Conscious as ever that the world's media don't report the really important and newsworthy events in Britain, I thought I'd give you a few stories you're likely to have missed
1) A survey here showed that one in ten British men thought chlamydia was a flower (Well, thrush is a kind of bird, isn't it, and as for crabs...?)
2) A woman was pleased when her cake was awarded second prize in a village baking competition. She was less pleased to discover that hers was the only entry in that class.(One of the organisers consolingly reflected that, years ago, she herself had won third prize when hers was the only entry )
3) All our national papers reported that a Norwegian Forest cat called Captain Podge had been in the habit of disappearing from home. When he went missing for five days his anxious owner feared the worst but she found him and took him home again by car. Ever since then the cat has disappeared every day, only to reappear at the exact same spot at the exact same time, awaiting his lift home The owner reports that, if it's raining, the cat appears from the shelter of an adjacent hedge. This kitty taxi service been going on for five months now. The car the owner uses is sometimes her Ford but often she takes her Maserati(Who says the English aren't daft about animals?)
4) Puma brand trainers here are now being sold in boxes labelled 'Average contents: two' (We thinkyou get the average for the average price of one,as well)
5)The chairman of an organisation has declared that our children are not being exposed to nearly enough risks. Bringing them up as though keeping them wrapped in cotton wool [absorbent cotton] is bad for their development."The occasional twisted ankle or grazed knee" should be part of everyday growing up. The speaker, the happily named Mr Mullarkey,was speaking as the head of The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents
6) British weather can be bad now but...a tagged wild hooded seal from the Orkney Islands off the north of Scotland was found off the coast of Morocco, north Africa. He was retrieved and taken back to the islands. Next the scientists knew, he turned up again off the coast of Spain. He'd fooled them this time by setting off northwards towards the Arctic Circle but done a smart U-turn and headed south. The scientists have named him Sahara because of his Morocco adventure "I'm really quite proud of him" said Tamara Cooper of the National Seal Sanctuary in South West England( before sending him to the Orkneys again) He's only doing what every Briton wants to do at this time of year
7) The government has only just been forced to admit that 9,000 illegal immigrants were being employed by security firms, some on behalf of the government.This was known to the government back in July.Asked to explain this secrecy, the minister responsible said that there was no need to tell anyone of this because the government had been dealing with it (That wins this week's Nice Try Award )
Nice one Fred. Reading such a catalogue of Britishness, I think the ability of the Brits to laugh at our own stupidity is very much restricted to ahem, the Brits, of which I am obviously one. And proud of it. Love and peace
Posts: 19 | Location: United Kingdom | Registered: 12-03-07
Only just seen this (actually I was trawling for posts by Zenobia, who seems very interesting) and thoroughly enjoyed it, Fred.
Now you, as a legal eagle may confirm or refute my addition to this thread (I hope for the former but, as a pragmatic realist would still appreciate the latter) so here goes:
About 30-35 years ago, I read in the paper about a taxi driver in the region of Hyde Park being asked to stop by a uniformed policeman in his patrol car. Our driver did as requested, and the policeman asked him to get out of the car, which he did. "You have no fare-paying passenger in your cab," said the copper. "No," replied the driver, with a faint feeling of puzzlement. "And," added the torch bearer of the law, getting into his stride, "you have a luggage rack on the roof of your cab."
Beginning to wonder if the officer was actually of sound mind, our cabbie was nevertheless forced to agree that, yes, this was indeed the situation, accurately apprehended and exactly as stated. "As an individual receiving payment from the general public for personal transport, if you have no fare-paying passenger in your cab, but you do have a roof rack, then you must carry a bail of hay in it, whilst moving. This is a legal requirement," said our Guardian of Justice. As I recall, our cabbie was allowed to go free, with a verbal caution as to his future conduct.
I wonder, does this go back to the days of horses & carriages, and care of the latter, or is it a piece of journalistic nonsense? I know you will reveal all, Fred, & I look forward with great interest to your comments. Ritz
Posts: 3406 | Location: Marple Cheshire UK | Registered: 06-04-02
The 'bale of hay rule' is one of the myths concerning London taxi cabs.The Hackney Carriage Acts (there have been several on the subject, collectively so named) date back over a very long period.They have been updated from time to time. The present version makes no reference to bales of hay. Thirty or so years ago would be c 1970. When I started, about that time, the law did not require a bale of hay in, or on a cab.(One of the little jobs that youngsters were given was the prosecution of offending cab drivers, so we had to study the rule book and laws relating to the subject) The law did once, when horsedrawn cabs were still commonplace.It still provides strict regulation of the design of the taxi, which is why the modern 'black cab' is so distinctive.The design rules have been updated.So they currently stipulate the provision of wheelchair access, with the requirement, inter alia, that the cab have a ramp kept in the boot for this purpose.The cabs have a clear space and straps for the wheelchair. It may be that the design rules do not allow a roofrack , not by specifically banning one but by the provision not being included in the approved design. 'Black cabs' are no longer required to be black and for decades have been allowed to have adverts on the sides.
The only 'odd' rule governing cab drivers, and which I'm pretty sure is still in force, is that it's an offence for them to drive very slowly when the cab is empty of fares. It's a rule aimed at stopping them crawling along to save fuel while touting for business and dates back to wartime, but I don't think it's ever been removed from the legislation.
Originally posted by Leppi: When I first read this, I thought you were posting about urban legends that "happpened" in your area. But apparenly there stories are true??
Yes, Leppi, they are. Strange place, Britain, and British people do see things differently from others!There's always a logical explanation,but not one that makes sense to non-Britons For example, the second place to the only cake in the contest was explained by the 'logic' that only a cake that was exceptionally good would win in a contest of many cakes. This cake was only of the standard of a cake that would normally finish second so......
Oh yes. Here in Worcester last autumn, the council fenced off the pear trees in the park, posting notices: 'Danger! Beware of falling Pears.' Now that's strange, but so-o-o British... Love and peace
Posts: 19 | Location: United Kingdom | Registered: 12-03-07
A patriotic pensioner has been issued with an Asbo (Anti-Social Behaviour Order) for playing his Vera Lynn records too loudly. George Large, 66, was handed the court order after neighbours complained about the constant repetition of Forces favourites There'll Be Bluebirds Over (The White Cliffs of Dover) and We'll Meet Again. He has been banned from playing the music for two years. Residents in the vicinity of Mr Large's flat in Catford, south London, made a string of complaints about the noise over 10 years and police eventually took the retired print worker to court. Greenwich magistrates agreed to the order after hearing evidence of Mr Large's antics, including alleged abuse of neighbours. Mr Large said: "Letters have been distributed to every door in this street, which makes my name mud. Apart from this, I have got a clean record."
It could only happen here... Love and peace
Posts: 19 | Location: United Kingdom | Registered: 12-03-07
Well, if he plays it everyday, it will be... Moreover, re-reading the above, I can only assume that although his record is clean, on the other hand there is a lot of mud at Large
Posts: 3406 | Location: Marple Cheshire UK | Registered: 06-04-02
What you might call a mudlark... Gosh, now there's a blast from the past: anyone remember them? And, off at yet another tangent, does anyone recall who sang this: 'Mud, mud, glorious mud Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood So follow me, follow down to the hollow and together we'll wallow in glorious mud.' Love and peace
Posts: 19 | Location: United Kingdom | Registered: 12-03-07
Hello Fred Thank you for that. I only remember it by Ian Wallace, a singer whose moon-face filled the black-and-white TV set in our neighbour's front room (in the days before we had a television:in fact in the days before we had electricity.I was 27 at the time .) The one song I do recall by Flanders and Swann, which even at such a young age I thought was remarkably witty, was the one about the '97hp Omnibus' Hold very tight please! Love and peace
Posts: 19 | Location: United Kingdom | Registered: 12-03-07
Ian Wallace is actually right, if you want the first singer who had a hit with it, I believe. And he was a member of the panel of 'My Word' at one time was he not, along with Nancy Spain & Frank Muir & Dennis Norden...or am I screwing up two completely different panel games here??? Help!
Posts: 3406 | Location: Marple Cheshire UK | Registered: 06-04-02
Aha! I have just checked, and I am indeed confusing two programmes. Frank Muir and John Amis competed with Ian Wallace and Denis Norden in 'My Music '. I think I am correct, though, about Nancy Spain, et al. ...there are some ancient old limeys at AP, are there not... Zenobia! For your nostalgic delight! .
Posts: 3406 | Location: Marple Cheshire UK | Registered: 06-04-02
"My Word" was very clever: In the final round, each team was asked to give the origin of a famous phrase or quotation. Once the answers were given, Muir and Norden were invited to explain the "real" origin of their respective teams' phrases; each proceeded to weave a shaggy dog story leading up to an outrageous pun upon his phrase:
One notable example of a tale that did purport to explain the phrase's origin told of René Descartes at a New Year party hastily scribbling a note to warn a friend that he'd started on the buffet snacks too early: I THINK THEY'RE FOR 1 AM.
"The game is not worth the candle" gave Muir the chance to tell the story of "The gay Miss Knotworthy-Kendall".
A similar line was "The gay Miss Harp" for "The game is up". (Note Muir's tendency to use "harp" for "up".)
"You can't have your cake and eat it too" inspired Denis Norden to tell of the perils of representing yourself in court after a late lunch - "You can't advocate and eat at two".
Further to dg's comment above, & just to clarify (in case anyone reading her post may on the off chance be slightly confused) early in the contest between the two teams, Jack Longland, the chairman would ask for the real origin of a famous phrase. The two teams would have a go in identifying it, and then would proceed to the next round, and so on. At the end of the contest the final round was that each team had to give, as dg states above the 'real' origin. This meant that whilst actually answering all of the intervening questions the two members (Muir & Norden) had to construct a bizarre and humorous, often totally surreal, version of the phrase in question.
One memorable one involved the phrase, "A rose-red city, half as old as Time."
I shall just take a detour here to say that I have the original poem in its entirety. It is by Dean John William Burgon, and until recently was virtually impossible to find. My hard-backed book must be around 150 years old, and cost me a small fortune! Don't bother, it is a tedious & tortuous read in my humble opinion. Nevertheless, thanks to the web you can now find it here...
Muir described how a woman's husband, Arthur, who knew nothing at all about gardening was at his front gate one day. A woman passing by, asked him if he had any cooking herbs he could sell her. His wife had been (unbeknown to him) cultivating a dog rose for a show and she had grown so fond of this dog rose that she gave it the name of a breed of an actual dog, a red setter. Thinking that this flower was a herb he sold it to the woman (which just goes to show that, in fact she was even dafter than Arthur).... hence... . . . You'll really hate this... . . "A rose-red setter, Arthur sold as thyme"... . .
Posts: 3406 | Location: Marple Cheshire UK | Registered: 06-04-02
)
The owner reports that, if it's raining, the cat appears from the shelter of an adjacent hedge. This kitty taxi service been going on for five months now. The car the owner uses is sometimes her Ford but often she takes her Maserati(Who says the English aren't daft about animals?)
Ritz
Thirty or so years ago would be c 1970. When I started, about that time, the law did not require a bale of hay in, or on a cab.(One of the little jobs that youngsters were given was the prosecution of offending cab drivers, so we had to study the rule book and laws relating to the subject) The law did once, when horsedrawn cabs were still commonplace.It still provides strict regulation of the design of the taxi, which is why the modern 'black cab' is so distinctive.The design rules have been updated.So they currently stipulate the provision of wheelchair access, with the requirement, inter alia, that the cab have a ramp kept in the boot for this purpose.The cabs have a clear space and straps for the wheelchair. It may be that the design rules do not allow a roofrack , not by specifically banning one but by the provision not being included in the approved design. 'Black cabs' are no longer required to be black and for decades have been allowed to have adverts on the sides.
