Hi My name is vicky I'm new to this site. I really need help I really need to know whats wrong with me. All my life I have had a very nasty temper,and I s.h to some degree like biting myself and picking scabs and scratching my skin till it bled these are some of the things I used to do up until aged 9. I loved the power and control. That was some years ago, I'm now 17 and from the age 13 things got much worse.Pumice stones turned into razor blades,which turned into scissors,which turned into a knife which turned into a stanley knife. My brother died when I was 10 along with 3 other relatives and 2 since then,but I do not remeber that I do not believe that this is the cause of my problems. My father drinks occasionaly and home life has been tough. Yeah ok boring you with background info, My problem is my mood swings are bad. I am depressed, very badly for some length of time,and then in a day I will be very hyper happy, very very hyper, and then very depressed and then happy then depressed, my happy moods are very hypre and my bad moods are very bad, in which I will think about harming myself, killing myself, harming others and killing others,I don't remeber much of my childhood or of recent years, I do not remember this year very well. I do remember howerver dreaming of supre strenght and being admired, and I used to ting that people on tv will watch me and I still do to a degree except now I cannot be in a room where a people are looking at a camera(in a photo) I feel they are laughing at me and judging me this controls my life. I daydream most of my days I am lonely and very frequently aka 99% of the time feel unworhty and bad. I also suffer times where I am not in my head i am else where and I cannot concentrate. I have been to see a psyciatrist today and I had to convince them not to take me into hospital, as I do not want my parents to learn of my problems due to arguments and the fact that my brother killed himself. I have to see a chrisis team and be put on medication But I am scared I am scared o myself, of the future and I am getting worse I need to know whats wrong with me why i am I how I am? I hate myself so much WHATS WRONG WITH me please help as I cannot carry on life like this. Thankyou for your time Vickyxx
Posts: 10 | Location: Devon, UK | Registered: 08-08-05
Vicky, as a nurse, I suggest you go back to the psychiatrist and let them put you in the hospital. You need some major help for your own safety and well being. The hospital is the place to get it.
I understand that you don't want your parents to know but, as a mother, I would rather know my child is getting help than to worry that she will choose the same route as her brother. Your parents will be a support system for you...if you don't want to tell them all the details, that is your choice but you should tell them that you are going to the hospital because you know you need help. Believe me, I'll bet they know something is wrong and will feel relieved to have you take some positive action.
That said, you have to want the help or you will receive no benefits from it. Please get the help you need; things are not going to improve on their own. Keep us posted on what you decide to do. Good luck, sweetie!
You shouldn't feel embarrassed or shamed because you need help... reach out for some help because it seems you need some right now. It sounds like you should go spend some time in the hospital and see if they can help. Imagine if you had cancer... would you be embarrassed to have it treated?
Hope you can find some good doctors to help you out and don't be ashamed of who you are... you are too young for this to be your fault. You can not help how your brain works but with help you can get treatment to make it better.
Posts: 3056 | Location: USA | Registered: 06-04-02
A chemical imbalance most likely, possibly augmented with psychological (situational) events. EXAMPLE your lost brother which may have lead to more serious issues that need not only medicine but therapy, grief management, etc.
No, you can't carry on your life like this.
Go back to the doctor and be admitted and undergo supervised medication therapies - get the chemical imbalances worked out soonest. Also get the network of therapist, groups and other support structures started.
Posts: 3945 | Location: Leaving land, heading for the ocean | Registered: 06-03-02
Thankyou all for replying. I cannot let my parents know because my dad drinks on a frequent basis and becomes very agressive. they know about a self harming from last year but think i am better I have told them this because it caused so many problems. I have been to the psyc I have to talk to a crisis team and get a community psyciatric nurse and a psyciatrist (spelling bad sorry) but I am not convinced it works my mood swings today are less severe as I am going through an extremely lethargic stage. Thankyou for your advice its really appriciated I am so lost I don't know who I am because who I am changes so often. thanks again vickyxxx
Posts: 10 | Location: Devon, UK | Registered: 08-08-05
Is there a name for whats wrong with me I need to know its not just me I need to know I am not crazy These are some of my symptoms:
Feeling very sad and hopeless Mental and physical slowing Lack of energy Finding it difficult to concentrate Feeling of emptiness or worthlessness Feeling pessimistic about everything Feeling of serious self-doubt Difficulty sleeping, waking up early Thoughts of suicide
When I am not in a sad move I am Feeling extremely happy, elated or euphoric Feeling full of energy Not feeling like sleeping Feeling important
I have been told I talk fast and so weird things and if I get told nopt to it triggers a bad mood. When I am happy I spend a lot of money.
I got all this of some website it describes how I am I don't klnow what it means but it must mean something so I know I am not a silly little girl like I think I am! thanks for reading I won't bore you anymore Xxxxxxxxxxx
Posts: 10 | Location: Devon, UK | Registered: 08-08-05
I suspect you are bi-polar (Manic-Depressive) exhibiting symptoms of psychosis. Actually I would say you were a classic "text-book" example with the exception of one thing....someone suffering from bi-polar disorder while exhibiting those symptoms....will actually deny that there is anything wrong with them. The fact that you recognize that there is something wrong is interesting. You also are a self mutilator, if I read correctly.
Bi-Polar disease can be treated with medication and talk therapies. But you need to see a psychiatrist. You need help. So now that you have a name for the above listed symptoms...will you get help?
I agree with Georgia, sounds like bi-polar symptoms.
However we are not doctors, we can not offer a real diagnosis that is worth anything beyond what we personally think. Only a real doctor who meets with you and talks with you can give you a diagnosis and a treatment plan.
As this thread continues you are telling us other things which have a direct bearing on your state of health. Another example is your dad’s drinking – this directly affects you in ways you can not imagine. There are groups out there like Alanon: http://www.ola-is.org/ which is a program of support for family and loved ones of drug addicts and alcoholics. It is designed to give you (the person who lives with another person’s addictions) a place to go to be around people who like you are dealing or have dealt with loved ones who have a drinking problem or drug addiction. It may provide you with a support group of individuals who can help you work through the issues of being around or having an alcoholic in your life.
I’m sorry about your family and their needs, but to be honest you need to look out for yourself first. You are not helping your family by not acting and seeking help for yourself.
Granted, they may not understand why you seek out help for yourself – they may not understand that ever – but for their sake and your own sake you need to address this, even if this does include a stay at hospital. Shielding your family while at the time being miserable is not love – it is codependency which is a terrible waste of your life.
With the underlying situation at home it may be suggested to you to move out or keep a distance from your family for a while. Sometimes that is the best thing for all concerned. You need to work on you before you can work on your family’s problems.
I know it sounds selfish, because it is – however you need to be selfish now or you can end up being hurt greatly, or even dead.
Posts: 3945 | Location: Leaving land, heading for the ocean | Registered: 06-03-02
Its a hard step to take really its scary but I am considering a hospital stay I am getting scared. Georgia Thankyou for the web link I found he happy moods are less like me but I get hyper and really high and happy and brave stuff like but it doesn't last and every couple of months after a fw mood swings and a two week miserable period I feel extremely lethargic and normal but whilst experiencing less severe mood swings and then it restarts and goes again. The picure problem which you called psycosis has always been there and that NEVER goes away its there 24/7 Thankyou all so much for your help am seeing somebody again on monday though am scared thanks again Vicksxxx
Posts: 10 | Location: Devon, UK | Registered: 08-08-05
I spent over 40 year fighting that "high/low" depression cycle until I sought help. It makes a difference, and I truly wish I hadn't waited so long. I wasted a large part of my life. Please deal with it now and get help. It will not get better on its own.
Posts: 17280 | Location: Lincoln Place, Granite City, IL, USA | Registered: 06-03-02
Hi Thankyou all for your support Unfortunately the psyciatrist I keep going to see keeps cancelling my appointments because she is 'ill' and I have to keep waiting trying to get your life straight is so hard lol thanks for your time Vicky
Posts: 10 | Location: Devon, UK | Registered: 08-08-05
