I just found out that I am pregnant. I'm not sure exactly how far along I am, but I know I am less than 1 month along. I'm 18, unmarried and college bound. I understand that having a baby during college will be very difficult... having a child during any form of schooling, for that matter, is very difficult.
This wasn't a planned pregnancy... I'm not ready to be a mother yet but I only have less than 9 months to get ready for it.
I'm not sure why I am posting this... I'm just a little nervous. I'm terrified of telling my parents because I dont want to be a disappointment to them..
When do I need to go to a doctor? I will be back with more questions.j.. ************************************************** 06-11-04, 06:55 PM Tree You're scared and understandably so. Tell me, if you haven't seen a doctor yet, how do you know that you are in fact pregnant. Was it a pregnancy test that you did, or just missed a period? Don't panic until you've seen your doctor - THEN panic! Just kidding.
06-11-04, 07:54 PM honilov If you are 100% sure that you are pregnant, you should tell your parents. Even tho you are grown at 18, you need their moral support. You might disappoint them with the shock of it but they'll adjust. I hate to hear you say that you're not ready to be a mother, because you have to to make yourself ready, for your child's sake, unless you consider putting it up for adoption. This happens all the time and whenever you feel like venting to us, we'll listen. Good luck and tell your parents. Smile
06-11-04, 08:35 PM PerfectPeach Well, at first it was all intuition. But I've taken two home pregnancy tests, both of them being positive.
06-11-04, 10:05 PM MommyTimesTwo PP
You really should talk to your parents ASAP. There are a lot of decisions to be made and things to be done in the next 8 months and the sooner you tell them, the sooner you all can deal with it.
The first thing to do (after you tell your parents, which should be like...now) is see a doctor. Second, tell the father. He needs to know, and he needs to tell you if he wants to be involved in the decision making. Third, start considering your options. But wait until you've talked to your parents and the initial shock has worn off. You can't make rational decisions when you're in shock.
If you really aren't ready to be a mother and aren't ready to care for a child, please consider adoption before anything else, including keeping the baby. Do not keep the baby because you "should" or because someone tells you bad things about adoption. You don't need to do that, and the child does not need to be raised by a parent who really didn't want them. Also, please do not allow the father to try to talk you into "we can be a family" or something like that, unless you really believe you two would be together even if you weren't pregnant. If you wouldn't be together without the pregnancy, then you shouldn't be together with the pregnancy.
Please also don't let anyone talk you into an abortion unless that is really what you want to do. I'm not talking from my own feelings here, but rather for your own sake. Most women never really get over the abortion. It's not a quick fix, it's very traumatic and painful.
Think carefully and please come here and vent with us any time you need. You can also email me if you want. I also got unexpectedly and inconveniently pregnant, when I was 21, and I had to make the same decisions you are going to have to make now. Granted our situations are different but I can be a sounding board. @->-
06-11-04, 10:35 PM Tree Peach, never mind how WE feel about it! Can you tell us how YOU feel about it all?
06-12-04, 02:14 AM DvdGStwrt The Wages of sex are pregnancy. Bummer, you are too young too bad. - ah I speak from experience, I was married and saddled with mine when I was 17, working two jobs and pretty much gave up higher education other than what I got through the schools of hard knocks. I was one of the good boys who knew his duty to the girl. I gave up many things to be a dad. That was a choice which I never ever regretted.
I feel for you, I really do, I know where you are at and I know the unimaginable burden that a baby on the way can have on your life. Chin up, you are not alone and you can make it through this (and much more too). You are in my prayers and I know you are i the prayers of many others. Tough luck kid, but I know you will make it through this. It may be hard and you may dread every moment of it, but you will make it.
Now its time for my advise, its kind of long.
When to go to a doctor? um, Now. The earliest time you start on this the easier it will be later on. I lied, it doesn't get easier, but getting early prenatal care can mean the difference between a happy healthy baby and a relatively easy pregnancy and a disabled, unhealthy baby and/or a hard long pregnancy.
Who is the father? Is he able, mature enough, to take on roll as father? Or is he gonna be a shiftless slacker who will bale on you? Yeah, I'm down on boys, they are 1/2 the problem. Where was that darn old condom, vasectomy, celibacy on his part? The baby is as much his responsibility as yours. Never know he may have a strong sense of duty thus you are a couple of young parents instead of a young mother doing it alone. I don't trust boys, been one myself, I know the kinds of trouble they can make. If he doesn't hold up his end he will be, in my mind, less than a man. That is my old fashioned views speaking. If he does pick up the ball, no matter how badly he fumbles and fouls out, he would have stood the test of manhood.
Of course I do not know you and his relationship, if you two don't want to spend the rest of your lives together then you both need to sit down and come up with a plan. If he is unwilling to partake of the chores of baby raising but desires the title of Father, then you must set your foot down and insist on financial aide rendered by him - at least. If he doesn't want to do that, then he must sign away his rights to any claim to that child. Same advise I gave to my nephews ex girlfriend when they told me about theirs, he failed to even try, Uncle David is a bit disappointed in that boy.
So you may want to include legal aide on the list of those who you call. Today there are forms which you both sign which declare him off the financial hook and declares you as sole guardian of the child. This protects him later on when Welfare or other social programs you may need to use insist on slapping him with child support. At the same time it protects you from having to share the baby, say 5, 10 years later he comes back and tries to pull a fast one declaring you an "unfit" mother and tries to take the child away. After you did the hard work - It happens my dear, way too often.
I'll lay off the dad (But mind I am old fashioned and I see it as being 75% his fault, can't blame me I am male with funny male outlook on the duty of men to women and children) for now. I'll have to think about it more.
Sounds to me you have a lot of work cut out for you, and actually today it isn't half as hard for a pregnant/young mother in college, there are alternatives for day care and what not and plenty of social programs out there which are designed to help you help yourself, and your baby. Financial aide is readily got by women in your shoes, and there are other things, I think others can flesh that out for you far better than I.
The worst part is coming to grips with being a mother, and at your age that includes the small fact that you will not be able to catch any old fish in the sea, you will have to find a man who would be willing to take on the charge of a ready made family. Fortunately today's views are such that there are plenty of divorced men out there who are willing and able to take on the burden of a instant family. Unlike the 50's and earlier being an Unwed mother does not carry with it the stigma that it once did, That is in your favor. Because our attitudes have changed more people are willing to render aide and there are many more social programs that cater to the needs of the mother and child.
So it is that the world of 2004 is a far, far different world than of 1982-83 where the old values where still around and people had certain thoughts about these kinds of things. 20 years of positive changes have been made, contrary to what the media tells us. There are many more programs out there that help a young mother to get independent instead of creating a condition of reliance upon the system of "welfare".
All of that last was to inspire you and to point out that things are better and far more promising than you may think. Chin up, Society is on your side.
After the Doctor, and after the father, I would start checking into local programs, Welfare, child care, post natal care, etc. etc. etc.
Tell the Parents is on that list too, but I say see a doctor first, and see if the rabbit dies (though I doubt they still use rabbits for that test).
Once you get a professional confirmation of the blessed event then you should go through the list of people to tell. Tell them, even if they throw a hissy fit.
Abortion? I won't look down on you, and I think many others here will not deny you that choice - it is yours, but I too would like to stress that there are plenty of people out there who want children and can't have them. Adoption is a good thing and doesn't carry with it all of the garbage that it used to for all parties involved, it is an acceptable and honorable thing to do.
Keep the baby, only if you really want the baby and if you are able.
It is a hard choice to make, and in the end it is your choice. Any choice you make in this matter is a good one. If you decide to keep the baby there are many rewards which have no dollar sign to and you may not see them for 18 or more years. There are many others which are instant rewards and make child rearing worth the effort.
More advise (Yeah I'm full of it).
Make lists:
First a list of lists to make:
1. Who to tell right now:
Partially done: a. Doctor, b. Father c. Parents d.???? That's for you to decide.
2. When you confirm the blessed event coming, start setting yourself up for social aide programs now, don't wait until the eighth month or when baby is here, start preparing now, nine months is a very, very short time i.e. Day care, financial aide, School aide (Many professors may allow you to do the work at home, check) School counselor (Make him/her earn their money, they are there to make things easier for you) may have many suggestions and maybe even a list of things for college aged single mothers.
3. Planned Parenthood: Nope, not just for abortions, never really have been. They will give you the tools you need to make that choice and they will also give you the tools you need to make the right choices when you decide to keep the baby.
4. What to do with Dad? I gave you some hints above for if he doesn't want to help you, but if he wants to help and be an active supportive parent, then you have to decide if marriage is in the cards, or if there is some sort of arrangement you too can work out. It is best to see a Legal aide, there are plenty of free legal aides out there, you need to set up paper work which protects both of you from any possible future outcome if you too do not marry. It can be a big pain in the butt, however a legal paper bound contract between you too means less problems in future.
This is a start, the real information is not really on the net, you will have to go places, starting with your Doctor.
Last bit of advice, be good to yourself. What does that mean? That means don't abuse yourself, beat yourself up for a mistake in not using a contraceptive. Not blaming yourself for having a bit of pleasure, not blaming yourself for your life. Being good to yourself means to love yourself and know that anything done is done. Being good to yourself means trying to find the Cans in all of those Can'ts. It means to look in the mirror and see a woman who is proud to be a person, one who can look at herself in the mirror and know that no matter what she has done, no matter what she does, no matter what she will do she will try to do her best.
Life does not come with an owners manual, we all do our best, some may be better at that then others (mostly it appears so) but I assure you we are all muddling through somehow.
I hope some of this helps.
David
06-12-04, 02:41 AM puppyblues Perfect Peach. First of all, I'm sorry that you've gotten into something that is impossible to get out of without hurting several people.
I will tell you, from a parent of a teen mom (recently) what I think. When Megan told me she was pregnant, I was floored. She was the LAST person on earth that I thought that would happen to. She is only 17 years old and now she has a baby to take care of for the rest of her life. I was shocked, disappointed, scared and yes, I was mad. However, not for one milisecond did I stop loving her. You have to remember that no matter what you do in life, your parents are going to love you. You need to tell them, let them get over the shock so that they can be there to support you. The longer you keep it from them, the harder it's going to be for you to tell them, and right now, you don't need to worry about those things. If you are going to keep your baby, you need to be in a good frame of mind, relaxed and not worrying about telling people. Just do it and get it over with.
Is abortion an option for you? What about adoption? There are millions of people in this world that would do just about anything for a baby and they can't have one. (It's always amazed me that people that are at a good age, financially secure, good people CAN'T have a baby, while young single teen moms can have plenty...but that's God's will).
Try and think of it as the worst and best scenero's (sp?) Worst: you tell them, they get mad, not talk to you and not support you. Best: Yes, they are disappointed because they wanted better for you, but are supportive and helpful in every way possible. When I was 18, I got pregnant with my daughter. My dad wouldn't even look at me the entire time I was pregnant, but the first time he layed eyes on his granddaughter, he was hooked. There's something about a baby that brings out the best in people. They are tiny little innocent beings that did not ask to be brought into the world, but are there and it's hard for people to not fall instantly in love with them.
Is the boy still around? Will he help you support this baby should you choose to keep it? Would his parents be supportive?
You have a lot on your plate right now, but it's nothing that you can't handle with the help of family and friends. Please, tell your parents now. They need/deserve to know and they can be of great help to you. And if not, you will know from the beginning and seek out help in other places. I know, it's the scariest thing you've ever had to tell them....but millions of kids have babies everyday, so they might not be as shocked as you think. Sometimes the anticipation of telling something is worse then the reaction you get.
Good luck honey and keep us posted. You know we will help you through anything you are going through. Smile
06-12-04, 02:53 AM puppyblues Oh and as David said, get to the doctor NOW. There is nothing more important when you are pregnant as good pre-natal care. They can tell you exactly how far along you are, they will help you with options (should you choose to look down different avenues), they will give you a script for pre-natal vitimans...VERY important. I can't even stress how important pre-natal care is.
So, no matter what decisions you make, no matter how long it takes you to tell your parents, get to the doctor. Smile
06-12-04, 08:55 AM Kelleygirl Oh Perfect Peach, everyone's given you lots of good advise. I just wanted to say that you're not the only people whose gotten themselves in this situation --- don't be scared or freak out. Do what you think is the right thing. Whatever you decide, things have a way of workin' out. Please see the doctor right away, though. Take care and love yourself. 06-12-04, 09:24 AM soaringhorse David, as usual your post just totally made me amazed and astonished as to how right you are. Wow, you really have been there and back, haven't you? I became teary eyed at the end of your post, because personally, I have been there, and if someone had taken the time to say these kind words to me, I wouldn't have made the choice I did. Perfect Peach, I really just want to say, don't do something you'll regret later. You see, I didn't tell my mother, she was an alcoholic at the time, and very abusive to me anyways, so I turned to a friend who tried to help the best she could. She directed me to her mother. The advice was pretty straightforward, and it was my boyfriend and my decision as what to do from there. 1. Keep the baby. 2. Adoption 3. Abortion
Now, all I have to say is I regret taking option 3. I was very young, age 17, and would not tell my mother, but always wonder what would've happened if I did. You see, fear is your worst enemy. Don't even let this scare you. You are not the only one whom this has happened to, and will not be the last. As David said, today is so much different than it was back when I was a teenager, in (1977). You have so much assistance to help you. And don't let anyone talk you down, for needing help. We all need help, that's what it's there for. Just try and get yourself straightened out, in the future. That means, get on some kind of birth control in the future. I don't want you to worry yourself over this, because you can do this, just set your mind to it. The hardest part is just letting people know you're pregnant. I got pregnant again when I was 23, and became a single parent. I have never regretted it, and am so happy for this wonderful teenager I have. He's my world, I would do anything for him. And that means that if he walked up to me and said "Mom, I think my girlfriend and I are going to have a baby.", I would stand by him and just be grateful he came to me, and not someone else. That line of communication needs to always be there, so go tell your parents, it's going to be the hardest hurdle to take, but you'll feel better get on the right track and get on with your life.
snip from David...
quote:It means to look in the mirror and see a woman who is proud to be a person, one who can look at herself in the mirror and know that no matter what she has done, no matter what she does, no matter what she will do she will try to do her best.
That is so beautiful, you are a wonderful person, DAVID! Smile Good Luck, and Good Wishes!
PS: You need as much support from people who are positive and are willing to help you, stay away from those who think wrongly of you. There are some cruel people in this world and they will pay for it in the long run, don't worry about it. Just hold your head high, and prove you can do this!
Soaringhorse
06-12-04, 09:37 AM PerfectPeach Thank you all for your replies and support. I know I should tell my parents immediately. I am terrified, but I will do it. I've already told the father. He's not a bad guy so I know he wont bale on me... and even if he did, his dad would kick him in the rear. He doesn't seem as concerned about this as I am.
I would never ever have an abortion so that is not an option for me. MommyTimesTwo, dont get me wrong... its not that the child would be unwanted and uncared for. Its just that I had plans for myself and things to accomplish before I became a parent. Being a mother, however, is something I've always wanted. I will keep the baby, love it unconditionally and still accomplish my goals... only it will be much harder.
David, thank you for the links. I will look into all of those and see a doctor soon.
06-12-04, 09:44 AM MommyTimesTwo I'm glad to hear that Peach--I don't know you, so please don't be offended that I said that. It's just that I have seen an awful lot of girls who got pregnant very young and spend the rest of their life resenting the baby like it was the child's fault. I'm very glad to see you're better than that Smile
Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure it will be the best choice for you. Just remember that God or whatever higher power there is has a plan for your life that might be different than what you had planned. I know that first hand lol it was a LOT different for me! Trust yourself and only take advice from good people, and you'll be okay in the end.
06-15-04, 01:13 PM Elexina Perfect Peach, I am so sorry to hear that you are in such a dilemma. Having children can be a wonderful thing, but it is not something that can be forced upon you if you are not ready for it. First of all, you must see a doctor immediately. You should either see your doctor, or go to Planned Parenthood and get verification from a medical professional that you are indeed pregnant. I had high school friends who tested positive with home tests, and were not pregnant (she took three, actually), not to mention my sister-in-law who is always pregnant and usually tests negative. Once you find out for sure, you can begin to think about your options. Pregnancy does sometimes result from sexual intercourse, that is a fact of life, and it is a consequence you must face, but you do have options. If you are not ready to be a mother right now, you do not have to be a mother yet. I don’t want to counsel you one way or another, but there are professionals who can do just that. Planned Parenthood provides excellent counseling services, or your private doctor could help you look into your options. If you decide to keep the baby, or at least keep it to term, the doctor who tests you will be able to help you with your next steps as far as follow-up appointments. This pregnancy is your business and your decision, no one else’s. I would recommend that you tell your parents, and the father, but you do not have to. It is all up to you. This is your life and in the end, you are the one who is going to have to make the decisions about what to do.
If abortion is not an option for you, I understand that. But remember, there is nothing wrong with being selfish. You have plans for your life and you don’t ever want to look back and wonder what could have been. You have to be absolutely sure of your choices. There will always be some second guessing of your decision, whatever it may be, but the decision is yours and yours alone. Don’t do something because you think it is “the right thing to do,” do it because it is what’s right for you.
Please, see a doctor, though. Not “soon,” but immediately. Have someone confirm the home test results, and speak with a counselor. Whether you keep and raise the baby or not, you will need someone to talk to, preferably someone who has dealt with women in your situation before. And especially if you’re going to keep the baby, there are vitamins you should be taking, certain foods you should avoid, certain things to expect, and a doctor can help you with all of that. I would definitely recommend Planned Parenthood, and David has given you some great links as well.
And post here any time. We are all here for each other, so any time you have a qualm or a question or you just want to vent, post. No matter what decisions you make, whether we agree with you or not, we will support you and help you through this.
Blessed be, my dear. May you find the answers you seek within your heart and mind. -El
06-15-04, 11:12 PM IamTWP Kelly you know I'm praying for you...please I beg of you to get in touch with me...you know how
06-16-04, 10:10 AM Georgia85 Elexina, you said what I wanted to say but in a much better way than I ever could. Thanks
PerfectPeach, if you are not ready to be a mother yet, then you are not ready. If you start changing your life now to accomodate something you don't have to accept than you will find yourself doing it more and more.
One day you will make a wonderful mother. Wouldn't you like to have that experience when you are older, with someone to share the experience with, and in financial situation that will allow to handle the expenses of raising a child?
06-18-04, 10:33 PM PerfectPeach I have been thinking a lot about this and have come to the conclusion that adoption is the best option. I am not financially, emotionally nor physically ready for this. I'm not ready to be a mother, but someone else is...
06-19-04, 07:49 AM MommyTimesTwo Good for you Peach Smile I'm so glad you're thinking of what's best for both of you.
06-19-04, 04:42 PM puppyblues That's the most UNselfish thing I've heard in a long time. It will be hard, but you always want what's best for your baby and there are so many people out there who can't have kids that want them so badly.
I hope you seek counceling for this to help you through the emotional part.
06-19-04, 05:04 PM IamTWP kelly PLEASE, i need to talk to you. please email me...email address located in profile.
(this message was edited to remove email address...per the site rules: "Personal e-mail addresses must not be included in any post. Instead refer the intended person to your profile. The forums on this site are viewable by non-members, whereas profiles are not. This will aid in the prevention of harassment from unknown parties via the internet".)
This message has been edited. Last edited by: Lydia, 06-19-04 10:13 PM
06-19-04, 05:50 PM jusork I am scared... Good luck, Peach. Sounds like you made a fine decision to me.
06-19-04, 08:14 PM PerfectPeach
quote:Originally posted by puppyblues:
I hope you seek counceling for this to help you through the emotional part.
This has been the hardest decision I've ever made in my life. It is a constant battle and I know there will never be a time that I cease to second guess myself. I know in my head I've made the right decision, but this is taking a huge toll on my heart. I go to WalMart and see the baby section and it pains me. I've looked up adoption sites on the web and read the parent profiles and I cry... It hurts so much and I'm so afraid I'll become way too attached. I've decided that I wont see any sonogram pictures nor hear the heartbeat. I dont want to know the gender and I am debating whether or not to hold the baby after I give birth. It hurts because when its all said and done, my breasts will be a bit bigger as well as my hips, I will probably have gained a few pounds and have new stretch marks to show it but I have to give away my baby... I'm sure it will make some couple very very happy though.
I am lucky to have free clinical psychology service at the university I will be attending. I know I will use the facility as much as I can because I cannot go through this alone.
06-19-04, 08:39 PM Sherasi PerfectPeach, I have a very close family member that made the exact choice you are making. Her decision including literally making herself dislike the "thing in her body" and treated "it" as an intruder. That was the only way emotionally she could handle the situation.
I know the family the child went to... the child is loved and well-cared for. The adoptive parents are a librarian and Lutheran Minister who had been trying to have children for over 15 years. The woman who gave Sarah up made a good decision. At the time she was unmarried.
She did marry the father after all, even after adopting the child out, but they were divorced within only 2 years because of his drug/alcohol abuse and criminal behavior. NOT a good environment to raise a child.
06-19-04, 09:16 PM MommyTimesTwo PP
I can't say as I have been in your situation, because I haven't and I can't imagine how you feel (but I do wish I could give you a big hug!) All I can tell you is that I know a lot of people who have been adopted, and while all of them do wish in some part of them they knew their birth parents, all are also very greatful for the family they were given.
My sister in law was adopted when she was 14, after her mother (who didn't want a child) made sure she knew how little she was wanted and constantly allowed her boyfriend to push her to neglect the child (I know you wouldn't be like this, it's just an example). My SIL went through a lot of foster homes, because most people don't want to adopt an older child, and she has a lot of problems now from all that. I really have a lot of respect for you, making such a hard decision but one that is definitely the right one for you and the baby. And doing it right after the birth will reduce the emotional pain for you and the baby (though I know, it never goes away).
Here is a poem by an adoptive mother that I thought might help you a little. Love is universal Smile
quote:A Special Bond of Love by Karen Ledbetter A poem of thanks to a birth mother.
Once strangers, not knowing of each other, God brought us together To share a special bond of love With a sweet little girl named Sarah.
You may never understand the pain Or know the tears I cried. My heart's desire was for a child To nurture, love, and guide.
I may never understand the pain Or know the tears you cried. You said good-bye to this precious child, Entrusting me to nurture, love, and guide.
I see your face in her pretty smile, And love in her sparkling eyes. She's the answer to countless prayers, A blessing to many lives.
No longer strangers, We share a special bond of love With a very precious gift From our God above.
06-19-04, 11:50 PM Georgia85 I am so proud of you for the decision you made. You thought it through and while emotionally I know you really don't want to part with this child, logic and reason is working for your benefit. If you continue making such decisions you will have the makings of a strong, goal oriented woman. All my best to you.
06-20-04, 02:23 AM DvdGStwrt Perfect Peach;
That is a good decision. You are not doing a bad thing by giving up the child, no one, and I mean no one, will blame you or think less of you for understanding that you are too young, do not have the emotional ability nor the money to raise a child.
If anything your choice is the most mature and wise choice to make given the circumstances.
Do seek out professional help, meaning a therapist to help you through this period of carrying and then after to deal with the mess of emotions that giving up the child will bring. Of course you know were we are, and if at any time you need somebody to scream at, or dump on, my email address is open for your use.
Remember, be good to yourself.
David
06-20-04, 06:53 AM shelster PP, sorry this is probably a bit late, but I just wanted to give you another opinion on this situation. I too was 18, unmarried and college bound.
It can be done, and no I wasn't ready, and yes it was hell for a while...but you know what..I wouldn't change a thing. Check out my pic in the yearbook and you will see my "unplanned pregnancy" child. Beautiful, happy and well adjusted (ask Sher, she knows). I can't imagine life without Karena. And I wouldn't have been able to handle many of the hardships of life, had I not learned struggle through that situation.
I am 30, married to my highschool sweetheart, and an RN.
It takes a heck of a lot of determination, but it can be done.
If you are sure adoption is the right thing, then good for you for making the right decision for you. But, if there is any doubt, I just wanted you to know, it can be done.
06-20-04, 12:37 PM puppyblues Your situation turned out well, Shelster, but it can also turn around and bite you in the butt. No one knows until they are a mother how much work is involved. It's not just bringing baby home, making her look all cute, taking pictures...and those happy postcards types of life. It can all turn on you. Trust me, I'm living it right this very second.
06-20-04, 01:45 PM shelster Oh, Puppy, I know I have been blessed. But whenever the subject of unplanned pregnancy comes up, all we ever hear is the negative. Its only right to post some of the positives. Some situations do turn out well. That was my only point.
06-20-04, 01:52 PM MommyTimesTwo Shell and Pup, you are of course both right.
As I have said, I became pregnant for my son after I'd been with his father for only a month. I barely knew him. I was 21, in college, working full time, and had been living on my own for oh, a month (see a pattern??)
We got married when our son was 3 months old. We wanted to make sure that we actually wanted to be together, and weren't just getting married for the child (NOT that getting married for the child is a BAD thing, just not for us).
For us it turned out okay. Granted I HATE THE AIR FORCE and I'm sure I'll like him a LOT more after he gets out, but I mean there's no abuse, we love each other, no drugs/alcohol, and two happy nuggets.
Now in comparison a woman I was friends with back in NY. She was living with her boyfriend when she was 25, and got pregnant. He decided he didn't want a child and started beating her. She didn't leave until he almost killed her, when her daughter was 1 year old. She went on to be on welfare and through a string of bad relationships, and now has another child by another man she is not longer involved with, at the age of 37. She's still on welfare, she can't support both children by herself, so she's moving in with her sister and her sister's husband who is abusive.
There's virtually no way to know before hand how it will be. I got very, very lucky that the person I barely knew turned out to be a good dad and husband (just a pain in the REAR Razz). It could have very easily gone the other way.
06-21-04, 01:17 PM Elexina PP, I am so proud of you. Any decision you make in this situation is going to be hard, but I am proud of you for knowing who you are and what is best for you. It is not going to be easy, but you know that we are here for you. Remember that. Also remember, thought, that this is your life and your decision. Don't let anyone tell you what you have to do or how it ought to be. You've found the answers inside yourself and you have got to believe that it is right.
Blessed be, my dear. This goes without saying, I think, but feel free to e-mail me any time you need. We'll all be here for you.
07-01-04, 03:18 AM clarebear Perfect Peach
I know this is a really difficult time for you. I just want you to know I am thinking about you and I wish you the best. (truly I do) Keep a strong network of friends around you. Now is the time that you will need them most. Smile
{{{{{ Perfect Peach }}}}}
This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,
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