In the a matter of a few short months I have gone from a successful college student with a bright future to a sad and pathetic bum.

At the beginning of September I was about to attend my sophomore year of college at Ohio University. I had spent all of last summer saving up money for my rent, books, food, etc. The first mistake I made, however, was deciding to live by myself. Within the first week of being alone in my apartment I started to freak out. I would wake up in the middle of the night unable to breath. I would have panic attacks at work and in class. NO one could console me. I started to convince myself to drop out and move back in with my mom. And like an idiot that is exactly what I did.

I quit my fantastic part-time job, I gave up my apartment and wasted my security deposit and the 3 weeks of rent (about $600). I dropped all my classes and lost a lot of my already payed tuition (about $1000).

After I returned home I became even more unstable. I started having suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life. My mother put me in counseling but I dont think it is helping. I now have no motivation to do anything. I cant help thinking that I have completely ruined my life.

Basically I have done nothing for 2 months now and it has taken its toll on my physical and emotional health. I know that that I need to get another job and go back to school but I have yet to even start looking. I feel that if I dont go back to school next quarter I will just get worse, but I am also terrified of going back. I need advice.

What you describe is not uncommon. Sometimes, people need a break, and if they don't take one, their mind will arrange one. Yours just did. I don't know you, so I don't know if you are "a sad and pathetic bum" but what you have said here certainly doesn't make you one. There are other great part-time jobs, there are other apartments, and Ohio University will still be there next year, and most likely will be there for quite some time. Going back later is not out of the question, and often, students who do that become even better students than they were, learning more, understanding more, and appreciating more. College is a very stressful time, and, unfortunately, those least likely to handle stress well, i.e. the young, are the ones who find themselves in college when they are also in a very stressful time of their lives.

Discuss your feelings that the therapy isn't helping with the therapist, but from personal experience I can tell you that it is not something that just happens immediately. Please give it some time. You didn't get in this state overnight, and you won't get better overnight. But you will eventually get better IF you allow yourself the time to heal.

As far as completely ruining your life, that too, is unlikely. Life itself is a learning experience, and what you learn now will certainly help you in the future. Stop and think of how long ago you were 10 years old. Doesn't it seem like a lifetime ago? Consider what you have learned in that ten years. (I am guessing that you are about 20 now.) Consider what you have experienced, what you have seen, how your horizons have broadened. Now consider this: In another ten years, which was such a long time when you looked back, you will only be thirty. Statistically, you will be only 1/3 of the way through your life. Right now, you can look forward to a time period eight times longer than the time period that has elapsed since you were ten. You have a long time to make up for any mistakes you have recently made. You were smart enough to get through your freshman year. Your writing tells me that you are (or can be) organized in your thinking. Use those gifts now to objectively look at your situation. You are OK. Really. And your life will get better, but you have to allow it to.

Please keep in touch.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,

You also seem to have a pretty good sense of your problems. You know what you need, and what you want to be able to do. Don't feel bad about not being able to do something though. Work can be tough and you've just got to try.

Don't just aim for succeeding, aim for trying. Taking everyday one step at a time, every assignment one step at a time, every moment of thinking about your work one step at a time. Don't do your work with the end of college or the end of the semester in mind. Do your work in pieces, a piece at a time, piece by piece. Don't even think about finishing. Think about what you're doing and focusing on right in front of you only. And if you have more than a day to work on something, it might even help to split up your work and spread it out, doing a chapter of a book here, a page of a workbook there, a section of a worksheet over there. Try pacing yourself that way.

You can have a clear mind about your work just like you did in order to write your thoughts to us on here. You just need to work with yourself and take a few steps in the right direction. You'll have plenty of time to try to fix your regrets after they're done with. So just take your time now in strengthening yourself.

You just need to find a way to start, to get it all flowing smoothly. Perhaps you can find something small that isn't for school but something that you'll have a goal for in the end and see how good you can be doing that. Maybe it'll make you feel more comfortable with working on something that you need turn in or know for class.

Also, if you're able to work your way back to college work, think about taking the minimum number of classes that you can take for the first year or whenever you feel comfortable enough to take more classes.

So maybe you aren't ready to be in school right now. When my oldest brother went through a time like this, my father suggested he go work at a ski resort for a year. He did and it helped a lot. Life is impossible to ruin... you just have to shake off the bad stuff and find something that you want to do. Perhaps what has really got you down is the idea that you HAVE to do something or this idea that you'll be a bum or ruin your life. You are so young and you have a lot that you can bounce back from still.

Is there something that you'd love to do? Is there something that you enjoy but you for some reason think is impossible for you? Having a dream and making it happen can give you some new purpose... things don't change overnight but you can start to make it better.

People go through tough times and if you open up to tell people about it, you might be surprised at how many people have gone through bad times too... and their lives may be really great now.

You know, you are describing EXACTLY the situation that occurred for me and how I felt about it. I DID take time off, I DID work at other jobs and I DID return to school and finish later. In fact, 10 years later then, I went back again and got a different degree that I am happier with.

Let me tell you something, life isn't a race, it isn't about who gets to the finish line, because lets face it we ALL get to the same finish line eventually.

What matters is that you make the choices that make sense for you. The whole issue is to take the time to think about what YOU need, what work will make YOU happy and satisfied with your life. It doesn't really matter how long that takes.

My husband spent 15 years as a cook. He decides that he doesn't want to do this and wants to go to school, but isn't sure exactly WHAT he wants to do. He goes and then drops out and then goes again and drops out. He finally figured out what he REALLY wanted to do and is now back in school for several years now.

He doesn't care how long it will take because it isn't a Race and the only reward is to be happy and satisfied with how he is working and living his life.

I don't know if that helps, but the others have given some good advice. I hope you feel better soon.

I say enroll in the very next quarter possible. Too many times kids take a break from school promising to "go back" but they never do. Sher, kudos for following through.

Reading your post I'm inclined to think that maybe you just weren't ready to live on your own. I don't get a sense at all that you needed a break from school. For me, life is a constantly moving train. Make a pit stop and it's all that much harder to get started again.

There is nothing wrong with living at home until you are ready to venture out on your own. There is a comfort factor that is needed while you are continuing with that higher education. So my suggestion is stay home, find another part time job, re-enroll in college, and apply yourself to be the best student you can. While at home, contribute to the household expenses by paying a small rent and a portion of the utilities. That will get you prepared for your own expenses once you move out. And even after you graduate from college you don't have to move out on your own until you are financially and mentally prepared for it. It will happen when you are ready and when it does, you won't be faced with panic attacks when you're alone.

"...we ALL get to the same finish line eventually."

I like that, Sher.

That is a sentiment that I really recently understood. That the phrase "the one with the most toys wins" is NOT really what life is all about. I think that many people lose sight of what is truely important in life.

Thank you for your replies.