A relative in her early 50's has recently begun to speak very slowly and deliberately as well as having some short term memory problems. This person has not been to a doctor since her last child, who is now a senior in high school, was born. She has what appears to be an abnormal fear of doctors and possibly what they might tell her. She has been urged by both immediate family and in-laws to seen out medical help, but refuses to go and becomes somewhat belligerent at the mere mention of it. It seems, to us looking in, that she's has a stroke of some sort (our best non professional medical opinion) or "the change" has her in it's grip and is messing with her mind. Any experience in this area? How do we get her to a doctor in this age of them not making house calls? Thanks in advance!

Honestly Eagle, this is a VERY difficult situation. If she had been retirement age you could have called the AAA (Area Agency on Aging) and they would have stepped in to help.

However, perhaps you can compile a complete written list of the changes you have seen and suggest she take a look at it. Maybe confronted with "evidence" she may be cooperative.

She does sound like she may have had a stroke, changes in behavior is certainly one possible result of a stroke. She is actually in serious risk of a repeat stroke if she did. Many people end up on blood thinners and other meds to reduce the risk.

Here is a website with more information.

CVA/Stroke Information

Eagle, have you had any success getting some medical observation of your relative?

Not yet, her spouse is trying to ease in to getting her buy in. She makes him keep his appointments so she know the importance. We spoke to her again last night and she was still speaking slowly, but seemed fine otherwise. We still are leaning toward a stroke as the cause of her problem. I'll post any findings.

Unfortunately I don't think there is a whole lot you can do. She has the right to see or not to see a doctor if she chooses. I have gone through the same exact thing.

When something gets bad enough, she may then be willing to go to the hospital or doctor with a ton of encouragement and emotional support. I would also go that route when talking to her. Offer to set up an appointment, drive her, and be there with her. The fears are irrational. Expect an overreaction to the discussion. Try to calm her fears. If you can get her to agree to a check up, make it as soon as possible. Fear builds with every day of waiting. Explain the phobic situation to the nurse.

Medical people cannot force anything on anyone without her consent. Tell her this. Tell her that she has every right to be told and choose what medical treatment she gets. Tell her you will stand by her every step of the way. Remind her that it is her body and she does have choices. No one will do anything painful to her, just uncomfortable at worst. Things have drastically changed since she has last been to a doctor or hospital. Many people, especially of the older generation, feel like they are being held hostage in a medical facility and have to do as told. That isn't true at all. Give her more of a feeling of control over her medical care.

I can't stress enough about emotional support for her. Let her express her fears. Be understanding, but don't let her get carried away with fear and make a bad decision.

When she has a fit at the mention of going to the doctor, apologize to her for upsetting her. Tell her how concerned and upset the entire family is. You don't want anything happening to her. Ask her to please just consider getting a check up to relieve worries of the family if she wont do it for herself.

Thank you flower. Sounds like you've been down that road and your advise is sound and we'll try our best to comply. I'll post updates to the situation as they come about.

Yes, I have been down that road before! There is good news. Once she does start seeing a doctor, her fears will decrease. She will still be very anxious about it, but will eventually make appointments for herself and do as the doctor suggest. Getting through the initial fear of that first visit is the most time consuming and worst part of it. It is difficult on her and the entire family.

Do I know what you mean by fear of what she will be told. In my case, it was fear of being told she had cancer. I asked if it would be any different if she had cancer and had no treatment at all even to make her comfortable. Not being told doesn't mean it doesn't exist. There is always jumping to the worst case scenario with anything that may be wrong. Try to make her see that it probably isn't something as horrible as she is imagining it is. No matter what they tell her, the choice of what to do about it is hers. At least she has more options than doing nothing.

I hope that you can get her to get a doctor soon. It is such a worry for everyone.

Read this about hypothyroidism. It can also cause slow speech. See if she has any of the other symptoms. Usually, the treatment is simple.
http://www.umm.edu/endocrin/hypot.htm

Well, she finally caved in to pressure and has seen a couple MD's. An MRI of her head came back negative and all signs point to the minor stroke whick will hopefully be treatable. She is much more cooperative and has received many thanks from friends and relatives for finally seeking some medical assistance. More news as it becomes available.

Sorry to report that my sister passed away in September of 2003 of Bulbar ALS. Finally got a diagnosis in August 2003, but nothing could have been done to help her. The ALS people and hospice people were very special and helpful. Still very disappointed at the late diagnosis.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister, Blueeagle.

Blueeagle...you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry.

BlueEagle, I am so very sorry for your loss, and my prayers will go with you and your family. Most Hospice programs have support for families of former patients. If you need some emotional support, you might want to consider calling them and finding out what services they have available.

I'm so sorry for your loss, blueeagle. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

I join the others in saying that I am so sorry for your loss, blueeagle.