Pigeon news (1)David Batchelor was fined £150 in Perth, Scotland, for feeding pigeons while wearing only a thong back-to-front
Pub news (1) A change from the uplifting mottos seen in traditional pubs: The Red Lion, Alnwick, Northumberland has put this up: "Teenagers! Tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? Act now!!! Move out, get a job, pay your own bills, while you still know everything" [That's why we allow teens to drink in pubs: it's educational ]
Building: A leading builder, one of Britain's biggest, has announced a ban on wolf-whistling, saying the tradition was outdated and a distraction for young househunters. George Wimpey and Co outlawed the custom for fear of putting off buyers visiting sites.
Collecting: A collector of toy trains has paid £3,400/ $6,800 for an empty box. The cardboard container for an early 1960s Hornby Dublo Pullman train set was sold at auction to an anonymous English buyer. (Another collector paid £18,000 / $36,000 for a model of a traffic tank engine, a record for a Hornby Dublo piece).
Travel: A soccer- mad daughter of Earl Spencer ordered a taxi to take her and a friend from Althorp, Northamptonshire,to Stamford Bridge, the stadium of Chelsea, a top soccer team in London, for a big game. London is 85 miles south. The driver took them to Stamford Bridge, a tiny village in Yorkshire, 150 miles north. The taxi company said they'd logged it as 'Stamford Bridge' for the satnav and the driver had taken the first option it gave.(Unfortunately, when he got there he'd asked a villager where the stadium was, an enquiry which does not bespeak of the greatest intellect )
Prejudice:Researchers discovered that anyone speaking with the accent of Birmingham (the second biggest city) was viewed most negatively by their fellow Britons.In a series of experiments, even a control group who said nothing at all were perceived by observers as 'more intelligent' than those speaking with a Birmingham accent. Yorkshire people came top in perceived intelligence (and they know there are two places called Stamford Bridge )
Crime (1) Lance Jeffries, 73, of Stevenage, Hertfordshire, has stuck his last two garden gnomes on to the roof of his house after 18 gnomes vanished from his garden over a few months [Stevenage is so behind the times. 'Gnome liberation' was all the rage in the 1970s Britain but there is still a splinter group of the Gnome Liberation Front in France ]
Pigeon news (2) Alan McDonald of Edinburgh gave his pigeon the 'kiss of life' after it nearly died of smoke inhalation in a fire.He said " If the smoke doesn't kill the bird then the shock of the ordeal may" (Alan, you're too modest. That's one bird who won't think being kissed by you, an ordeal)
Athletics: Marathon runners from the Masai people of Kenya, due to run in a charity race, have been supplied with free underpants by M &S national store chain. A spokeswoman explained "They don't normally wear anything under their tribal garments and running around London, their nether regions may be exposed" [So, no Scotsmen are expected, then ?]
Pub news(2): The son of a pensioner has put a notice in the local post office, advertising for someone to take his father, Jack Hammond,88, to the pub twice a week at a rate of £7 an hour plus expenses. Mike Hammond said that his father had found a good local pub, the Compass Inn in Winsor,Hampshire, since moving to the area but "It's a bit difficult at his age to go out to a pub on your own". So far 4 candidates have responded. They are expected to enjoy golf, feign an interest in Preston North End soccer team, and take a lively interest in Mr Hammond's past career in the power industry.
Sex change: A transexual truck driver has won damages ,to be assessed,for sexual discrimination at work.He claimed that he'd been taunted by other drivers when he arrived at work wearing make up and dressed as a woman. The tribunal ruled on the basis that he had had shifts cancelled when he had dropped his old name of Mike and arrived so attired.
Military: The Royal Air Force has just launched a line of diamante bikinis as part of its Spring range. In RAF colours , the top is £20 and the bottom £15: RAF
Gun control: An old people's home in Staffordshire was evacuated so police could tackle a pensioner who was racing up and down corridors on his mobility scooter [buggy] while wearing a cowboy hat and brandishing a toy gun.
Crime (2) Vicars across Britain are asked to send samples of lead from their church roofs so that scientists can create a "DNA" database of each. Lead on church roofs is a prime target for thieves now because of its scrap value. The database will help police link suspects to the crime scenes
Drinking: A scientific study by the University of Northumberland shows that binge drinking affects the memory of teenagers! After a drinking session teenagers given instructions such as 'Go to the shop and buy a toothbrush' failed to remember to do so, even three days after the binge .
Bird news:At his old home, Barney, the cursing parrot, told the mayoress to 'go away' (but not in those words) and used other 'Anglo Saxon' language on a vicar and two police officers.Unfortunately, he now lives in a bird sanctuary where he has been teaching other birds to use the same words.He picked up the bad language from his previous owner and is now spreading the word (as it were).Its boss, Geoff Grewcock [ yes, that is his name] says Barney has passed the language to African Greys, Sam and Charlie, with whom he shares a cage. "They just sit there swearing at each other now. We have another African Grey, Sunny, who squawks 'Shut up!' at them when the swearing starts, but they don't take any notice. These birds can live to 70, so there's potentially another 60 years of this to contend with"
And finally, just for dancegirl, it's something from Anaesthesia News, April edition. Drs Lewis D Gray, STI in Anaesthetics and Stuart Gold, Consultant Anaesthetist, Derby report:
A 38 year old man required elective removal of a surgical nail from his LEFT leg. Identification and procedure bands were provided and the appropriate side marked prior to surgery.
In the anaesthetic room it was noted that the patient had a permanent tattoo spelling RIGHT across the back of his LEFT ankle."Pre-operation discussion, examination, and X-ray interpretation ensured that the operation was carried out on the correct limb", note the authors,adding "In the current climate of patient safety and risk reduction in limb surgery, it is surprising to find that patients can make identification of the correct limb more difficult than usual "
No, you miss the point .That one is for wearing on the head after dinners drinking sessions in the officers' mess.It's an RAF tradition (and a mild one, at that)
Originally posted by FredPuli: No, you miss the point .That one is for wearing on the head after dinners drinking sessions in the officers' mess.It's an RAF tradition (and a mild one, at that)
I'll have you know that my brother-in-law is a Wing Commander in the RAF, and your statemnent is, from what I have seen, probably completely accurate.
btw..notice how DG went straight to the link to the women's underwear and swimwear.
You always give us the best stories, Fred, although I notice a lot of them are about birds. You aren't a pigeon fancier, are you? However...
quote:
Originally posted by FredPuli: And finally, just for dancegirl, it's something from Anaesthesia News, April edition. Drs Lewis D Gray, STI in Anaesthetics and Stuart Gold, Consultant Anaesthetist, Derby report:
A 38 year old man required elective removal of a surgical nail from his LEFT leg. Identification and procedure bands were provided and the appropriate side marked prior to surgery.
In the anaesthetic room it was noted that the patient had a permanent tattoo spelling RIGHT across the back of his LEFT ankle."Pre-operation discussion, examination, and X-ray interpretation ensured that the operation was carried out on the correct limb", note the authors,adding "In the current climate of patient safety and risk reduction in limb surgery, it is surprising to find that patients can make identification of the correct limb more difficult than usual "
That's what you kept me in suspense for? That's what you scavenged around in the train to find, when you were cleaning the carriage, and nibbling on dropped popudums?
Well, dg, you could have had Anaesthesia News other big story. " At a recent anaeshetic assessment for surgery a health support worker told us the patient was allergic to the colour red and so could not have a red patient i.d. band attached. He would 'risk' a white band with red writing provided it was not in direct contact with the skin"
And I also omitted, as too dull (and fatally explicable by a valid and serious explanation):
The news that National Health Service may provide up to about half a million people with 'anti snoring masks'.[The 'masks' blow air into the users' airways , a cost effective treatment for sleep apnoea, a condition which causes poor sleep and constant wakening as well as snoring. Sufferers have been shown to be 7 to 12 times more likely than normal sleepers to have road accidents ]
and..
More birds, did you say? Of course. A radio station here is playing nothing but a continuous tape of birdsong recorded twenty years ago in the station owner's garden. The station had gone bust broadcasting its normal programmes but the owner, who has several stations, has kept it on air and renamed it 'Birdsong'.The 'programme' has attracted a great following and national news coverage[ Sadly,his reasoning is probably the entirely unromantic one that he wants to keep the digital frequency open to him pending his establishing a new station on it, but for the time being it's the only non-BBC station with no advertising and entirely consistent programming ]
Originally posted by dance girl: Can't you pilfer a more 'normal' men's magazine next time? Anaesthesia News is not something you should be showing off about getting for free.
I'm looking out for Inky Finger "the magazine for members of the inkwell collectors club".The whole must be a code for something of interest to men... Apparently it has pieces on pump action inkwells.
Fred, I was going to reply with my usual innuendo...something along the lines of dipping nibs etc. But I won't, and I expect you are wondering why, aren't you? Well, I have received a sign that I need to change my ways. I just got in from work, and tonight on the "For Sale" table at the library, I found "Amy Vanderbilt's Complete book of Etiquette."(1952). I am reading the part on how I should behave in public, and have decided to become virtuous. It cost a dollar, btw, except I didn't pay for it yet
dg, what 'usual innuendo' ? I've never noticed any such thing in your posts. I think you are pulling my leg.
Etiquette? Don't know about that (as friends here will testify) but do know that books written many years ago are being reprinted. And there's a surprising market for modern guides to formality.You and I know the correct modes of address, by letter and in person, to a suffragan and to a diocesan bishop but some people don't
Originally posted by FredPuli: dg, what 'usual innuendo' ? I've never noticed any such thing in your posts. I think you are pulling my leg.
Well, one can't be too careful.
No, I don't know the correct modes of address in such situations. So I have decided to stay in the house until I finish the book, just in case I make a social faux pas. In the meantime, I am experimenting with name changes
No. THE DG wouldnt let me be just "dg"....maybe he thought people would get confused. I suggested he change HIS name..but apparently he didn't go for it.
I didn't like dance girl anymore, and it was driving me nuts.
Originally posted by dg, Ontario, Canada: No. THE DG wouldnt let me be just "dg"....maybe he thought people would get confused. I suggested he change HIS name..but apparently he didn't go for it.
Wow, DG is case sensitive !
But why 'dg,Ontario, Canada' ? How many Ontarios does the Director General think there are? 'Antibes,S. France', is necessary in case someone hasn't heard of Antibes (unlikely, I know) and there are lots of Newmarkets (most, it is true, in Britain because one of our kings decided to create lots of new markets because he would get the money for 'licensing' them) but Ontario, Canada ?
* Ontario, California, USA * Ontario, Illinois, USA * Ontarioville, Illinois, USA * Ontario, Indiana, USA * Ontario, Iowa, USA * Ontario, Kansas, USA * Ontario County, New York, USA o Ontario, New York, USA o Ontario on the Lake, New York, USA
* Ontario, Ohio, USA * Ontario, Oklahoma, USA * Ontario, Oregon, USA * Ontario, Pennsylvania, USA * Ontario, Virginia, USA * Ontario, Wisconsin, USA
and * Ontario Village, Belize
Posts: 17200 | Location: Lincoln Place, Granite City, IL, USA | Registered: 06-03-02
All DG's 'Ontarios' are in the US. They don't count! He'll be demanding other foreigners put 'London, UK' or 'Paris, France' next.
Hang on...now I come to think of it, Americans do talk of 'Paris, France' as though some place in Texas or Missouri et al. would ever be thought of. So parochial, these people. They even say 'London, England' sometimes
Wonder what the Dear General makes of 'London,Ontario'? That must make for a lot of permutations
PS ' falling off the pole' dg (Ontario, Canada)? It's a good job neither of us uses innuendo !
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Apparently it has pieces on pump action inkwells.
