Hi there. I have a problem I hope someone can help me with.
A little over five months ago, I got custody of a little boy. He's almost two years old now. He was removed from his home for neglect. He was very malnurished. The problem is, he stuffs so much food in his mouth at a time that he chokes. This happens at each and every mealtime. It doesn't matter what it is, half a sandwich, a whole piece of toast, whatever, it all goes in. We have tried cutting his food up but then he puts all the pieces in his mouth at once. If we only give it to him one piece at a time, he screams and screams and won't put it into his mouth at all. Our mealtimes have become so stressfull. We just don't know what to do. We have given it five months hoping he would learn from watching us but nope. Nothing has helped. Can anyone give me any ideas. It would be appreciated very much? ************************************************************** 07-30-02, 10:58 AM Sherasi Sagus and I have had issues with our boys also... my oldest has a feeding disorder related to his prematurity and the ventilators, etc.
You might try to use very soft mushy foods for a while. The child is terrified he will not have food for long and may be afraid of having it taken from him (who knows if food was placed in front of him and removed after a specific (short) amount of time when he was home). Serve everyone at the table the same way so that he sees everyone being fed the same way. Provide VERY small portions, you all eat it, and then you all get some more.
There is a huge risk of this child aspirating the food and that can lead to pneumonia and other serious respiratory problems.
This will be a VERY slow process. Reward this child when he takes a normal sized bite. Avoid "getting angry" or other similar behaviors he may view as threatening when he eats in this manner. Be matter of fact, "No, this is how we eat.. see?" If you have any questions or want to trouble shoot.. perhaps I can help. You can e-mail me if you wish.
07-30-02, 12:42 PM Wildflower63 Children with a history of abuse many times have psychological problems. I have had friends that have taken foster children into their homes with different, but similar type of problems that you are having. Even with animal studies, early abuse causes behavior abnormalities that are not always easy to cure. I would suggest getting psychiatric help for this boy.
Maybe you could try putting only very small portions on his plate at a time. Not enough to stuff in his mouth and choke on. Hopefully after a bit of time, he will learn to slow down while eating.
07-30-02, 01:07 PM Georgia85 I am so sorry for your predicament Twinhearts. This foster child of yours definately appears to have had a horrible past and I hope he can now find solace in your family. Sherasi hit the nail on the head when when mentioned the possibilty of him coming from a past where food was withdrawn or denied. So, you are now faced with the task of eradicating the past and creating a stable future. A difficult task but one you will have to face.
Definately be concerned with the possibility of choking. Soft foods will be a good start, especially foods he has to use a spoon to consume. Try mashed potatos, soups, apple sauce, yogurts,etc. They might not sound appealing to you but you're going to have to take baby steps with him. And as Sherasi also mentions, the rest of your family should be served the same portions as your child. This will show your child that there is no favoritism and you all are acting together as a family.
You might also consider making meal times a long family process. Try not to rush through meals and get the rest of the family involved in talking to each other about their days. If your foster child sees that meals are not rushed he may take the time to eat slower. I'm not sure about this but it's worth a try.
And one thing I can almost gurantee is to NOT make a fuss over his actions. Oh, definately keep an eye on him to make sure he does not choke, but for the most part eat along with everyone else and don't stand over him like a mother hen. Sometimes actions are used to get a result from someone. Once he see's you are not "paying attention" he might calm down some. (but of course you will paying attention to him)
Good luck - you're doing a great job! wink wink wink
07-30-02, 09:46 PM twinhearts Thanks for the great answers everyone!! I think it's just going to take some time. We always sit down at meals as a family, so hopefully he will begin to copy us. He is always watching my five year olds so I'm hoping they will rub off on him.
I will try to give everyone smaller portions equal to his. I had never thought of that. I am also going to try more soft foods. He hasn't been able to grasp the concept of silverware yet but we are working on it. I also agree on not getting angry with him. He has a very short temper and is always screaming, throwing things, or hitting if the least little thing doesn't go his way. We try to keep our cool and be matter of fact with him. No yelling back or anything like that. The poor guy has had enough of that. I guess I have to be reminded sometimes that it takes time. We see a little bit of progress everyday.He just needs lots of love and attention. Thanks again everyone!!
07-31-02, 11:08 PM Julia0802 Don't forget to have some juice, water, milk or whatever liquid he likes available. Tell him "have a little sip to help wash down your food" and teach him all over to "chew, chew, chew". This sound simple but he was probably never taught to chew. He's a lucky boy to be with people who care and can help reverse his path.
08-07-02, 05:01 PM one2trust/jittabuggrl it may just be his age ( almost two and half ) and not be because of his alleged neglect from the past. I have four children, and I can remember them all going thru the stuffing-it-in stage. but it didnt last long. He is almost two, he knows now he can feed himself, he knows what he likes the taste of, and he is enjoying eating. However, if you really truely think its related to his past, you might try telling him : " our home will never run out of food " , and its ok to take his time it will still be there for him. ( he's a toddler, but he can understand ). either way, try only putting very tiny portions at a time on his plate ( mouthful by mouthful ) and give him the next after he chews and swallows ( so he doesnt choke himself ) ; have him drink a little milk or juice imbetween mouthfuls also. I know its time consuming, but it will help him to realise he can eat slow and still have plenty to eat. Hope this has helped. http://www.geocities.com/jittabuggrl
08-05-03, 01:11 PM Sherasi Twinhearts, were you and your family able to help this young child become safer with eating? How is he doing now?
08-05-03, 03:03 PM DvdGStwrt There is a clear 'fear' over the lack of food.
I would suggest more meals of smaller portions. Instead of the accustomed 'Three meals a day' I would institute a 'six or more' healthy snacks a day program.
The thing you are fighting is his fear that this meal will be the last one for a long while.
With a 2 year old, no words will communicate to him that the 'bad' times are over. Thus you will need to communicate in ways that he will eventually come to understand.
Depending on how severe the starvation was may have a direct impact on the rest of his development. Obesity may become a 'fact of life' for him, not fully understanding that his drive to consume food is caused by a much earlier experience of having no food. hopefully though, you will be able to counter that previous negative programming with positive programming. I would advise strongly that you watch his further development with his relationship with food.
Some of the things that could happen to him may appear contradictory, such as bulimia, Anorexia. Having been there, done that myself, knowing full well what happened to me and even being able to understand that that period of my life is over, I still abused food in different ways. I developed a love hate relationship with and around food due to the heavy restrictions placed on me as a child.
There is a chance, although a small one that his relationship with food will be a rocky one.
Being two years old he has a black and white concept of the world. Since all of his experience tells him that 'food' is a rare commodity, you will need to over compensate and show him, demonstrate to him that there is more than enough food and that he is allowed to have it.
This is a dangerous territory you will be entering. As we all know too much food leads to bigger problems. So you will have no other choice but to limit his food intake to 'normal' levels. You will also have a problem with teaching him what is the right and wrong foods to eat.
Do not scold him if he eats fast, nor use 'scare tactics' like telling him he will choke if he eats to fast. I would also refrain from giving the impression (at this early stage in life) that there are 'bad' side effects to eating too much. These could turn around and bite you on the bud as he develops other fears related to food.
So again I suggest more 'meals' in the form of smaller snacks eaten more often. This reinforces that food is available, and also takes into account the bodies natural eating habits. Believe it or not we are 'grazers' It is more natural for humans to snack than it is to have three square meals a day. Our bodies are designed to burn fuel all the time, our stomachs are not fuel tanks that are supposed to be filled up three times a day, they are the first step in extracting energy from food.
Our eating habits have lead to society of over eaters. The number one cause of over eating is not that we put to much food on our plates, but because we 'nosh' between meals and have those three big meals as well. Victorians knew and understood the need to eat many smaller meals, thus all the teas and 'snacks' and the smaller 'big meals'.
Use this to your advantage, don't let him get hungry. Trust me on that, he may be getting hungry between meals and thus connecting hunger with starvation.
I would also have him present during food preparation times. I would also give him a bite and taste of the food as it being prepared. And who ever is preparing the food should also partake of the food in equal portions or less. If at all possible, sit him in his high chair at a safe distance from the stove and cutting board but close enough to see what is happening. Talk to him in a 'normal' voice, and explain in 'normal' (not baby talk) words what you are doing, why you are doing it. he may not understand all the words, but he will see that preparation of food is a 'slow' process and may come to equate that process with the need for slow eating.
2 year olds (all children in fact) learn from the behaviors of others. If they see a certain thing taking place they will file it away. If he sees that food is there and that both the parent and the child are allowed to eat and that nothing is being held back from him, he will, over time, come to understand that he will eat that he will not be denied food.
I would also suggest that the adults eat the same portions as he does. Children are not blind, he can see that there is more on your plate than his. He will not understand that since you are bigger that you need more food than he does. All he will see is that you are withholding from him, that you are eating more, thus you are starving him. Even though we know and understand that he could not eat adult portions, he will not.
A "trick" that may help is that you could serve up all the food in serving bowls, platters, etc. Presenting them on the table, and then as a group, take a small portion of each at a time, placing it on your plates, and placing the same amount (perhaps starting off with single mouthfuls) and then as a group eating and enjoying the food.
The adults will of course chew their food, he will have to wait until they swallow to get another bite as they do, served on the personal plate, and then repeating the process. This 'restricts' everyone to the same 'restrictions' that he has. thus the 'restriction' is not a personal punishment. It is the 'normal' treatment for everyone thus it is not a 'bad' thing.
It will not be easy, and I am certain that he will see all that food and start screaming wanting more. You will have to be strong, and stick with the program, making certain that he gets a clear idea that all that food is there and it does not have to be in his mouth at the same time.
As time wears on, the portions on the personal plates will increase - in step with his eating habits.
He should never, ever see another person eating and him not being offered any. This will only strengthen in his mind that he is being 'left out' of the eating process.
This may mean that the adults will have to get different meal times away from him, eating until their full after eating a 2 year's old sized meal with him.
As difficult as that may seem, there is no other way you can communicate with him the important concept that he will not be starved in your home.
David
08-06-03, 09:13 AM twinhearts Thanks for the concern and suggestions everyone.
Well, he is almost three now. We are in the process of adopting him. Not much longer now and he will be legally ours. In our hearts, he already is ours.
The problems with eating have resolved themselves. He no longer shoves the food in and chokes. We took the wait and see approach and it seems to have worked. Now if he would just use utensils, it would be great!
He has calmed down so much. When we first got him, he would cringe if you tried to hug him. Even when you picked him up he would stiffen. Now, he gives everyone hugs and kisses and loves to be held. He still has a very quick temper but I think it is just part of his personality.
He is such a wonderful addition to our family and we all love him to pieces!!
Twinhearts
08-06-03, 02:18 PM samantha I just read all of this Twin and its a heart breaking story....with such a great ending cause of you! Bless you Smile
08-06-03, 03:09 PM Sherasi wow.. Great!
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