Hi,
I am 41, never had any children, and am thinking about getting pregnant in the next couple of months. Oh, and my husband is 48 with two grown children. No, he's not enthusiastic. And, we did agree to it prior to getting married.
Any advice and/or cautions out there for those of you who have had children after 40?

Thanks,
Ana

I have not had a child after 40, but my mother and aunt did. There are tests the doctor will want to run to check for genetic problems that are more likely to happen after age 40. Also, you'll probably want to see a nutritionist and make sure you're very careful on drinking enough fluids and being careful with your weight (but that is actually pretty universal).

Here is a website for women having babies after age 40. I hope it can help, and welcome to AnswerPool!

I also suggest you go to see an OB/GYN and get a complete check as well as your regular physician for a complete physical to determine your health level, the safety of being pregnant for your age and simply to get good advice from medical professionals before you proceed.

Definitely consult a doctor before attempting to get pregnant, because I doctor can tell you the pros and cons of pregnancy in general, and after 40.
If your husband is "not enthusiastic," this many present a problem, regardless of what you might have agreed to before you got married. Remember, he will be near 70 when the child is graduating high school. That will be tough.
You have to be sure that you have is full consent and support before trying to get pregnant, make sure you two see eye-to-eye every step of the way.
I have no children, but my mother's best friend did have a child well into her forties. The father was in his fifties when the baby was born, had grown children from a previous marriage and two teens from this marriage, and had a vasectomy. He was not exactly keen on another child, but they did eventually decide to do it and he had a reversal. The pregnancy went fine and the mother was fine and the baby was healthy, but, well... he is not exactly the brightest child. Granted, I only have the one example.
Have you considered adoption? My parents' neighbor wanted children after her divorce and was in her forties and decided to adopt a daughter from China. ...Just another thought to consider.

BB.

Good point Elex. Please keep the ages in the future in mind.

For example, I have a much younger (unplanned) sister. My mother had us girls at age 17, age 24, and age 38.

My mom and dad were 35 and 38 respectively when my older sister graduated from high school. They will be 56 and 59 when my younger sister graduates. By the time my younger sister graduates college, they will be 60 and 63. By her thirtieth birthday, they will be 68 and 71. In contrast, I'm the middle child, and when I am thirty they will be 54 and 57.

Your husband will be 60 when the child is 12. Will he be physically able to be there for him or her?

There are also issues with the older siblings. My sisters and I are all full siblings (no step parents or anything) and we still have difficulties because of our ages. My little sister was 9 when my first child was born. My sisters have never lived in a house together, because my older sister had already moved out and was on her own when she was born. I know his kids are not full siblings, but they will be siblings nonetheless. The age difference is something to think about.

Finally, an agreement before marriage doesn't mean that now you can force him to have more children. Usually people (not just men) in their late forties and early fifties are thinking of retirement and traveling. Are you sure you two really want to be doing diapers and long nights awake with a newborn? Will your husband be able to retire if you have a baby now? Will you? Or will you both have to keep working until the child is through college, which will be until you are 62 years old. Are you prepared to do that?

I'm not trying to discourage you, but just to help you see what is perhaps your husband's point of view. Babies are cute and fun, if they live with someone else lol As the mother of a 4 year old and a 15 month old, I can tell you they are 99.9% work, .1% sweetness and light.

Thanks for all of your advice. I really appreciate it. I'll answer all of you:

MommyTimesTwo: That is a great website. Thanks for it. And, I did think about the ages, retirement, etc. He will be able to retire when he wants to, so that's not a problem. I do see my husband's point of view. On the other hand, he did/does know how much I wanted children - or at least a child. And, I do know they are a lot of work - I'm not kidding myself there. As for being physically fit, my doctor said I was fine.

Sherasi: I did see my doctor, had a physical, and discussed it, so I'm okay that way.

Elexina: I have thought about adoption, and I think that will definitely be a consideration if I have trouble getting pregnant.

Thank you all. I'm sure you can understand the urge to have a child. But, we can take care of this child too if we have one, so I'm aware of that consideration too.

Ana

I'm glad we could all help.

The only thing that concerns me, and please ignore me if you want , is the conflict between you and your husband.

I honestly can't understand the longing to have a child, because I got pregnant unexpectedly before I was in a place in my life where I would want children (but I got there real fast lol!) I know a lot of people do, but I also know a lot of people don't. What concerns me is that, if you and your husband are disagreeing on this and he "goes along" with you or you happen to become pregnant in the mean time, how much of a problem is this going to cause in your marriage? And on the other hand, if you go along with HIM and don't have a child, how much of a problem will THAT be?

Even small conflicts can over time become marriage-breakers, and this is no small conflict. If you choose to take any advice from me, it would be to reconcile this problem BEFORE there is a child. If he is not 100% on board, PLEASE do not get pregnant. I can see how much having a baby means to you, but if he does not want to be a father again you cannot force him, prior agreements or not. As much as you want a baby, he may NOT want one just as much. And if this is the case, it may be better to go your separate ways and find someone who does want to be a father now, rather than have something as wonderful as a child come between you.

Good luck whatever happens.

I am concerned about your husband's reluctance and his age. At 48 there would be quite a risk to the child's healthA New Key to Autism. This information is not well known, but risks of serious neurological illnesses are more common. advanced paternal age :How old is too old? I don't mean to be negative, but maybe this concern is part of your husband's reluctance. BEST WISHES

The strongest correlation is with frequency of sex therefore the father's age is more relevant. ('Tired sperm" that have been sitting around a long time -- they can live for five days -- and start to break down before they encounter the egg.)
You can overcome that problem by having sex during your most fertile time, and abstaining for week or so before your most fertile time, to help assure performance, as well as prime condition for both egg and sperm. There's lots of data on timing on the internet. You'll need a thermometer.

Consider that late childbearing can put a whole lot of stress on a relationship. After all, by the time we're in our late 40's, as your husband is, most of us are past the 'baby crazy' stage, and perfer grandchildren whose parents take them home when they get cranky.