If You Don't Understand the Democrats' Version of Tax Refunds, Maybe This Will Explain It Monday, January 08, 2007
About 50,000 people go to a baseball game, but the game was rained out, therefore a refund was then due.
The team was about to mail refunds when a group of Congressional Democrats stopped them and suggested that they send out the ticket refunds based on the Democrat National Committee's interpretation of fairness.
Originally the refunds were to be paid based on the price each person had paid for the tickets. Unfortunately that meant most of the refund money would be going to the ticket holders that had purchased the most expensive tickets.
This, according to the DNC, is considered totally unfair. A decision was then made to pay out the refunds in this manner:
People in the $10 seats will get back $15. After all, they have less money to spend on tickets to begin with. Call it an "Earned Income Ticket Credit." Persons "earn" it by having few skills, poor work habits, and low ambition, thus keeping them at entry-level wages.
People in the $25 seats will get back $25, because it "seems fair."
People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don't need a refund. After all, if they can afford a $50 ticket, they must not be paying enough taxes.
People in the $75 luxury box seats will each have to pay an additional $25 because it's the "right thing to do."
People walking past the stadium that couldn't afford to buy a ticket for the game each will get a $10 refund, even though they didn't pay anything for the tickets. They need the most help. Sometimes this is known as Affirmative Action.
Now do you understand?
If not, contact Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Sen. Teddy Kennedy, Sen. John Kerry, or Sen. Hillary Clinton for assistance.
The people in the $75 luxury box seats got their money back, free tickets to the next 5 games, free Direct TV in however many homes they own, and a limo ride to and from the games. They were also allowed to enter the stadium through a special gate, which would spare them the trouble of waiting in line. Along with that, they got a free golfing vacation to St. Andrews in Scotland, stock options to buy stock in Halliburton for 50% of its lowest price in the last ten years, and $500,000 tax-free cash. Anyone who could spell Iraq correctly (within 25% accuracy) also gets a Presidential Medal of Freedom.
The people in the $50 seats got their money back, free tickets to the 3 next games, and free Direct TV.
The people in the $25 seats got their money back and free tickets to the next game.
The people in the $10 seats got their money back, minus shipping and handling fees, and a re-stocking charge. They also got a notice that ticket prices were going up, starting with the next game.
The team didn't even notice the people walking past the stadium that couldn't afford to buy a ticket for the game.
Now do you understand?
If not, contact Randy "Duke" Cunningham, Tom Delay, Bob Ney, Jack Abramoff, or anyone in the White House. ********************* It's just humor.
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