Our neighbor is driving us crazy!!!

For over a year now, we have been the primary caregiver for her newborn son (now a year old). She shows no attachment for the kid except when it comes time to show him off and display what a good child he is (taking credit for OUR dedication, hard work and yes- LOVE).
She often gives him to us or has a sitter more than 4-5 times a week so she can go to the bars.
I think she has bathed this child about 3 times over the past year, whereas we bathe him about 10 times a week at a minimum.... Recently, he was bitten by the household dog while the dog was eating.

Well, you get the idea.

She also has an 8-year old daughter who she did not take custody of until the girl was 5 years old,opting to have the grandmother raise her. The girl cannot comprehend what she reads, she cannot do basic math and is developed far less than most 5-year olds I know. She wears clothes too small or out of fashion for her age, cannot manage to brush her hair or her teeth and seldom sleeps in her bed- her mother opting to let her kids fall asleep on the living room floor watching TV. Recently the mom was heard calling her daughter (and at times, referring to her daughter as) a "little b!tch".
The mother often allows her daughter to skip school and generally refuses to discipline.


I accept we have enabled part of this irresponsible behavior by accepting her son into our home and taking care of him.
And I certainly don't harbor a lot of love for Child Protection Services. I certainly don't like the idea of children being taken from their mother. The daughter's father is on the East Coast and the boy's father (her current husband) is a truck driver and only home 4 days a month. Even HE recognizes that we have done a great job raising his son - giving little to no credit to his wife.

Is this an issue for CPS? Is this a personal issue between the childrens' parents? Frankly, I would stop catering to her irresponsible behavior, except that I want what is best for the kids- and if we aren't watching him/them, then I firmly believe that the kids would stop developing completely- both emotionally and intellectually.

She is to defensive to listen to suggestion. She is too lazy to do the work an actual mother must do. Her self-esteem is low and she often looks to people and environments to give her a temporary lift to a much deeper problem. Her household finances are in ruin due to her partying and shopping sprees...

What course of action is best for those kids? I would take them in a heartbeat, but I'm not seeing that as an immediate option.
Is this a job for CPS?

Mr(believing children are the future)Sensitive

If it were me, I believe I would start out & have a talk with the lady's husband. From what you have discussed, the man is not blind to what is going on. Yet due to the nature of his employment, he is very limited on how he can deal with things. From my own personal experience the past couple of years, I can relate to his situation.

Now for the question...Is this a case for CPS??? It might very well appear that way. For the 5 year old girl's sake, at the very least I would sit down & have a discussion with a counselor on this one. As this girl goes on thru school, the teachers are going to pick up on her slow learning patterns. While it may not be a pretty situation things right now, it certainly ain't going to get any better to wait or do nothing.

Mr.S I can certainly see you have the kids best interest on this one. I hope everything works out.

I do believe this is a case for the CPS. Maybe it would be a short-term action with the CPS, because the Mom might just need a wake up call. Once the CPS steps in, she might straighten up and get her priorities straight. The CPS usually wants the kids to remain at home, so I don't believe she would lose them. The Dad needs to step in and see that the kids are okay, as well. He needs a wake up call, also. She probably loves her kids, but she's not satisfied with herself, and that causes her to not show love for the kids. I'm so glad that you have been there to show these kids love. So, if it doesn't get any better, YES, report her.

I really feel for you MrSensitive I have been down this road before. I'm not sure how CPS works where you live but here it takes a lot for them to get involved due to the fact that they have to many complaints and not enough people to handle all the calls. Here when you call you must tell your name and relation to the child they don't take anonymous calls, and unless the child is being beating it could take a month to six months before they investigate. An easier way might be going to the school the daughter goes to and talking to the social worker there, they are usually very helpful with these matters and are good with addressing the parents. Then if they see its necessary to call CPS they can do so and a call from a school social worker to the CPS is usually taken more seriously. Good Luck in whatever you decided to do.