quote:

Originally posted by dg:
Have you been digging again, Fred?

Are you Mole Man?

Do you mind? !!

He lives in Hackney ! As if...

That's one story I can now take off my cuttings pile. Best bestir myself and submit an update with some of the rest of the past days serious news.

quote:

Originally posted by FredPuli:

Do you mind? !!

He lives in Hackney ! As if...

Snob!
Have a wonderful weekend. It's going to be 23c here tomorrow, so I'm in a happy mood.

quote:

That's one story I can now take off my cuttings pile. Best bestir myself and submit an update with some of the rest of the past days serious news.

Fred, we're still waiting....
(and you thought I wasn't paying any attention)

quote:

Originally posted by roogalator:

quote:

That's one story I can now take off my cuttings pile. Best bestir myself and submit an update with some of the rest of the past days serious news.

Fred, we're still waiting....
(and you thought I wasn't paying any attention)

The update was on the same day as the above, at just after 10pm, the above being at 7:54pm. on the 18th of April. Another was on May the 6th. That one attracted no replies whatsoever ["UK news headlines update"] and 19 views. Where were you? Do pay attention please !

My bad.

One for Fred How about the Serial Drink Driver who turned up at the Blackburn Probation office clutching a Pint of lager

What a Nit!

And Whats the betting He'll carry on afterwards?

The Law should be that there is a Mandatory Life Driving Ban on 3 strike offenders who break bans and a Life sentence inside if they Break that. Its the only way

Bedstor, he's a mere beginner. I once had a case where the drunk driver's car was impounded at the police station after his being charged with drink-drive and he was then allowed to go home. He didn't. What he did was get into the yard somehow, remove a spare ignition key he kept taped under the car for emergencies, open the gate and drive off. He was, of course, stopped by police only a few metres down the road, still over the drink limit ! So he then had two offences of drink-drive within an hour !

Sheer genius. If he hadn't been drunk he'd have thought better of it

A colleague had more than one instance of a drunk driver stopping at a police station to ask directions to the address of the party he was going to. You can imagine what happened as soon as they spoke to the desk sergeant.

quote:

Posted 05-24-08 01:51 PM Hide Post
Bedstor, he's a mere beginner. I once had a case where the drunk driver's car was impounded at the police station after his being charged with drink-drive and he was then allowed to go home. He didn't. What he did was get into the yard somehow, remove a spare ignition key he kept taped under the car for emergencies, open the gate and drive off. He was, of course, stopped by police only a few metres down the road, still over the drink limit ! So he then had two offences of drink-drive within an hour !

Sheer genius. If he hadn't been drunk he'd have thought better of it Big Grin

A colleague had more than one instance of a drunk driver stopping at a police station to ask directions to the address of the party he was going to. You can imagine what happened as soon as they spoke to the desk sergeant.

Now that's funny and not just specific to England, although slightly less we do have our idiots in Canada as well.

Bye the way Fred, speaking of idiots dg asked me to ask you, can you come into AP chat sometime? We would all like to swap some stories with you and what not.
An added benefit is dancegirls's wacky yet consistent typos.

http://answerpoolchat.com

Just a couple of stories, from today's papers, which might be 'only in England' stories.

A local council spent the equivalent of $2 million protecting rare newts on a development site. Leicestershire County Council delayed work on a bypass road on the advice of 'environment experts' The newts were said to be greated crested newts, a protected species. The only newts there were common newts.Councillor David Parsons said " I'm not happy that we've gone £1 million over budget and then found no great crested newts". ( Note by Fred 'Amphibian'Puli:Any countryman could have told these 'experts' that the male common newt has a crest in the breeding season, as does the male great crested,but ignorant townees get very excited on seeing this and rush off to report the sighting of a 'rarity' )

A couple gave warnings to the public because their 'dangerous animal' had escaped.This was their pet tortoise.It turns out that their pet has been known to bite unsuspecting children.Surely 'bite'is a bit high: more likely a dangerous suck! It was found 50 metres from home, in a neighbouring garden.Dear me!

This is definitely 'there will always be an England' ! The BBC radio news has just reported that a concerned member of the public called firefighters to tackle a building fire at an apartment block in Devon. When they got there they found that the occupants were having a barbeque inside their apartment because it was raining outside Be fair! It rains quite often in an English summer

There was no house fire, but there was a lot of smoke

Missed that one Fred

Yobs upset over ban on drinking on "the tube."

the last hurrah eh wot?

quote:

Originally posted by roogalator:
Yobs upset over ban on drinking on "the tube."

the last hurrah eh wot?

Roog, you really must learn how English people speak 'The last hurrah, eh wot?' Get dg to give you lessons. No, better not, she'll tell you to P*** Off (which is how a real English lady speaks)

Anyhow, this drinking on the tube was not what it had been.As Londoners will tell you 'service on this line can be slow' True.On Friday, I went twenty minutes between King's Cross and Fulham Broadway without anyone offering me a dish of olives

Life is difficult among the great unwashed, Fred. Best to take the Bentley.

Breaking news!

The Marine Fisheries Agency is renamed 'The Marine and Fisheries Agency' reports Shellfish News.

Ever keen to double check sources, I find it's true !

" One of the most notable changes to the Agency is the change of name" states HM government's MFA website. Only one of the most notable ? Life must be exciting in fisheries (note:'in fisheries' not 'in fishnet', when it could be )

Here's the story:

Fishnets

[Foreign papers please copy]

quote:

Roog, you really must learn how English people speak

Let me try again Fred.

'ows it goin' guvnah?

Perhaps a little more authentic?

quote:

Originally posted by roogalator:

quote:

Roog, you really must learn how English people speak

'ows it goin' guvnah?

By George, I think she's he's got it!

Londoners would think you a very old man if you said 'guvnah' Less ancient ones say 'guv' when being polite (the neutral or less polite is 'mate'). As soon as a hailed cab pulls up it's "Where to,Guv?". That precise wording must in the Knowledge, the exams London cabbies take, for they all say it.

Blimey, I'll keep that in mind guv.

quote:

Originally posted by roogalator:
Blimey, I'll keep that in mind guv.

Cool.

___ From The Gloucester Citizen: ___
'A sex line caller complained to Trading Standards. After dialing an 0891 number from an advertisement entitled "Hear Me Moan" the caller was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around the house. Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the complaint, saying, "He got what he deserved."