And this past week:
Police and RSPCA officials rushed to reports of an alligator on the loose in Bristol. A member of the public dialled 999 to say that there was what looked to be an escaped cayman with feathers between its teeth. Roads were closed while officers staked out the animal in the bushes of a front garden for half an hour. It remained still. They zoomed in on it with a camera lens and found it was a 2 foot stuffed toy.
A Glasgow funeral director dismissed for driving a hearse 'recklessly' was awarded £30,000 by an employment tribunal when the tribunal found his employers defined 'recklessly' as driving at 7 mph. Managers at Co-Op Funeral Care had objected because his vehicle's tyres squealed on their concrete floor.
West Midland Police have appealed for witnesses because someone has stolen one of their police dogs. Dog Xamm had just joined the police dog training programme when taken by thieves from a garden in Stourbridge. A spokesman said that it was not known whether the thieves knew the dog was a police dog. (The dog was in plain clothes at the time )
A woman has accidentally stabbed herself in the foot with a 36 inch sword while performing a pagan good luck ritual in a cemetery in Ravenshead at night.
Vets' staff in Salisbury thought that someone had stolen £40 from their surgery but called off police when they found that their veterinary practice's own dog had eaten the money
Surprising reply of the week: " Dear Mr Walker, We shall deal with your request as promptly as possible,at the latest within 20 working days " Mr Walker had asked the BBC what percentage of the BBC's income from TV licences is spent by BBC employees, each year, on illegal drugs
Elfin Safety (Hurrah!) This week's Health and Safety concern: BBC bosses have stopped Lyce Doucet from riding a Vespa 125c scooter to record an item for the World Service Newshour because they thought it was too dangerous . (She is their award winning front line War Correspondent.
Perhaps she should have worn her flak jacket ?)
A councillor in Preston who voted for neighbourhood closed circuit surveillance cameras is now 'hopping mad' because the Council has installed one by his house
"Control of infectious diseases is important in case an academic breaks out"; "Patriarchy treated women as escape goats "; " The bank failed because of laxative enforcement policy" "Railways were invented to take the strain off motorways" are all howlers collected by examiners in Britain's colleges last term and published this week.
Jobsworths of the week: A skipper has been threatened with prosecution because he accepted a sandwich from one of his passengers. He was giving free trips off Torquay to interested visitors to his boat, which had completed a circumnavigation of the world. The Harbour Master reported him, arguing that accepting a sandwich constituted taking payment or reward, and to accept payment the skipper must have a licence to take paying passengers.
Julia Boaler, of Gleadless, West Yorkshire, lost her engagement ring three years ago. Her last memory of it was her leaving it on the bathroom window ledge while she took a shower.She assumed it had fallen, or been knocked, off the ledge but could not see it anywhere. It has now been found. Her fiance, Justin Laycock, found the £5000 ring at the bottom of a magpie's nest while clearing out the garden prior to their moving house. (See? It's true about magpies and shiny things )
Ian Noll was 'penniless, jobless and depressed', said his lawyer. Suicidal Mr Noll had taken his brother's car without consent, got himself a gas canister,rigged up the canister in the car, opened the valve and awaited death. Cheeringly , at that moment, Doris Day singing 'Que sera, sera' came on the car radio. Hearing it, Mr Noll decided that life was worth living, after all, and lit himself a calming cigarette. The resulting explosion of the gas caused the car to burst into flames and people to rush from a nearby pub to save him. He was rushed to hospital. He was treated for severe burns.He admitted arson. The judge ordered him to do twelve month's community service, adding "For your own good , I am ordering you to complete an enhanced thinking skills course"
And finally, a
wheelie bin story. Firefighters had to rescue a 57 year-old man who became wedged , 'bottom down' in a wheelie bin, with only his hands a feet visible, after he had sought shelter from a storm in Stafford.(Wheelie bin: a large domestic trash container on wheels, used at every Brtish house )
What, no parrot this week? All right, and finally... an African grey parrot,Joey, has disappeared from his home in Bristol. His owners are confident he'll be found and identified. Everytime the broadcast time signal sounds, he joins in, and he also imitates the Daleks of the BBC sci-fi programme 'Dr Who'.
Adding, or subtracting, the passengers does not figure in the calculation The only offence would be if a vehicle which is designed and authorised by law to carry a set maximum number of passengers was carrying more than the maximum.
I'm surprised this is in the Daily/Sunday Torygraph. They must be aiming for the slightly downmarket Daily Mail readership and given up trying to win Times readers. The Mail would have it as 'Scandal of our under- equipped police. Criminals, including potential terrorists, are freed to walk to the police station. You couldn't make it up!'
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