Last nite I was at my buddy's house and he was babysitting his brother inlaws kid. It was so cool, I taught the kid how to tie his shoe and everything. played catch with the kid and all that good stuff ya know. It really made me think. It would be pretty cool to have a kid of my own, but I don't know any woman well enough for that ya know. So maybe a big brother type program is good for me or adoption. Does anybody know anything about this stuff here. Or have any idea as to which one of these programs would probably better suit me. Thanks...
Posts: 2695 | Location: USA | Registered: 06-07-02
How about visiting an orphanage voluntarily or involve yourself in any other such activity involving a child / children??
The thing is.........ah, bringing up a child, no doubt is the most wonderful joy ever, and a noble deed too. However, as statistics would show, children brought up under single parents are known to have some emotional abnormalities. No matter how hard you try, they are bound to feel not wholly loved; or deprived in some way.
Also note that parenting is no easy task! A huge responsibility_not to mention the risks in your particular case_it can be agonising at times too. I understand you enjoy the company of kids, and want to make a difference in someone's life. To share your experiences, re live many childhood joys, rejuvinate your sinews while your mudane pressures are put aside and you and your child relax and have a good time together. Although, isn't it better to be able to do all that and not be liable or have to go through the unpleasant stuff? To not leave a void in either person as a consequence. Therefore I suggest reach out to the destitute. There, it is okay if you favourotise any one who you seem to attatch with. Please understand that it is not just a pet which you love to play with initially and when you tire of it later on, a pound or a new foster home would still be available. Please understand in fulfilling your wish, you will be toying with a persons entire life and personality! It can have positive impacts or take a turn for the worse.
Now what exactly do you mean by a "a big bro kind of program" ?? You may have something there...
Ron, There are a TON of volunteer sorts of things you can do if you want to be more involved with children. There are local youth centers that do activities (basketball, volleyball, etc), teaching kids to read at your local library, going into hospitals with children that have cancer and be emotional support.. there is literally thousands of things you can do. I don't think Adoption is a good idea for you at this point in your life because Adoption agencies have some seriously strict rules about the life circumstances, job, stability, etc etc of applicants for adoption.
Anyway, good luck to you and let us know what you decide to do, okay?
Audrey
Posts: 9086 | Location: PA, USA | Registered: 06-05-02
Right now in your life the last thing you need is to raise a child. You need to get yourself grounded first, that will take a while.
Up side to having a kid you pass on to the next generation life - and all that life contains.
Down side to having a kid, you lose your life - you no longer think in terms of "me" "I" "Myself" you think in terms forever of "Child of Mine". The child takes precedence in your life, meaning everything you do, everything you think, everything you say you will double think, and wonder if it was the "right thing" to do, say, think all because of the enormous responsibility that having a child puts on a parent.
If you fail to have those feelings something is dreadfully wrong here.
****************************** Single Man Adopts child: NOT! ******************************
Indeed you have two strikes against you, one your a male, 2 your single. Adoption agencies prefer two parent families, one male one female, married, with a decent income able to provide the financial support and security to the child for ever and ever -Amen. Adoption is a really hard road to tow even if you are married, have had the same job for years and can demonstrate beyond doubt that you are an upstanding member of the community.
Adoption processes raise questions, like Where did the money come from to buy that nice house you own? Have you maintained a stable job for a few years? How could is your credit history? What kind of people do you hang with. Trust me Adoption is difficult for saints, for us sinners its near impossible.
====================== That Clock is Ticking: ======================
The Biological clock is not just a female thing, men get it too, they feel the passage of their years, occasionally a situation will come along where a man is confronted with the "joys of child rearing" which will cause him to seriously consider having a few rug rats of his own.
In all honesty I am kinda hoping/praying that one of my nieces will get preggies so we can have a baby around the house. Yes we already arranged that should one of the nieces get pregnant in their wild youth that they will carry the baby full term and we will raise it as our own - no messy abortions, no unwed mother responsible for another life. In reality our nieces are lucky, not many girls have a hole card should they get pregnant.
This desire to have a child, to raise a child is normal, indeed it is the thing that should cause you to consider your life and think about making improvements in your life so you can "settle down" get married, have off spring and be the happy daddy.
But you need to fully understand that child rearing is not just teaching them to tie their shoes, just spending one night with them and enjoying the happy moments, Children are complex beings who are, for the most part, unhappy, discontent, strong willed, weak fleshed, in need of guidance, support, punishment and reward and are time consuming. In reality the reason why parents get carried away when baby takes his/her first step is because they just got through with 1.5 years of screaming, sleepless nights, dirty diapers, colic, barfing and all of the nasties of baby - not because walking is something special in itself.
Unfortunately what little we know of you from your posts here may make you a bad canadit for Big Brother program - why, because of child molestations, child abduction cases, nannies and Big brothers are put through hoops of fire, every aspect of their life is put under a microscope. Those self same questions that will be raised over adoption are raised when you become a big brother:
1. Where do you work, how long have you worked there, what is your job history? 2. Who do you hang with, where do you hang out? 3. Financially, just where did all that money come from - Your credit history is used by a lot of agencies to determine your level of responsibility. 4. History of drug use? How about a drug test, no not just the needle, but hair sample, which can go back 6 months a year, more depending on how long your hair is.
There are others. Today the agencies which govern child programs must be very picky, the media and the awareness of child crimes is such that no agency wants to take those unneeded risks.
Your best bet is to make good friend with parents who will allow you to spend time with their kids and develop a "relationship" of trust. Personally I get a few rug rats to "play" with all the time, only because my family and friends know that I am hyper protective of children and, lets face it, kids love me - even the ones who I never have met before will most usually be talkative and happy around me - I'm certain that it scares the willies out of mothers who, in store, find that their child is following around that "strange man" - happens too often for my liking.
David
Posts: 3935 | Location: Leaving land, heading for the ocean | Registered: 06-03-02
When you're raising a child, there are times when your personal freedom is seriously restricted.
-- you have concert tickets but your babysitter backs out at the last minute
-- you're depressed for some reason, and the kid wants you to go outside and play catch when all you want to do is spend time quietly indoors
-- you want to have a few drinks but you are alone with the child and need to be fully alert
-- you want to take a new, better job, but the shift work would make getting a babysitter tough
-- you are feeling irritable and the child just will not stop whining and pestering you to do something you don't feel like doing
-- the kid and his/her friends are making the most ungodly racket, and have ignored your requests, demands, and just plain yelling at them to quiet down; you can't read, you can't watch TV, you can't even think straight.
Granted all the parents you see have these experiences. They're a normal part of child-rearing. It's how they deal with these trying situations that determine if the parent is 'good' or not.
Unfortunately a lot of parents, in the above circumstances, would -- leave the kid with any neighbour who would agree to sit even if the neighbor is not known to them. Result: neglect, abuse, sex abuse -- clip the kid on the ear and tell him/her to go to his/her room. Result: angry child who will treat his/her kids the same -- take the job, worry about babysitters afterwards. Result: having to put up with substandard babysitting, having to take whoever you can get -- clip the kid on the ear and tell him/her to go to his/her room. Result: angry child who will treat his/her kids the same -- send the little b******s home and send your kid to his/her room. Result: angry child who will treat his/her kids the same
So you need to ask yourself whether you can consistently, day after day,
(1) put the child's welfare ahead of your own freedom and comfort, and (2) by unrelenting self-discipline, control your impulses, so that the child feels secure and safe at all times.
Otherwise you will raise another person who is angry, unmotivated, emotionally-damaged and therefore likely to have poor impulse control and tend toward substance abuse to medicate away his/her unhappiness. One needs to ask whether the world needs more such people.
Posts: 6391 | Location: British Columbia, Canada | Registered: 06-11-02
