telemarketers, and door to door salespeople? I get a fair number of them, sometimes a 1-800 number -when I ask " Who's there? I have this pause and then someone comes on and asks how I am doing today and then goes into their talk-My response often has been to simply hang up while they are talking and in the case of door to door I usually have an Archie Bunker response

I say "NO!" and slam the door



Does anyone have their own unigue way of handling these pests?

Fuse: Hello
Telemarketer: (pause, then) Good evening, sir, how are you?
Fuse: I am doing great! I am so glad you called.
TM: Really?
Fuse: Abso-friggin-lutely. Now, what can I do for you?
TM: Is Mr. Fuse there?
Fuse: Hold on, let me get him for you.
TM: OK

Fuse: (Fuse puts phone down on the sofa and raises his voice) Daddy?

At this point, wait for a full 60 seconds. The Mrs. goes nuts watching the phone on the sofa while I continue reading.

Fuse: Whew! Are you still there?
TM: Yes
Fuse: He's outside cleaning the gutters. Do you still want to speak with him?
TM: Yes.
Fuse: OK, it will be just a minute or so.
TM: Thank you.
Fuse: By the way, are you from around here?
TM: No, I am from India.
Fuse: Indiana? No kidding. How 'bout them Colts!
TM: No, I mean India, like the country.
Fuse: You're putting me on. Your English is perfect.
TM: Oh, heehee, thank you. I study very hard.
Fuse: So you're not a Colts fan?
TM: No, what is that?
Fuse: Because my dad would really like to buy something from you if you are a Colts fan. Ask him about Johnny Unitas and he will flip out!
TM: John the Baptist?
Fuse: No, Johnny U! Man, he loved that guy. Hey, wait, here he comes.

(lay phone back on sofa and speak in muffled voice...Dad, this guy calling you is a big Colts fan and he is from Indiana)

Fuse: (speaking in low, slow, grovely voice) Yyyyhhhello?
TM: Oh, yes, how are you tonight?
Fuse: I got a cut on my leg coming down the ladder for this phone call, so I had to wash it off and put a bandage on. Sorry that took so long.
TM: Oh, is no problem. So like Johnny You?
Fuse: Who?
TM: Silence
Fuse: Oh, Johnny U! Heck yea, he's better than that pansy Manning. What do you think?
TM: I dun know.
Fuse: Oh, I thought you were from Indiana.
TM: India.
Fuse: And what's your name?
TM: Mike
Fuse: Oh. I have never heard that name before.
TM: Really, it is Zahid.
Fuse: Now that sounds more like it. How are you, Zahid?
TM: Very good, thank you. I am calling to see if you want a Kiplinger newsletter.
Fuse: What is that?

(throw phone on sofa until you hear the blah blah blah stop)

Fuse: You know, that sounds like the finest thing on earth. How much did you say it was?
TM: $96 a year.
Fuse: For all that? Only $96 a year?
TM: Yes.
Fuse: Listen, it sounds so good I might want a dozen. How much would that be?
TM: I need to check with my supervisor, OK?
Fuse: Sure, anything for a Johnny U fan.
TM: (returns) Yes, my supervisor says for you we can do 12 for only $8 a month for each one.
Fuse: I can't do math. How much would that be for a year?
TM: For each one, $96.
Fuse: What? That's the same price as for one.
TM: Yes, I see.
Fuse: Then you guys don't really want to sell me this, do you?
TM: Yes, it would be my best order here.
Fuse: Do you sell any porn? Let me go check and see if there are any porn magazines we don't get.

(throw phone on sofa until the Mrs. picks it up to hang it up when she can stand looking at it no longer)

TM: But sir, the man was a crazy man. He wanted dozen magazines, and poren, too.

Supervisor: You called that men from North Carolina, didn't you? Doan do this.

TM: I will do this no more.

TM: Good afternoon, Missus Babthrower. And how are you this evening?

M.B. (quavery voice)Oh, how kind of you to ask. Well I have thuh Arthuritis real bad all this week. The doctor says there's not much more he can do for me.

TM: Oh, that's too bad. What I'm calling about...

M.B. And before that I had the, well I can't remember what it's called, but it's like a pain, and it starts in your one side of your head, you know? And then it moves on down, into your back, well kind of more your shoulder...

T.M. Yes, well I'm calling to ...

M.B. ... and when it's in your shoulder, it changes into more a stinging, and then you get the hiccups, I once had the hiccups for eight days straight, the doctor said I was at death's door, but then he pulled me through. I... (Gasp!! Choke!! Nasal little whine!!!) Help me, Nogood Boyo! Help me, Standby! ... Ahhhhhhggggggh!"

(Taps receiver on a wooden surface.)

Resumes watching TV or reading or Googling or posting on that damn forum site B is addicted to. Hangs up the phone when it stops making gabbling sounds.

Ever since we got caller ID it’s been much easier to avoid telemarketer calls. Every so often we’ll pick it up just for fun. My husband usually just tells them I’m not available and we’re not interested. We don’t get any product solicitations since we’re on the Do Not Call list, but we do still get charities and faux-charities because they are exempt. Mostly I find it’s people calling to convince me I gave them $35 last year and couldn’t I up that to $40? Considering I maintain a list of exactly how much I give to whom, I can pretty much always tell them where to go.

No one much comes to my door. Maybe it’s the pentacle. We get the little tiny Girl Scouts, though, and we give them money. We just don’t want their cookies.

When a Telemarketer calls I allow them to run through their spiel, I listen and do the right 'Uh-huh' now and then. Once they are fininshed I say words to this effect:

I know that this is your job, I know that you make money for each sell. I listened to you because I might, Might be interested. However having listened I know that I am not interested. To save you, me and anyone else who gets the list you are using, it would be best if you have your supervisor remove my name from the list. Now I have taken pains to jot down key words, such as the company you work for and the 1-800 number listed here on my Caller ID. Should I receive a phone call in future from that number or your company I will demand to speak to a supervisor not to buy anything but to build the data base so I can get a restraining order placed against your company. There is only one way to circumnavigate all of that legal process and that is for you to pick up a pencil or pen and to jot down next to my number and name that my number and name should be removed from that list immediately.

Thank you and good night (day/morning/afternoon) - and then I hang up.

At the door people I will listen to, smile nicely and then explain to them that I do not buy things at my front door with the exception of girl scout cookies and what children sell from their schools/clubs in order for them to take trips far, far away so I do not have to see them for a duration of time that they are away on a field trip, camping or what ever interesting place they are raising money for.

I do not buy brushes, vacuum cleaners, shoes, patio covers, pool equipment or __________ (what ever they are selling) from a person who comes to my front door. I actually do enjoy the process of leaving my own home to go to a designated place of business to purchase those things I require or desire.

Now they are more than welcomed to come back for a friendly visit, however they should not bother to stop by to do business with me for I will never, ever buy what they are selling at my front door. I usually end up asking them nicely to inform their boss/supervisor company to please insure that this mistake is not made again by informing whoever has the route that includes my home to not bother stopping by except for a friendly visit.

I'm exhausted just reading through all the work you do to get rid of telemarketers David. I usually just ask them for their home phone number, so that I can call them back. Try asking them really personal questions, and it seems that they suddenly lose interest.

Gee, Dancer, it's been my experience that when you ask them really, really personal questions, their interest increases!

I guess I am lucky. I have 2 lines with roll over. If the first line is busy, it rolls over to an unlisted second (fax) line.

When I get a call like that, I quietly set the phone down and let them talk away wasting their time and not mine.

By doing that, I am keeping him/her busy so thay can't bother someone else for a while.

The ones I hate are the ones that are not there when you answer. These are computer generated calls checking to see if you are home. When you answer, they transfer the call to the next available operator. If none is available, it hangs up and I wouldn't doubt it that it remembers what time you answered and calls back the next day.

You, at least I, have to answer the call, it may be an emergency. These TMs are an invation of my privacy. I PAY for the phone for MY personal use not for you to call me for some sales pitch. If I want you, I will call you.

The one thing we all have to do is keep TMs away from the cell phone business. Once they get in there all hope is gone. I for one am dropping my landline after I retire and just use me cell phone.

Soap box put away.

Thank you for listening.

I just say one minute I'll get my mother. So then I start yelling for 'her'...... It's fun to invent all different things for 'her' to do.... Just the other day it took 'her' 10 minutes to brush her teeth..... At least in the US there is a no call list.

Oh yea, and sometimes I like to play the dumb American who barely speaks a word of Hebrew. I do my best (or shall I say worst) American accent when speaking Hebrew. and I proceed to tell them again and again and again to speak slower.... why is it that everyone talks so fast?