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Picture of aleia
Posted
My husband asked me over the weekend if I was ready to try and have a baby. I had a miscarriage a year ago and it put a little stress into our marriage. We have since worked on our marriage and things are great. While I do want to be a mom, I'm scared of losing another child. What can I do to get over this?
 
Posts: 131 | Location: Mooresville, NC | Registered: 04-04-04Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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Picture of clarebear
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Although your child was not born, your baby was still very much a part of your life. The best way to deal with the grief is to talk about it. Women who have had miscarriages DO have healthy babies at another time. Take comfort in that. Just know that it wasn't your fault. Sometimes it just happens.

The American Pregnancy Association can help answer some of your questions.
APP

or call them at 1-800-672-2296. They are there to help.

Good Luck to you. Smile
 
Posts: 5305 | Location: The Motor City | Registered: 06-03-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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Aww, Darlin', It is completely normal to be afraid to try again after such a harsh blow, and I'm very sorry for your loss.
Talk to your doctor about what you can do to be at your healthiest before trying again, knowing that you're physically ready might go a long way towards helping you be emotionally ready. What Clare said is absolutely true, many women whose first pregnancies had problems have perfectly healthy, complication free pregnancies the next time.
My very best wishes for you,your husband and your future family.
 
Posts: 2239 | Location: Western United States | Registered: 06-03-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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Look on the bright side: you've proven that you're a fertile couple, which means you've cleared a major hurdle.

Miscarriages (medically speaking, spontaneous abortions) are perhaps more common than you realize. Based on just one such occurrence, there's no reason why you can't have kids, soon and often! Keep trying. Talk it over with your obstetrician. Good luck. Smile
 
Posts: 1991 | Location: U.S. | Registered: 06-03-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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To support what Clare said: My sister-in-law had a miscarriage with her first baby.
She subsequently had 6 healthy children! Smile
Good luck!
 
Posts: 6323 | Location: LA (Lower Alabama) USA | Registered: 06-03-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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If you are religious then talk with your pastor/preacher/priest. Also make a PRE-pregnancy appt with your doctor to discuss how to be as healthy as you can be before you try to conceive.

You worries will never fully go away until you have that baby in your arms. And then sets in a whole new array of wrries for the rest of your life.

This may sound harsh but this is my best advice (i will explain how I came to this "reality") don't worry of=ver things you can't answer. You must accept and move on for ONE DAY you will get the answers you need- but no one here can give them to you.

Now let me explain my "harsh" statement. In 1990 at the age of 20 my hbby and I found out after a year of trying that we were pregnant. By the 3rd month they said something was wrong. After a amnio came back abnormal they deceided to do the easy test of a ultrasound- found out that the baby had gastroschesis (all intestines on outside) devastated we continued the pregancy and went throu a year of surgeries and drugs and therapy to get him "normal"

a few years later tried for number 2 she had a diaphragmatic hernia and died at 13 days old on ECMO machines.

Tried for number 3 ended up having him at 24 weeks he is alive but will never be independant of me. He cannot talk walt sit stand speak or see. But everyone who's life he touches is enriched by him.

Tried for number 4 feetal death at 16 weeks.

talked to doctors many times before trying for #5. She is a happy healthy normal 6 year old. And I am done having babies.

Your strength should increase with you and your husband during tragedy not be destroyed- you must support each other and ask for support when you need it. Women expect men to be a pillar of stone, when infact they crumble very easily and often need support themselves. You need to talk about this and get it out- you will never forget but you need to forgive yourself and realize this was beyond your control and you did NOTHING WRONG!!! I lived with guilt for a long time, NONE of my babies problems were related- but I know that someday I will find out why God chose me to go through my tragedies.

Best of luck to you!
 
Posts: 685 | Location: NC/SC Border | Registered: 06-05-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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