am and that makes me angry.

Good for the call. As for the feelings attending each attack these are natural and understandable. I would be very concerned if you enjoyed these attacks or if you were indifferent to them. In fact between these two being indifferent is the worst.

You sound as though you certainly don't want any sympathy for your situation, I didn't mean to sound as though I pittied you, I just feel bad when people have more than their fair share on their plate. You've got a great attitude and I commend you for that.

I live by the serenity prayer. I accept the things I can not change and I change the things I can. I have the wisdom two know the difference between the two. The things I change are those things inside of my, I can regulate and decide how I will let things in life affect me – I play a major part in my feelings and emotions – no body and no thing can make me feel any way I do not want to feel – these are things I can change.

Health issues are things I can not change, thus I have learned to accept them – not all of the time – mostly. I did not come to this overnight; I came to it through years of practice. It requires no sympathy, no pity it just is a part of life, que sara sara.

A lot of "Me time"? Do you work? Do you do all of this writing at home or from your job? Where does your PTS stem from? Are you a war verteran? Do you take medication? If so, how well does it help? Sorry, these might be too personal, I'll understand if you don't answer.

Yes I work. My work is that of a “handyman” I do odd jobs, usually manual labor. I am self employed have a little business thing going on. In the cold months I work less since most of my jobs are out doors. I do all of this writing at home which is where my office is so I could say I also do all of this at my job.

My PTS comes from my childhood. I was subject to all forms of abuse, yes including sexual abuse by my father. It wasn’t through persuasion it was violent, hold the boy down and hurt him kid of thing. I sublimated most of that, for a good part of my life there was a big gapping holes in my memories between ages 9 and 12. Though I would have fuzzy night terror-mares surrounding that, I was in a state of denial over what had happened.

Coupled with the sexual abuse there was a good deal of mental and physical abuse. For instance for my 10 birthday I got 11 stitches, for my 8th Christmas I got an arm cast… Unfortunately I was a very clumsy child, always falling down stairs, running into things, bad. And yes for some time I believed that was true.

I also have Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD) or winter depression. For along time I was diagnosed as manic/depressive because my doctors assumed that my natural energetic self was hyper and that my seasons of low light were depressed.
My “anxiety attacks” were misdiagnosed as well it was assumed that these were isolated spells. To complicate matters I self medicated for years, from age 22 to age 29 I spent a great deal of time drinking (at first) then I found my “drug of choice” coke, then speed. Both coke and speed are “uppers” meaning they keep you going. Once I found a substance that would keep me awake and “up” all the time my drinking dropped to social occasional beers.

I hate to sleep – not because sleeping itself is bad but the night horses stampeding nearly nightly was not a good thing. I had sublimated my childhood life and my brain was attempting to tell me – Imagine a panic attack in your sleep and waking up with those dreadful feelings in the middle of the night. Unfortunately the dreams were never that clear as to content, just full of terror and helplessness and a sense of dread upon going to bed. Mind my father would do his thing at night, after the wife went to bed he would “sneak” into my room when I was already asleep and grab me. So my dread of the bed(room) was connected with those unrecalled memories – distinct terror but no understanding of why. When I drank I drank to forget or so I would be passed out not sleeping. When I discovered the world of stay awake “happy go-go” drugs I found that I could bypass the messy sleep thing altogether until I crashed then It would be akin to passing out.

For most of that time (until the last year) I was a functioning addict. That means I would do a line in the morning like most people drink a cup of coffee, go to work, maintain my job and an income, then on the weekend go “crazy” party like there was no tomorrow, then on Monday go in to work (usually without having slept) and carry on.

However all of that drinking and drug use was not solving the issues, in fact in the last year I started having flash backs in full color of the things that had happened and my mind kind of broke open and my memories flooded back. In order to deal with that I went from functioning addict to full fledge druggie – I started slamming speed started missing work and then formed the “perfect solution” which was to party until I dropped – dead.

It wasn’t until I “woke-up” and saw what I became that things started changing in my life and I went from hopeless to hopeful. It is also when I started to seek out professional help for my life.

One of the side issues I have is epilepsy – due to scar tissue on the brain coupled with my drug days and stress and God only knows what else I went from an undiagnosed partial complex petit-seizure to full out down on the ground tonic colonic grand mal form of seizure. Due in part to my stopping taking drugs I triggered this condition.

Part of the drug therapy for that are Tegretol and Depakote – both are also used in the treatment of other mental issues like anxiety and depression. I stopped taking Depakote 3-4 years ago, and lately I have been weaning on the Tegretol since I haven’t had a grand mal in a few years. My goal this year is to be medication free.

Now I haven’t used in almost 10 years, June 22 I will celebrate 10 years being clean. I did seek out treatment for my depression, panic attacks, night terrors and all of those issues through therapy, group counseling, 12 step programs. I also place a great deal of Faith in a God who is working in my life.

I tried any number of medications, all of which I had a fear of developing a dependency for (as a new clean and sober person I have a great desire to be totally drug free), all of which came with side effects which I did not like. All of which also caused changes in the way I felt. In the end I would say that the most beneficial part of recovery over all of my issues is therapy. My therapists have handed me tools which has helped me not only to make it through the dark periods but to work toward acceptance and forgiveness and even forgetfulness of my childhood.

Seems as though you and your companion don't have much time together. Do you have hobbies that keep you busy? I mean besides taking care of all of us

I garden, I live on two acres of land – that provides me with enough space to tend and garden. I am a carpenter by trade – I love to work with wood. In fact when I am building something having a creative moment, if you will, I am at the happiest in my life.

My job is doing things I like to do, solving problems, building, gardening etc. So my job is in reality a hobby. Granted I do not make millions doing it but I am happy with it.

I also volunteer a lot at local places, “soup kitchen” homeless shelter, etc. In past I have donated a lot of time to other charitable things. In fact through the past 10 years I think the best therapy I have had was giving of myself to others – sounds selfish I know, not really a pure reason to be charitable, however I believe that through helping others I have gone a long way at helping myself – If I am busy solving problems in the world I tend to spend less time worrying about my own petty problems. And to be honest it is a bit easier to accept one’s own plight if they have a clear example of what is worse.

I also like to learn new things – so with the advent of the Computer and Net in the house I have taken to spending the evenings on the web looking up strange new sites and exploring the world – some interesting things out there, one of my all times favorites is this site: http://www.bibleufo.com/index.htm It gives one food for thought not that I take it too seriously but it does raise interesting questions which do require some serious thought on.

No, no prying. I think I have told my story more than just a few times through the years. Each retelling is a cleansing ritual for me and I hope that others take the positive and carry it into their lives.

O.k., now I'm ashamed that I'm whining about my situation!!

You are certainly a walking testimony of ones will to survive and after hearing all of that I'm very happy with all of your history you have come to a more peacefull place in your life. I wish you much continued happiness.

Well the doctor gave me some PaxilCR to try, I've tried Lexapro and hated it. He's wanting me off the tranquililzers, so he probably won't refill that after the next week and a half, I hope the Paxcil kicks in by then. My boss is trying to push me towards spiritual counseling, I don't think so right now. I'm afraid the bigger deal I make of this the bigger it will get. If the meds. work that's good enough for me.

Well I'm off to work.

Thank you for sharing your story with me, I know what you mean by sharing is a type of cleansing, I'm sure your story and your battle could or has been a great inspiration to others.

Have a good day, Mary

Paxil is a great med, there appears to be no end to the masses who swear by it. Thus I have high hopes this will work for you and it far much better than a tranq.


Don't be ashamed of your situation. There is no shame in it - Trust me it doesn't require that much to break the spirit, heart and mind of a human being. And the road to wellness for me has been a very long, bumpy road. And I am not all the way there - in fact I was warned that my issues will no doubt be with me until the day I die. Something to comfort me in my old age

We humans are such delicate creatures, we are not meant for the herky jerky world we have created. Just living in today's world is stress enough, adding anything to that is likley to end up causing harsh consequences.

For you it is expressed in panic attacks, for others it is expressed in stroke, heart attack, and other diseases.

I hope you can take the paxil, I tried it but it started giving me chest pains. Just keep an eye on your body, it will tell you if it can handle it.

David, I notice you have similar conditions as I do. I have a question about the night terrors. With me, I have tried several different meds:

Clonapin (This one was ordered along with Celexa, but it still didn't control the night terrors completely, noticed I still woke up screaming)
Celexa (This one was horrible to get off of, I had to wean off of this for over 8 weeks, and it was pure hell)
Trazodone (I was given this after the I quit the clonapin and celexa, by the sleeping disorder doctor. It eventually made the dreams more vivid, so I had to quit it.)
Elivil (OMG, I had hallucinations with this one, felt like a three day drunk, so this one didn't work either)
Ativan (This is what I'm on now, just a .5 mg. once before bed. If I miss a dosage, I automatically go thru withdrawal fast. I just wish I could find something that wasn't addictive.)

My question is this, you know my history sort of.... I've been clean and sober for over 8 yrs., so any drugs I take are carefully monitored due to the addiction that can occur. The problem I see is if I keep on taking the med I'm on, will it eventually make me immune to it? Then will I have to go to a stronger dosage? The reason I started taking the meds is due to the night terros getting so severe, I woke up in flight, falling down my bedroom steps and landing at the bottom, in pain. I know I cannot sleep without taking some sort of sleeping aid, so I've found that the ativan works, but boy if I forget to take a dosage, the nightmares are right back, in raging force.

So what to do? I used to have panick attacks at first, just like BlueIce has talked about. I tried, antidepressants, but it just seemed to not work after awhile. I think that maybe her boss may have hit on something, the spiritual counseling. If I could find some inner peace, within myself, then just maybe this cruel, harsh world, wouldn't bother me as much, you think?

Soaring Horse,

Different people react differently to different drugs. Personally I build up tolerances swiftly. This was a problem in my drug days which lead to me having a more and more expensive habit At the end of my speed period I was able to slam a gram and stay on my feet – that is 4 times the usual dosage and most folk who do a full gram end up on the floor quaking and shaking for a few hours. It also was an issue with my drinking since I got to the point where though my blood alcohol level was dangerously high I wouldn’t pass out or even feel drunk.

When it comes to prescription medications my speedy adaptation to most medications ends up having me cycling through series of similar drugs that are chemically different.

Example: For my anxiety and sleeping disorders I would cycle through the following list, switching every 2 to 3 months from one to the other:

Lorazepam (Ativan), diazepam (valium), chlordiazepoxide (Librium) then back again to Ativan. Also during each course my dosage would at least double from the initial dose at the beginning of a cycle to the last before moving on to the next drug.

Between my doctor and me we worked out a system that worked.

Now I know a person who has been on diazepam (valium) for 3-4 years, taking it nightly at a low dose and she is still knocked for a loop each night. But she is also the type that one beer and she is drunk. She obviously has a low threshold for medication/alcohol and she doesn’t appear to build up a tolerance.

I think that this represents the extremes and that on average a person will, over time, develop a tolerance to a specific drug requiring either a higher dose or a switch to a similar drug which has a different chemical signature.

This is not true of all drugs for all people. I also have taken Tegretol for years now, granted we had to push my dosages to over the recommended maximum dosage (require hella blood tests ) however once I found the dose that worked for me I was able to maintain the dosage and not require more. Paxil, Zoloft and other modern anti-depressants (which can affect several things) require that you build up to a working level then patiently wait for the side effects to go away just like Tegretol which BTW though prescribed to me for seizure control is also used as an antidepressant for others. The 9 month journey through hell to reach my level of Tegretol was an ordeal I never, ever want to go through again. Each time I started becoming adjusted to the side effects my doctor raised the dose.

Elivil is one of those that you adjust to, that drunkenness will go away in time.

But then you are being prescribed through a sleep disorder doctor, I wonder if a psychiatrist (A psychologist with the ability to prescribe medications) mayn’t be better for you and have a wider selection of drug therapies to offer. Granted the two fields are similar, but today with specialized compartmentalized medicine maybe the sleep doctor is to fixated on the sleep angle and not the deeper causes of your night terrors.

Yes I agree counseling (spiritual or otherwise) is the best method of treating the issues. Medication only treats the symptoms and are not a good long term solution to the problem(s)

Soaring Horse

I can only relate to what you said about the Ativan, within 6 to 7 hours after a .5 dosage I will usually have a mild attack, thus letting me know it's time for another, my doctor has put me on two a day and is keeping me on it until the Paxil kicks in, so at present I'm taking both. Do you or David know how long Paxil takes before it works? I've only been on it for 5 days and as best that I can tell it's not doing anything yet. I hope my doctor doesn't take me off the Ativan before he is sure the Paxil has had time to work. I wish he hadn't felt it necessary to put me on Paxil, I think in time with the tranquilizers I could have gotten past this myself, but for now I'm following doctors orders. My next concern is what is going to happen when I stop taking Paxil, will this create another crisis?!

I'm so sorry about the trouble both of you have had, especially with the meds, it must all be very frustrating.

You certainly ran across the right person, David has a wealth of experience and knowledge about this issue and is gracious enough to share it. At the very least he has given me reason to pause and get a better perspective on my situation.

Good luck to you.

Hi BlueIce,
I'm not sure how long it's going to take, but from what I seen on this site....

Healthyplace.com

It looks like it will take 4 to 6 weeks, just be certain to take your regular scheduled dosages of ativan like the doctor ordered, because of the side effects of missing a dose. The withdrawal is pretty quick, and feels like you're just hungover, or like a washed out limp washrag. So make sure you consult the physician before stopping it.
I couldn't take the paxil for some reason, it just felt like a very heavy chest pain, which scared me, and that was only after the third day.
I do want to say that the panic attacks seem to be gone, it may be in certain age groups, like from age 20 to 30. I am over 40 now, and they haven't come back for a long time, over 10 years. (These stupid nite terrors are totally a different disorder.)
So there is hope, the most important thing to try and do is just stay away from the negativity in your life, be it people, things, or places. I can't stand to be around some people who constantly complain and talk about the past, and how bad life is for them, it just brings me down, you know? We all have hardships and life, and we never know what's in the future, but the real lesson is how we deal with them, do we sit in our own sorrow, or do we think about how we could change it? I know what you mean about your job, because I'm exactly in the same position as you right now. And this one's kind of hard, because I know you feel the same way I do, it may very well be the same if you go into a new job. Because, hey, let's face it, there's always going to be some problem elsewhere, just a different version, right? The only thing I can advise is do not hold your feelings in, that is the most stressful thing you can do to your body, and if you feel you're going to have an attack, maybe take a walk, get your adrenaline to calm down. You need to find something that will relax you and get your mind off of things.
And yes, David is awesome in his posts. I am so glad that he's here at the pool, and enjoy reading his posts. Yes, David, you are DA MAN!
Like he said it may be just the right combination of meds. and also the dosage may have to be monitored, so my advice to you is do not hesitate to call your doctor if you feel that it's not working for you, because every person is different, and what might work for one may not for another.

PS: David, I love the link to the "Just For Today" prayers, Thank you so much, I needed that!

quote:

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Originally posted by soaringhorse:
Hi BlueIce,
I'm not sure how long it's going to take, but from what I seen on this site....

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Anxiety/panic_disorder_2.asp

It looks like it will take 4 to 6 weeks, just be certain to take your regular scheduled dosages of ativan like the doctor ordered, because of the side effects of missing a dose. The withdrawal is pretty quick, and feels like you're just hungover, or like a washed out limp washrag. So make sure you consult the physician before stopping it.
I couldn't take the paxil for some reason, it just felt like a very heavy chest pain, which scared me, and that was only after the third day.

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Hold up a second! Atavan and Paxil are two comlpletely different types of drugs intended for differing results.

Here is the truth about panic/anxiety attacks. Atavan is too long acting. In the same drug family are Xanax and Klonipin. Both are short acting drugs, but better control with this type of problem.

I would never suggest, to anyone, to use a SSRI antidepressant, unless as a last ditch effort. These drugs are passed out like candy, without thought. They are addictive, no matter what you doc says. So are Benzos, like Atavan, Xanax, and many other. It isn't so bad getting off of them. Try getting off the SSRI antidepressants. It is a week of insanity.

I don't deny that you may need drug treatment, for painic/anxiety attacks. We all